I've had a few mates who liked to date WG; seemingly they liked that things were up front about the relationship. Some wanted money up front, some refused to accept anything, even expensive gifts. The latter were the more dangerous because they always came back for something larger.
This woman asked for a 20k loan up front, what does that say to you? How likely would YOU be to ask someone you barely know for 20k? I hate to be so blunt but you asked: this is a red flag that would send most men running and she would probably know it. The fact that she would ask suggests either she is a gold digger or is in a very bad spot.
In either case, she is probably not in a place in her life where she can be in a serious relationship. Get involved at your own peril; seems like you are moving forward but I would at least keep your eyes wide open to the following:
1) You should not worry about hurting her, you are the one far more likely to get hurt here. Again, to be blunt, she almost certainly has far more relationship experience than you and, mixed with your feelings for her (whether it's love or not is immaterial, there are clearly feelings), you are at a serious disadvantage here. Worry about yourself only, that's what she is doing.
2) Do not loan her money, if you give her money, do so with the mutual understanding of that is what you're doing. Loans are dangerous, both because they are unlikely to be paid back and also because the promise of repayment deflects what they really are (which is a gift). Nothing wrong with compensating her for lost income; as a matter of fact, I would encourage it. Better to know up front what the cost is rather than get her pressing for something larger later. If she does, flat out refuse it.
It sounds like you're enjoying yourself so nothing wrong with that. It seems that you are trying to convince yourself this is nothing serious (pointing out languages and backgrounds) but judging from what you're saying, this sounds like rationalization. Please just be honest with yourself. | |
