I agree with the article.  I have had many gals as friends, but - I typically wanted to fuck them all, tried to fuck them all, they all knew I wanted to fuck them, and Î succeeded a few times.  I would definately WANT to bang her, she is quite the looker actually.  But.....  Man, that is vile!  Banging your brother's wife/spouse, your best mates,wife....  That I CAN'T do! It is no doubt a reason we became good friends actually..., we are off-limits so can discuss "intimate" topics without it turning into the typical trying-for-sex-game.  Some of these realtionships are useful in life.  Ya learn a lot about women!

I did say he isn't obliged to answer the question.

I don't know wander from the guy next to me on the local bus....well except whats written on this site. Most of us are anon here & ironicly can speak more freely than irl.  

Most of us has girls that are off limits but there is some perverted tempatation....its usually there as much as we suppress it. As long as the big head wins over little head...the never ending battle!

It depends on your personal values and whether or not you think that what you tell him will ruin his family or help him, his children being older than 14 would probably mean that they're mature enough to handle this.
If he's happy let him be happy but what if his wife isn't only having sex with your brother?

It seems to me that you really answered your own question.  Here are excepts from your post...

"They have a good family, and my mate loves his family...   Anyway.., so, do I tell my mate?  I believe it would be the straw the destroys their marriage."

Why would you risk ruining your mate' marriage?  Because his wife gave in to a fleeting moment of passion?  We all know how little that means in terms of the larger picture.  Sure, if you have reason to believe that this is part of an ongoing pattern and not a one-time thing, then maybe tell him.  But not now...

Just my two cents...

Have fun, CGP

The woman is nuts! She's obviously sick of staying in this marriage and wanted to be caught.  How else do you explain banging someone so close like her husband's best mate's brother?  Why wouldn't you tell your best buddy? It's in nobody's best interest to keep quiet about this. If it happened once, there's always a second time.  She could be out banging everyone. Better talk to her and find out what's going on? A word of caution though, thread carefully.

Yeah, I cant believe she did it with him.  That just totally shocked the hell out of me.  They were both very drunk, mind you...  sometimes shit happens I suppose.

Anyway..., I am already convinced NOT to say anything.  The rule about staying out of other people's relationships holds true.  There is no upside.  If it happened just the once then why have it destroy my mate's family?  I have e no evidence about any other flings, so why let speculation cause such an eruption?  Nah..., best just stay silent.  I do far, far worse and would hate it if some fucker told my wife about it!!

Anyway, I have another personal reason to be quiet too.  Of ALL the people who might uncover my sneaky deeds this gal is the most likely.  She's my mates best friend who HAS been caught before.  The fact that I have this bit of dirt on her gives me protection from her opening her mouth to my wife.  But it is only a useful bullet when left unsaid...  once the truth is out it is out -- cant be used again.  I'll hold onto this information until needed.

He stepped out on her, and if he lives in hong kong, he has probably being doing
the same since, just not as regularly, and probably doesnt have a mistress,
a guy will generally take the oppotunity for a one nighter, or an occasional
pump, but a girl when she steps out is looking for a way out......
unfortunately the chances of them surviving is limited, she was probably
quite hurt, and can never truly trust him again...i experienced this just from
having fun on the internet with women when icq was popular,
my ex figured i was cheating on her...no...the women were miles away,
but in his case it was very real....

as far as telling him...i wouldnt get involved...even though it was with brother,
that might even complicate things more...ignorance is bliss....chances are if you told him,
and said it was your brother...your freindship would end anyways...you sound
like you are close to him and his wife....what the fuck...they both cheated...if it
helps them survive the marriage, then that will be good....maybe that is something they should
discuss.....i dont tell nyone anything when it comes to extra marital events...
unless they set these things straight before or during their relationship, the risk is all theirs,
why interfere.....they both played....game on

cheers

i will beat the shit out of my brother for screwing my mate's wife.
then i will blackmail my mate's wife to let me fuck her in return for keeping my mouth shut.
when i am sick of her, i will tell my mate to divorce the bitch.

I will answer that question assuming I am that man.

If my wife were cheating on me, I wouldn't want to know unless she is thinking of dumping me/killing me. As long as she is loyal to me, makes me happy, and is devoted to my kids, I don't care what she does in her free time.

And no, I am not married but I have been in a relationship and have never cheated on my partner. That said, I do realize we live in an imperfect world where people make mistakes.

None of this would help you of course but it should put into perspective what I would now say.

Ultimately you need to ask yourself:

1. What is the cost of telling the truth? What can go wrong if you tell the truth?
2. What do you lose if you lie (by omission)?

dude, are you stupid or sth?
always stay out of people family business no matter what. just pretend you ain't know shits and leave them to figure out themselves.

Just turn a blind eye on this, and stay away from them.
It's not easy to keep in touch with them, you know, you have secrets in your mind, and it may open a can of worms.

so bro any update on your story?

the way i see it is its better to be discreet, even if they're ok with it or they do it too, you never know if it could potentially slip up!

not saying you can't trust your bros but there are somethings that still need to be kept secret.

for those saying they would remind their mates of their sig other, i would probably do that too..keep both of their interests in mind

there is no win for you on this. Tell and you cover your mate and stab your Bro. Dont tell vica versa. lesser of 2 evils... do nothing and tell your Bro he is a shit for putting you in this situation, in future he should be more discrete and you dont want to know about it...

and yes the irony of you mate giving fidelity advice is quite funny but at the end of the day I think best you don't do anything with this.

Yep.  I agree and have stepped away.

Anyway, yeah.., it is funny that she leans on my shoulder for such things.  Ya see... I AM one helluva a good actor!!  Two lives!  

The upstanding, hardworking family-man.

The wickedly active man-whore and savior of Wanchai Damsels.  

I note thread is old but it made me think but I wanted to reply, at least in sympathy with your predicament Wander. Your choice was the absolute correct one IMHO, nothing to be gained by disclosure and much to be lost.
I have been in the same situation - from both ends of the equation actually and it seriously fucks with your brain. I can clearly recall THE phone call I received from a mistress' husband after he found put about our escapades, scary moment & not something easily forgotten. He was gracious enough not to call my wife, apparently due to the impact it would have on my kids, actually I don't care about his reasoning I was just grateful (long story behind this, best told in the Cone of Silence over many drinks).
Likewise I was privy, but not involved, with a good friend's (female & no i haven't banged her) indiscretions and I'm glad I kept my knowledge to myself and their marriage is still going strong.
Here's the thing, people fuck around as we all know, God knows how much irony there is in that statement. Excepting in cases of violence or disease prevention there is no value in exposing the situation to SO's of those involved, just fucks up people's lives.

The ability to keep our secret side and keep other people's secrets are just two sides of the same coin.

Think about it, it does take alot self-discipline and mindfulness to maintain and keep track of all of our secrets. In doing so, we must put out a particular vibe that girls can sense and mis-interpret as sensitive guys who can keep secrets.

Which leads to another irony is that girls don't realize asking their men to become sensitive is a double-edged sword conundrum. Positive is he understands her feelings and negative, he understand other girls' feelings too and is willing to use that power to charm girls to do wonderous things for him...which can lead to our SO becoming jealous and paranoid.

Mate, there are some things that you just have to let lie (pardon the pun).  It is not your argument and you should not exploit the situation - either as a mate, a brother, or someone who knows that she strayed.

I know you have already made you call on this, but let me add... I think you did right.no good is going to come of opening this up, it's their deal, let them deal with it.  Think of the many, many, many, many times you have stepped out. No good would have come of someone ratting you out. Wouldn't have helped you or your SO. Let cheaters cheat, and let them deal with what that means. Same as you do.

Though, you might tell the bro - not cool. Sleeping with your brothers best friends wife... Not a cool move. He put you in a kind of shit position, and if he was gonna do that, he should have kept that shit dead secret. Even from you.

Just my thoughts.

With my history, I don't think I'll ever have the moral authority to rat any one out, no matter how egregious the violation. I'd imagine if you think about it, you might have the same position as well.... Not to mention, just as much to lose should yo go stirring up hornets nests about other peoples infidelities. They may know more about you than they have let on already. And with you, there is much they could know. If you get my point.

Imagine she gets pregos?  and the kid comes out looking like Wander? LOL...  technically Wander and his bro have the same exact genetic makeup so it's not so far fetched.  Wander's friend would be like, WTF? Why does my kid look just like you bro?! LOL