This apparently is what we really think.
What the hell are men thinking?
September 29, 2010 - 7:07PM
Most women have one gripe in common when it comes to romantic relationships: they'll never understand men.
"If you don't understand us, there's something wrong with you," one man often tells me. "We're basically one step up from a caveman."
But it's not our fault either. Sometimes men are rude, unresponsive or moody, only to turn around later (after we've been sobbing to our mates for hours) to tell us they were simply hungry, horny or tired. My gay friend Kurt reckons that the more straight-forward, realistic, honest and balanced you are with a man, the more he takes advantage and gives you the opposite reaction back. "They're like children," he says. "They take advantage of you. Reward bad behaviour by being nice and they get worse. You can't win."
Sure, blokes are notorious for not wearing their hearts on their sleeves, for not saying it like it is (or at least that's how we perceive it because men think they're always straightforward), for stringing us along (which they claim is not their fault but rather ours for falling in love with them too soon) and then having it all blow up in our faces when they finally tell us the truth: they simply aren't ready for a girlfriend.
So I was intrigued to say the least, when I read that author Zoe Strimpel spent a year undercover interviewing hundreds of men, in the hope of coming up with explanations for their strange behaviours and foibles. The result? A book titled What the Hell is He Thinking? which aims to debunk some of the myths we associate with the men in our lives. See what you think ….
MYTH: Men get over their exes right away.
TRUTH: Men find it far harder to get over their exes than women do.
I often marvel at the ability of recently dumped blokes to get over their exes faster than a speeding bullet. But Strimpel reckons it's not as easy for them as they make it out to be. They're just better at hiding their feelings. "Because they don't feel able to discuss their emotions with their mates as we do with ours, it's hard for them to really get out all their hurt and move on, so the emotional pain festers," says Strimpel. "Whereas we tend to cry for weeks, then start to feel better, a guy will keep quiet, shag around, then realise he hasn't moved on when you're already out with the next guy."
MYTH: If you hang around a guy for long enough, he'll commit to you.
TRUTH: Many men string along women for two to three months without ever intending to have a relationship.
What is it with a man stringing a woman along for three months or so, only to say he never really wanted a girlfriend in the first place and that he no longer wants to see her … ever again?
While women are notorious for doing the "fantasy jump" (imagining the white wedding and the names of their kids after a few dates), some men seem to do the opposite. Call them commitment-phobes but the more intense things become, the more they back off, believing that the relationship is going to be a mammoth threat to their freedom, their sex life and their bachelor pad. Hence they rationalise they better exit stage left, and fast, before – heaven forbid! – things actually start to become serious.
Adam, 31, calls these men "Casanovas" and tells Strimpel this: "Casanovas teach themselves how to make women fall for them, because they weren't always the smoothies they are now. They get off on the validation of getting it right over and over, but don't care about a long-term result - and they're cold perfectionists."
MYTH: Men who cheat can reform.
TRUTH: Your mother was right: Once a cheater, always a cheater.
I thought this was about right when a married bloke told me the other night he was "interested", to which I replied, "Not a chance in hell mate." He couldn't understand my answer. "Thirty other women have been with me while I've been married and haven't cared about the ring," he responded, thinking that would make it OK. It wouldn't.
Strimpel says that the surprising thing that came out of her research was that, even if you're "the other woman" and think you're so special that you rescued some dude from his fledgling relationship or boring life of matrimony, don't think that he won't do it to you, too. He will. And he'll do it again and again. Apparently (according to the blokes she interviewed) the saying is true: once a cheater, always a cheater. Because blokes do it, there's nothing to stop them from trying it again.
MYTH: When your boyfriend starts to act distant and weird, it's because he's hungry or stressed.
FACT: Men act weird when they want out of the relationship but don't want to be confrontational so they hope you'll dump them first instead.
We're so often told that, when a man becomes distant, he's hungry, wants sex or is stressed. But sometimes Strimpel says the answer is a little more complex: he's no longer interested in the relationship and is hoping that if he acts like a douchebag long enough, you'll dump him first instead. Ouch.
MYTH: Men hate it when we talk too much.
FACT: Men love it when we say certain things.
Following in Strimpel's footsteps, I decided to carry out my own research and, over the past few days, have been carrying out a poll which involves asking men about the phrases they love to hear coming out of our mouths. This is what the men have told me. Feel free to add to the list ...
"You're right."
"Size doesn't matter."
"Will you help me unscrew this?"
"Your [insert body part] is amazing."
"I love your bald head / grey hair."
"You are so good at [insert action here]."
"Dinner will be on the table when you get home ... served naked … by me."
"Anything that involves us being fed or getting laid ... "
Enough said!
Have a fab rest of the week and happy dating!!
Link here:
http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/ ... 20100929-15ws2.html
