Here's the version I got about 10 years ago .... same gist but slightly better storytelling in my opinion. Enjoy!
There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a
long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he
thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied
while he was gone because he didn't like the idea of her
screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys
and started looking around.
He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to
another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos,
looking for something special to please his wife and started
talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained the
situation.
The old man thinks and says, " Well, I don't really know of
anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special
attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will
keep her occupied for weeks...except--" he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked. "Nothing, nothing at all."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well,Sir, I don't usually talk about voodoo dick'."
"So, what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked. The old man
reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box
carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a
ordinary looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said, " Big
fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"
The old man replied,"But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He
pointed to a door and said, "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo
dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started to bang
the hell out of the door and a crack developed down the middle.
Before the door could split, the old man said, "Voodoo dick, get
back in your box!" The Voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the
box and lay back in there.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman. The old man resisted, saying
it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The
guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and
that to use it, all she had to do was say, " Voodoo dick, my ...."
He left for his trip, satisfied that things would be fine
while he was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, the wife
was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would
willing to satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick.
She got it out, and said, "Voodoo dick, my pussy!"
The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was
great, like nothing she'd experienced before. After three
orgasms, she decided she'd had enough and tried to pull it out,
but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get out and to stop.
You see, her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off.
She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the
hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way,
another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and this caused her
to be pulled over by a policeman.
He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to
drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been
drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy,
and then he said, "Yeah, right Lady. Voodoo dick, my ass!!!"
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