Reply #30 maccalim's post
I should add a reminder that she's NOT a WG. She's a masseuse and as i understand, works in various veggie massage shops.
My apologies, mate, for not being more clear: the issue is that anyone who works in a massage shop, veggie or not, and is considering taking a job as a mamasan, knows that she is giving up something to do so. There is a social stigma that limits relationship experiences. WG face a similar trade-off, although perhaps more extreme. That was the point I was trying to make: her life choices have limited her relationship prospects and she certainly understands that. This should give you an idea of her place in life and priorities. I do not intend to be judgmental, she probably has good reasons for doing so.
She's in a bad spot. I've since told her i'm not in a position to help her. And told her what i'm earning, (although i did significantly play down my salary). I told her i can help her out with a few thousand dollars each time, but not in a position to help her out with serious dough.
I agree with you about the 'loan'. To be honest, I can probably afford the 20K, and i could imagine my heart will probably go soft and relent if she's really in a fix. And yes, despite being emotional, i try to be rational as well and the truth being the background differences would mean this relationship is only as good as it last.
I've been toying with the idea of sending her to courses to enrich herself. English course, computer course etc....
I might add that for the both of us, that puppy-love feeling happened again (she admit herself), and it's been a long time since we both had that feeling. Ultimately, it's not just about sex, it's about the GFE... feelings.... that warm fuzzy feeling every time you kiss/hug someone.... love? I don't know mate, its complicated.
Please take a step back and look at the situation:
You are paying her for her company. This, again, is not to say that she's a WG (as she is not doing this for everyone) but there is a financial transaction happening here. This leads to several issues:
1) How can you really know what she thinks or feels? You seem like a nice bloke and probably treat her better than she's used to so I would assume she does enjoy herself. But how much and her true interest level is impossible to gauge. Furthermore, to make the point, would you accept money, even if you needed it, from a girlfriend for spending time with her?
2) You seem to have settled into a very nebulous relationship where boundaries are not defined. Can she go back to China and stay with her male friend? What can you expect from her and vice versa? Do you have input on her life choices?
3) There is the language and cultural issue
From my experience, the success or failure of a relationship is determined early; if it gets off on a wrong foot, it is nearly impossible to change. This one appears to have gotten off on the wrong foot and, from your posts, you seem to sense this.
Can you turn this into a more traditional relationship? Impossible to say but I would not ascribe high odds.
My advice, for what it's worth, is this: enjoy what you have and accept that this is probably it. It is no better or worse than what a lot of people in Hong Kong have and if you enjoy it, I wish you the best. I am trying to caution, you, though, not to get too emotionally or financially involved. You seem to be the more vulnerable party. Also, I would suggest that any money you give you do so knowing full well what you are paying and what you are getting (and what you are getting is the feeling of the moment with no strings attached on her end or yours).
I would suppose you probably feel good for feeling that you are helping her but, again, I would strongly advise not to send her to classes or the like. Give her whatever money you feel appropriate for the time and let her decide what to do with it. You will complicate things unnecessarily if you do otherwise. |
