My translator is confusing me..lol

I am coverting chinese into english and it is coming up with some incredible results. I wonder what really is being said...
enjoy.

Original Chinese text:
做愛 ~ 吹蕭 ~ 出火 ~ 舒服保健 ~ 夾腸仔 ~ 制服誘惑 ~ 水中蕭 ~ 爽!

Makes love ~ to blow Xiao ~ to get angry ~ comfortable health care ~ to clamp the intestines young ~ uniform to entice in the ~ water Xiao ~shuang!
or
Sex ~ Chuixiao ~ the fire ~ comfortable care ~ folder sausage ~ Uniform Temptation ~ water Xiao ~ cool! WTF is a folder sausage?
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五味肯做，前後通道！

Gomi willing to do, before and after the channel!

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白白淨扑扑脆甜到漏油

White throws fair and clear crisp and sweet to the oil leak

In vain the net throws the crisp to the oil spill

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淫過潘金蓮,勁到流鼻血
Prostitution through Pan, Jin to nosebleeds
Obscene Pan Jinlian, vigor to class nosebleed

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任做五味，後庭新寵。
No matter what makes the five senses, rear apartments new favorite.
Do any weird, after the court favorite.

大波五味，慾仙肉死。
Big wave flavors, like dead meat cents.
The big wave five tastes, want the immortal meat to die ( I am afraid of this one)

身材一流，滑漏無比。
Stature first-class, leaks incomparably slippery.
Build first-class, extremely slippery drain.

嫩齒0靚模，任摸唔嘈。

0 young model tender teeth, Do not touch any noisy.
Over value tender mouth, also while you are at it.

賓FUN後園樂無窮
Guest FUN back garden happy infinite
After the Garden Delight Bin FUN

粉紅美鮑，細佬吃飽。
Flesh color US Bao, the thin man eats to the full.
Pink abalone United States, lad eat.

What kind translator ( software ) did you get ? What type of smartphone do you have ?  I was thinking about getting a translator for my phone too but my OS and CPU can't handle it. The max is only 2G of storage and Mobile 5.0. So it might be a new phone later this year.

edit: typo " I'm was thinking" to "I was thinking"

[ Last edited by  Weelock at 2-3-2011 16:02 ]

做愛 ~ ML
吹蕭 ~ BJ
出火 ~ cumshot
舒服保健 ~ massage
夾腸仔 ~ titty fuck
制服誘惑 ~ cosplay
水中蕭 ~ bj in tub
爽! comfy
as to those sentences are just ways to describe stuff

ps- delete that translator... worthless as hell aha

On Google, you are always asked to submit a better translation if that's your opinion.

I was using google translator and another one calle Chinese translator..

I also used bable fish.

This one is my favourite,,lol

身材一流，滑漏無比。
Stature first-class, leaks incomparably slippery.
Build first-class, extremely slippery drain.

I thought you purchased a software program for Chinese to English translation for your smartphone because you have another thread about language issues.

For google and babe fish, I have not used it in a long time. Unless they upgraded to a newer version, it's NOT very good. I had a girl told me it's only about 50 to 60% correct.

Try using http://www.mdbg.net/chindict/chindict.php It's a little better and it breaks down each word and charter for you too see.

I have 3 different translators on my phone. 2 translate the same..must use google codes or something and the other gives a slightly different result.