Northern charms - Hong Kong women are looking for love across the border
Here's the article that I was referring to -
Lily Lai is happily married and newly pregnant with her first child. Nonetheless, the 26-year-old says she struggled over her choices before tying the knot with her Wenzhou-born husband in February.
"I had to leave behind my friends, family and lifestyle in Hong Kong," says Lai, a City University translation graduate who met her husband on a business trip to Zhejiang three years ago.
"When I told my friends about my marriage to a mainlander, they thought it was odd. But my family supported me. I gave up my trading company job after marrying and now just come back to Hong Kong to visit friends and family."
As steadily growing numbers of Hong Kong women look north for spouses, more will face decisions such as Lai's. Their embrace of cross-border romances is a marked shift from a decade ago, when they largely dismissed men from the mainland as uncouth bumpkins.
Immigration Department figures show 2,409 marriages were registered in Hong Kong last year between mainlanders and local women - a more than sixfold jump from 10 years ago, when there were 390 such marriages. Most marriages are registered in Hong Kong to give the brides' families a greater sense of assurance, says wedding consultant Sharon Au Wai-fong.
The number of local women obtaining certificates of single status (a requirement for people seeking to register marriages on the mainland) have also risen significantly. Hong Kong issued 1,539 certificates last year - more than double the figure for 1988.
Wonderful Life, a local dating agency that regularly organises social events in Shenzhen, reports that Hong Kong women now make up one-third of its clients.
Agency spokeswoman Mei Chan says: "Last year 90 per cent were local men seeking a mainland wife. This year we have quite a number of new female members who don't mind being set up with mainland guys. In the past, local women often baulked at the suggestion."
Dating agencies and marriage consultants ascribe the about-turn in thinking to demographic forces as well as the growing sophistication and wealth of men from the mainland - especially compared to locals.
Li Ka-fai, who runs cross-border dating agency the Jade Butterfly Club, says some Hong Kong women are attracted by mainlanders' more down-to-earth style.
"They just present themselves as who they really are, unlike local guys, who tend to be flashy and boastful," he says.
Ge Sifan, managing director of the XinXinRenLei Marriage Agency in Shenzhen, says six years ago there were just a handful of Hong Kong women seeking her company's services to meet mainlanders. That number has since swelled to 80 women.
"In the past, most were divorcees or widows above 30. Now, young [Hong Kong] women who have never married also seek our services. Our youngest client is just 24 years old," Ge says. "They think mainlanders are honest, reliable and put much emphasis on family values. Mainland guys are attracted by their liberal attitudes towards romance and modern appearance."
Hong Kong men also generally come off as self-obsessed, shallow types who are indifferent to world affairs, says Au, founder of Sharon Au Wedding Consultants.
"Many just like to play video games and are insensitive to women's feelings. They see women as targets to be conquered," Au says. "Mainlanders are more patient and willing to invest time in developing a relationship. Unions I have seen between mainlanders and local women have usually lasted."
Sweeping characterisations are never fair, but a worsening gender imbalance also leaves Hong Kong women with little choice. Government figures show that last year there were 270,000 more women than men in the 20 to 40 age group - 20,000 more than the gap in 2007. Their chances of finding a local spouse are getting slimmer, with the Census and Statistics Department projecting that by 2021, there will be 797 men to every 1,000 women.
"The shrinking pool of available local guys impels some women to explore the vast potential of the mainland," says Chan.
While Hong Kong women are often stereotyped locally as materialistic moneygrubbers, they're admired on the mainland for their cosmopolitan outlook and keen fashion sense.
"I have dreamed about marrying a Hong Kong girl since I was a teenager," says Shenzhen native Gong Suming, 25. "They are vivacious and polished. Mainland girls are more conservative and shy."
Gong, who owns a gift-making business, has registered with online matchmaker Jiayuan.com to help meet the woman of his dreams.
Because mainland residents face greater hassles in obtaining the necessary papers to visit Hong Kong, cross-border couples tend to meet up north.
However, the tedious commute hasn't discouraged Winnie Wong Pui-chun. The 22-year-old travels to Jieshi, a town in southeastern Guangdong, a couple of times each month to meet her boyfriend, a factory worker.
Each round trip costs HK$200 and means four hours on the road, but Wong takes it in her stride.
"It takes him one month and several hundred yuan to obtain a one-week travel permit to Hong Kong. So it makes more sense for me to go up," she says.
"The commuting and long separations are tiresome, but I love him. I've had many local boyfriends before but my current boyfriend is better. He is very caring and sensitive.
"We met at a disco in Shenzhen two years ago and used to have our dates in the city. But due to the high cost of entertainment in Shenzhen, we meet only in Jieshi now," says Wong, who is currently out of work.
Cross-border marriages require considerable adjustment from both partners. Difficulties in securing employment here discourages mainland men from settling in Hong Kong, says Li of the Jade Butterfly Club.
"Many local employers don't recognise degrees from lesser-known mainland universities. Unable to find a decent job that matches their qualifications, some become stay-at-home husbands, which can severely affect their sense of worth as a man," Li says. "That's why most couples would rather endure separation during the week and reunite at weekends."
For professional women who relocate to the mainland, it's often hard to forgo the career they have built in Hong Kong, says Hon Shu-wing, a registered social worker who has provided marriage counselling and matchmaking services for 15 years.
"Even if they find a similar job on the mainland, the meagre pay could be a shock. The salary for a university graduate on the mainland is just around several thousand yuan, but even a security guard is paid between HK$6,000 and HK$7,000 per month in Hong Kong."
Of course, prospective tai-tais feel differently.
"A majority of my mainland male clients are very rich businessmen who live in luxurious houses and drive posh cars," Au says. "Their young and pretty wives from Hong Kong are happy to leave everything behind and follow them back to the mainland."
Lai, who plans to return to Hong Kong in December to deliver her child, says she has grown accustomed to the tranquil life in Wenzhou.
"I wasn't used to the lifestyle at first. There were some minor hiccups due to differences in customs and culture, but we soon got over them and I have come to enjoy the picturesque environment and relaxing life here."
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