Originally posted by barney.winkel at 6-8-2010 07:45
perhaps unforced monogamy is possible, provided that a guy finds the right woman and marries her for the right reasons ...
Of course it's possible. I was one of them 
And I still admire people who are able to hold it together ... and have NO judgement about my chosen path being "The" path anyone in particular should follow or avoid. Even for myself it is still a"work-in-progress". Will it work out? I don't know. But given the current taboo about cheating it is virtually impossible to meet and learn from guys who have found an effective solution to how to live with a woman who neglects his needs and betrays HER commitment to HIM over an extended period.
What I do know is that in my case elective monogamy had highly toxic consequences. My elective two-timing and cheating is buying time and quality of life for everyone affected - a win / win, albeit one that I cannot share with or discuss with anyone who actually knows me.
My decision to use the services of hookers was - quite evidently - a search for an outlet for repressed sexuality. But it was never the result of repressed anger. My interactions with commercial sex workers has increased my respect for and tolerance of women, and has not at all been the result of anger or a desire to get even. That's a very important distinction.
Originally posted by barney.winkel at 6-8-2010 07:45
I'm still convinced that there are single guys out there who punt and choose not to be in a proper relationship, because they got screwed over by a woman (or women). could it be that these are the ones who treat WG's like ...
You're touching on a very complex issue here bro, with multiple possible causes.
Yes there are people who were actually harmed and now want to "get even" - this is a very childish response. But it happens. Just as letting go of the past - forgiving - is a sign of maturity, hanging onto a past event is a sign of immaturity.
THEN there are also people who were never actually harmed, but they perceived a sense of betrayal and are now acting out of an inner motivation - this is much deeper and often the result of either a sense of inner insecurity (e.g. a bully trying to show how important he is) or the by-product of a sense of personal dislike (a personal dislike of themselves that is projected into their relationship with others).
Behaviour like this may be conscious and deliberate, but it may be unconscious and automatic like the Jekyll-and-Hyde archetype: good on the surface when under surveillance, but acting out hidden fantasies when the consequences can be covered up or denied.
Then there are people who somehow think they are right, maybe that they have a sense of entitlement, or think that the rules don't apply to them. As long as they manage to avoid the consequences of the law they continue to be abusive, sometimes even attracting "victims" to themselves who act out their own feelings or unworthiness in the relationship. Watch a few episodes of Judge Judy and you'll see plenty of examples of people who's sense of entitlement is utterly and comically out of whack!
Then there are people who simply lack empathy - people who at a clinical level are unable to perceive or take into account the feelings of another person. These people are in a sense "abnormal" and are physically handicapped at the level of behaviour and relationships.
It's a complex world, not possible to be summed up in a single sentence.
Quite frankly, rather than trying to analyse the CAUSES of why people treat WG's like shit, it is rather more important to confront the FACT of people treating WG's like shit, and to do all we can to prevent it happening, and to mitigate the consequences when we fail to prevent it happening. |
