A few days ago, I went out with a few buddies and had a quite a few drinks in the early afternoon.  They had to call it a day and it was too early for me to call it an evening and I didn't want to drink by myself either.  So of course, somehow, my legs carried me off to the nearest taxi, and my mouth decided to give a location that wasn't my home.  Get out taxi in CWB next thing I know, I'm up Hop Yee without shoulder checking because I am now invincible due to the alcohol impairing my brain.  Usually I err on the side of caution a little bit more than this but no harm no foul.

I don't remember which floor or apt I got to and in any case, I'm not going to review it since as far as I can remember, it was decent and average and much like what you would come to expect from Hop Yee and nothing spectacular nothing disappointing.  In fact, perhaps since I was not exactly smelling like a rose, I should probably give an extra point or two since they still accomodated me but again, this isn't a review.

Now, the bad part is this.  I hopped a taxi back to home.  Wife was sitting on the sofa watching TV.  I just then noticed that it is waaay early, wife wasn't even close to sleeping and this was not my normal protocol of coming home from punting.  Mistake #1.  I take off my jacket hang it up and proceed to beeline to the washroom but not trying to make it too obvious that I'm nervous about anything.  As I'm walking towards the bathroom and I am about 3 meters cleared of my wife, she goes I thought you were drinking with the boys?  I say, ya...I was...we called it early.  Usually she doesn't interrogate so by now I'm sure there's something wrong.  Then she goes, where'd you go?  I immediately think of a lie because I'm thinking...shit!  I must smell like a drunk perfumed flower! I lie and say at the Mariott.  She goes....usually you smell like a cigarette dump after drinking, this place probably doesn't let you smoke inside...I mumble....ya...XXXX's wife (no we didn't go drinking with anyone's wife but this was my exit) doesn't smoke so we just drank at the Mariott this time.  (in case I get called on why I smell like a girl.  this made up wife gave me a made up hug and probably came from there) but since the conversation ended there I think I lied myself out of certain doom!

I swear. I don't know what's more exciting.  The act of punting itself or the getting caught with your hand in the cookie jar and trying to explain your way out of it!

Sorry, I just can't agree. The excitement of almost getting caught is like a cold bucket of water to me... It's why I very, very rarely punt at home. Away from home, you have all the time in the world to check yourself, check your stuff, and be sure you're not doing anything stupid. At home, one slip up, and you have all kinds of explaining to do. No good comes of that. Well, not for me anyway.

Have you guys noticed that they all use the same type of shower gel (despite the name on the bottle) and the smell just does not wash off no matter how long you rinse? I tell ya if the Mrs identifies that particular brand of industrial cleaner then I am so screwed.

You're supposed to buy and use the same brand/scent for the home.  Then no one will be the wiser!

Problem with that is the stuff they use is shit, and my wife would never allow it. The route I preferred was take a bottle of my own brand in my bag with me always, plus a can of deodorant as well. You can explain that away by either saying you sweat like a pig, or play sport.

Last week, when I returned home after a punt I noticed lipstick on my shirt!  It came from the hug the gal gave me when we greeted.  I never noticed it at all on the way out of the hotel at all.  Shite!!!

Anyway, my SO wears liptstick only when we're going out to something special so this would have been impossible to explain.  It's  the second time it's happened!  (mind you, 2 events out of 1000's of punts is still low odds, I suppose).   Luckily, I noticed it before she did (did a final mirror-check as I walked in the door and saw it.  Yikes!!) I promptly poured a full cup of coffee over myself to cover the stain and to instantly give me an excuse to go change.  Whew....  worked like a charm (though a good thing the coffee was only luke-warm).  She just chuckled at my clumsiness and never twigged to anything odd.

LMAO!!  We sure do have to go to extremes to cover our tracks.  Only Wander could escape out of that deal.  

Before going home from a trip I always spend 15 minutes going over my bags and clothes to make sure everything is covered.  I have had a few items I would find at the last minute.  I also do my own laundry so that I can catch anything else that might come up.  

Last time I let one of the girls borrow a t-shirt of mine to sleep in.  Well we ended up having a last minute quickie before I left which left a nice size patch of female juice on the inside of the shirt.  When I did laundry I just had this smile on my face knowing it was not left by me.  Of course you know I had to smell it as well.  LOL!!!  Ah the sweet scent of a woman.

yes when the normal protocal is broken, they all get suspicious!  Doesn't matter if you are guilty or not. haha    

Whats interesting is when I actually do a cover up carefully, there is NEVER any issue.  Its when I actually legitimate innocent time, that was when I get all the questions.

so a good method might be to be random...have no "normal protocol" so that when you deviate, she'll be none the wiser!

My s/o said the other day that you sure do seem to be working out a lot lately. I didn't have the heart to tell her it was for the honey's!  Lmao!

My buddies wife noticed that he started packing nicer clothes for his trips. These girls know deep down they just don't want to admit it.

Big mistake.  

Very important to have the same routine at home as out of home ... make sure you dress up when there's no reason, just to watch a show on TV ... etc. etc.  

Make sure you buy your own clothes on a regular basis - especially underwear, ties, casual shirts, etc - and leave the receipt lying around on the dresser the first few times
Buy cologne or aftershave for yourself from time to time - good idea to get it on a business trip "because you noticed it was cheaper", and again have the receipt the first few times, then (importantly) NOT have the receipt at least once
Get some funny-smelling handwash to use in the office before going home
Or maybe use hand-cream at home occasionally - you can steal hers and make a joke of it, do it when she can see you do it - whatever her reaction it'll label you as doing unpredictable things
Next time she has a birthday, get her some perfume, and try out some of the testers every day for the week before, so you smell of something completely different every day

Everything you might end up wanting to do one day, should first be done in open at home.

"Everything you might end up wanting to do one day, should first be done in open at home."

Does that include BBBJ with 2 girls in the living room then    can the SO watch?  lol

you know what, if you can find a way to work up to it, absolutely yes!!!

but if you have to keep parts of yourself hidden, like maybe your SO doesn't want to watch you getting BBBJ from two other girls   it's useful to keep those hidden parts to an absolute minimum

That's how I try to do things especially with communications home while on the road. I call or text at weird times just to throw her off.  I have always operated with a random schedule since knowing her.

My buddy with the shirt thing was a total noob at the game so I had to take him under my wing and show him how to be smarter at the game. He didn't even have a private email address until I told him to get one.  His biggest mistake was packing his bag in front of his wife. I never do that. I wait until she goes to sleep. I also unpack when everyone is gone just in case I missed something.

Guys with regards to your computers, right from the start never let them use your computer. I have a pc with password lock and my s.o. uses a Mac. She has no clue how my computer operates and we each have separate offices in our house.  This will be harder to accomplish if you let them get used to using your stuff right from the beginning. If you change a pattern on purpose, prepare your response in advance. She noticed my iPhone had a pass lock on it and asked why. I told her it is a security feature for international travel. I said it immediately and without hesitation. She dropped the subject and I turned away before my grin got too big.

There must be some amazing poker players on this forum!

Dargtanan and slimshanks - cheers for the tips.

The moral of the story is if you want to avoid an interrogation, learn to be predictably unpredictable from the start (or, like many here, have a brilliant poker face!).

all that

and also find out how to cook a live frog

You don't know?  

you have to understand

if you put a frog into hot water, it will jump out

but if you put it into cold water
then put a slow fire under the pot
it will not jump out
it will stay in the water, continuing to swim around, until it is cooked.  

very important life skill to know!

Holy shit that's deep D'Art.  I must be the frog cuz it seems like I'm in hot water too often!

Yup.

Women seem to understand it much better than most men ...

use it

or be used by it!