Hey girls, like to date assholes? Don’t worry, you’re not alone
An analysis of the jerk effect and why it’s so appealing

By Rachel Dickens 
Tuesday, September 21, 2010 3:02 p.m. 
Curiously familiar hypothetical situation: You’re at a bar with your friends when you spot a guy you recently hooked up with. You’re feeling indifferent about him, but you wouldn’t be opposed to giving it another go. You think, “Ehh, no need to say ‘Hi’ right away.” Twenty minutes later, he still hasn’t approached you. You wonder, “Why hasn’t he said anything to me? Does my hair look bad?” But granted you’re not criminally insane, you brush it off and look for someone else to schmooze. Thirty minutes later, still nothing. Well, he did wink at you from across the bar (or was there just something stuck in his eye?), but then he started talking to some girl wearing a tube dress. Your confusion escalates. “Oh god, she’s way hotter than me. I knew I should’ve worn heels.” Suddenly, your neurosis reaches “Girl, Interrupted” levels and you wonder how you got so nuts. To avoid further humiliation, you turn to a friend and ask if she wants to leave and get nachos.
On a scale of 1-10, how pathetic does this sound? If you’re thinking 25, don’t worry, you’re not even remotely off base. But as desperate as it seems, I won’t hesitate for a moment to say we’ve all been there.
Fact: Girls love guys who are, for lack of a better description, total assholes.
We’ve seen it time and time (and time?) again, but nonetheless, it’s an issue that riddles our minds with confusion, stress and a shitton of excitement. So, what’s a girl to do about this bleak reality? I’m not exactly sure, but after years of qualitative research, I’ve theorized a few of the many reasons we go after those guys we love to hate.
Don’t hate the player?
The excitement of a night out in college lies partially in what experts refer to as SPQ (spontaneous potential quotient). By experts, I clearly mean myself as of two minutes ago, but I’m definitely on to something here — we college students love uncertainty, and we love it the most when it comes as an accessory to vodka and random new people.
Most girls are turned off by a guy who showers her with attention. It bores us, it seems desperate and it can be a predictor for a slew of undesirable behaviors lurking beneath the surface. Instead, we gravitate toward guys who give us just enough attention to keep us on our toes. Here’s what I mean:
Socially-unaware-nice-guy: Hi Rachel! I saw you from across the bar. You look pretty. Can I buy you a drink? You look like a G&T gal. So, what are your career aspirations? I love kids. You look pretty.
Asshole: Hey.
Think about it. Have you ever seen a guy you’ve recently hooked up with and waited an hour for him to start flirting with you? And worse, did you feel great when he finally approached you and probably said a total of four syllables that somehow made you feel on top of the world? Don’t be embarrassed if that’s a yes. We’re aroused by the unpredictability of waiting for a guy to strike up a conversation with us, and the longer it takes, the more rewarded we feel when it actually happens. Sure, some girls have no problem continuously initiating contact, but most of us would rather be the approachees in those delicate initial stages.
Disclaimer: The whole delayed-gratification thing only works to a certain extent. Minor teasing is tolerable and undeniably fun at times, but most self-respecting girls won’t chase after a guy who’s outright ignoring them.
The Worthy Competitor
You know what? It’s a cop-out to say only weak girls go for assholes. Self-esteem aside, many girls crave the thrill of keeping up with a jerky guy, or better yet, putting him in his place. While they might not always be better at flirting per se, assholes have a certain knack for conversation that confident girls can’t wait to provoke. When you’re not looking for anything serious, few things are sexier than a well-spoken, quick-talking guy whose comebacks somehow indicate that he’ll be amazing in bed.
The Tucker Max-querade
Whether you’ve read his books, stalked his website, or simply thought to yourself, “I know a guy just like this!” there’s one thing you can’t deny: Tucker Max is really, really epic.
Entertaining as his drunken tales are, Mr. Max has spawned a new breed of wannabe assholes who masquerade as genuinely awesome guys by mimicking traits like confidence, charm and humor in the forms of aggression, sleaze and flirtatious insults. It’s difficult for our drunken brains to distinguish between worthwhile guys and those who embody that second set of qualities — and for most casual flings, we don’t care to evaluate the difference. In fact, getting attention from an identified asshole can seem weirdly special.
Example: If a guy won’t give other people the time of day, but he’s taking a moment of his time to be semi-decent toward you, you might think to yourself “Wow, this guy’s being nice to me. He’s usually such a douche! I must be different.” False.
In the end, there’s no clear way to stay away from guys who play these games. It seems the best we can do is hold our heads high, stay on our toes and sleep with one eye open.
Rachel Dickens is a senior majoring in journalism and communication arts. Questions? Comments? E-mail [email protected]
Link here:
http://badgerherald.com/artsetc/ ... irls_like_to_da.php

[ Last edited by  atomic3d at 26-9-2010 04:36 ]

I figure 10% condition behavior by the media.  The rest is choice.  Women like the bad boy, a guy who is confident enough to make his own rules.  Society goes out of it's way to damage male confidence by
either outlawing, or destroying everything males like to do.  

All I can say is learn to drop girls who like assholes, and hope evolution takes place to place into a girls dna, the capacity to like non assholes.

[ Last edited by  chewie10 at 27-9-2010 14:30 ]

my goodness atomic you put the perfect title for this article. i gotta say this is oh so true. when a girl says she wants a nice

guy then look at the guy she is with. in america girls do this all the time. in asia not really cause i some really goofy ass

looking guys in seoul with some super hot skinny k-girls. i asked my korean gf why do these girls date these guys. she says

they are funny maybe, i'm like hell no but they are funny looking i'll tell you that.

you will find, as I have there are two types of guys and one type girl. The gitl is described above. The guys are:

1. Guys to date, usually "cool" with attitude, a player
2. Guys to marry.

Girls Go for Type 1 until they hit 30 and become close to their sell by date, and then they go for Type 2. This is true the world over. In HK, however, amongst certain girls, other factors are, for Type 2, wealth, status and family connections. Not sure of his name but look at the guy who married Michelle Reis.

Res Ipsa Loqitor !

Spot on. The type 1 would be best described as the Alpha male with type 2 often being a beta, though women will still prefer to marry what they see as a dependable alpha.

What you'll also find is that a lot of these over 30 woman, never really grow up and will still play away after marrying the dependable beta male. Don't know how prevalent this is in China.

[ Last edited by  atomic3d at 27-9-2010 09:53 ]

Not only date, in my case, married one! LOL!  and she's still trying to tame me

I don';t mind girls liking to date the bad boys, because they all come around and realize they need the good guys like ourselves to end up being with =)

the nice guy never gets anywhere in life with girls...i've seen too many of my close guy friends be played around and jerked around by the girls because they were just too nice to them.  These girls weren't even into my friend but they used and abused it till he finally woke up.  I think there is also a fine line that you can tread where you are enough of an asshole.

I guess so, all the good guys like us in the end come out ahead as we can all monger as much as we want. Pussy without the hassle.

i have the same feeling like what you said too. all my nice guy friends got fooled around or be taken advantage by gals, so it makes me realized that it is just no point to be a nice guy to gals. even for those gals who want to marry a nice guy only because they are more easy for them to control or help them to meet their financial needs. i have seen many gals in mainland china are like this. so guys be careful of that - they will just think those guys are their slaves. too be a MAN!!!!

I have to agree many woman are abusive with a man's trust.  I see so many gypsy girls who try
to take advantage of me often.  It's like if your too nice, the gypsy take everything.  So I'm not too surprise
that France would want to kick the gypsy out.  too many of them are thieves and con artists.
Filled lies, and are very untrustworthy.  Gypsy women worse than gypsy man in they try to take everything.

I rarely see in Hong Kong women, mainland Chinese woman often try to pull that power con here and there especially in the big cities men get treated like dirt.  No family values are in many chinese women spoiled with riches growing up.  So they feel so entitled to leave men in the dust and choose bad boy.  It is horrible how corrupt some of these women have are like.  Many woman are pretty much out for themselves and we call in American gold diggers.

I believe, pay for the dinner as a free gift to the woman, and if doesn't call back, get rid of her and find another woman, because
that woman is not worth time.

[ Last edited by  chewie10 at 28-9-2010 13:04 ]

Here's a visual breakdown of male heirachy.