I've always thought honesty was the most important thing in a marriage. And honesty requires an atmosphere where even sleeping around with other people can be discussed openly and without fear of condemnation. Pretty idealistic.
Sadly, I chose the wrong wife for that sort of thing. She's a wonderful wife in almost every other aspect, but she's one of the few people in the world who seems to be naturally monogamous. She has no desire to sleep around and jealously demands I don't either. Honestly, I'd be more than happy for her to sleep around if it meant I could do so openly too.
A few years ago we had our first kid and our sex life turned to shit. It wasn't doing so well even before that, but after the kid there was basically no sex for months. And her sister moved in with us. Her sister is beautiful and I developed a huge crush on her.
Anyway, I never scored with her sister (as much as I wanted to), but did enjoy some of Japan's sex industry. After a while my concience got the better of me. I prided myself in being honest. This was definitely not honest. So I confessed everything to her. She was heartbroken for a while but, since Japanese sex industry doesn't typically involve intercourse, she slowly got over it. And she put more effort into sex and our quality time together and everything improved dramatically.
But even excellent sex with your spouse is not a substitute for variety. A year or so later we moved to Hong Kong. I fucked a WG in Wan Chai I found on this site and confessed it to her the very next morning. I've never seen her so angry. I thought that was going to be the end of our marriage.
We worked through it, but she has far less trust in me now. I've learned to value honesty less now. Honesty isn't worth trading your family for.
Despite all that, I'm back on this board now. I just can't see myself living my life without at least *trying* to achieve maximum happiness for all. Here's the options I see sexual monogamy offering:
* A life of frustration in trying to be faithful
* Leave your partner so you can sleep around (The biggest insanity I see in today's relationship culture is that it seems to be popular opinion that this is the best option. It's stupid. As is leaving your partner just because they fucked someone else. To throw away a good relationship because sexual monogamy isn't working for you is absolutely absurd)
* cheat. There's a chance of the shit hitting the fan which you can keep low by being careful. But if you're successful you get a happy marriage *and* satisfy your desires.
The way monogamy is set up, the 3rd option really does seem like the only reasonable one.
The public also seems to have the absurd idea that you can "spice up" your marriage. It just doesn't work that way. Once you've been with your partner for a few years, that lust wanes and is replaced by a deeper love and respect. The sex can still be fantastic, and it does indeed improve. But you never get that animalistic, passionate lust for your long-term partner as what is felt when hunting new game. | |
