You are still young! Just date around more so you know what qualities you do Like and what qualities turn you off. With enough dates you will eventually find someone youwant to settle down with. Be sure not to always date the same type of girl so you can let yourself explore and grow.

Just my two renminbi on the issue.

I know many men (and women) who have the same issue.

I think much of this is that we're all brought up on disney-style stories of prince charming rescuing in the princess but its rarely that way for both sides. Prince charming is never perfect and the princess rarely is the exciting woman we see. I suppose the fantasy is the fantasy because its the fantasy (which is where punting is fun in so many ways).

I wouldn't worry about approaching 30 though, You're still young enough to meet a woman that ticks all the boxes and have of fun until you do!

Just don't do what a friend of mine did, meet a girl who ticks every box in the fantasy. Once he'd settle down with her he found that the fantasy on a daily basis wasn't quite what he hoped and he stills says he lost too many years unhappy.

45mins to an hour of exercise...

For now I'm giving up on the dating scene because it just doesn't interest me anymore.. a reason why I'm falling further into this hobby.  It's not even just punting, I'd rather just have fun with my hobbies than anything else (golf, snowboard, hockey etc.).  Everyone tells me when I meet the right person I will know, but I'm very doubtful.


I agree I fell into that disney type of relationship during college and I learned after a long term relationship that we weren't ready for it (hit me as we were looking to purchase a house together, thankfully we never did go through with it).  The mid 30s girls I meet seem to have curbed their high expectations developed in their 20s... but at this point I don't have any long term interest in them.  The problem for me now are those girls in their 20s demand so much, I know if I didn't have a good job or ambition they wouldn't stick around.  That's why I mentioned earlier punting is almost as empty as dating (emotional aspect) because that girl I'm dating would ditch me the moment shit hits the fan: no car, no more nice dinners, gifts, etc.  It's tough to develop any kind of a connection, friends or otherwise beyond college.

Nothing wrong with that (in my opinion). There are lots of never-married people who live happy lives.
Are you in a career where being older and single could have negative implications?

i was a nerd in high school and got a lot of NOTHING from gals when i was insanely horny. but soon i acquired some "game" and was raging in the party scene. yeah, it was fun. didn't get anyone pregnant or crash any automobiles. i was lucky.

now: i've been married, i punted during that time but not in HK: i guess that was my "rule," but i think my SO wd have been OK with it, i'm sure she was aware. nowadays, i respect that women are usually seeking a life-partner, kids, security: why not.

it ain't me, babe: i've been through that phase, there was a distinct endpoint. i'm single and fine with it. i like having my time for my interests, work and hobbies. if that makes me selfish, so be it.

but i like sex, and i especially like that it's available as a service. and like any service, treat your service-providers well. for me it IS like a restaurant: oh yeah, that dish looks TASTY. but remember that the waitress is a human being: if yr order isn't quite what you wanted, request a change, but don't be a dick about it! people in service-industries are people first and workers second. this is as true in the 141 scene as anything.

one thing i enjoy is talking with WGs about their work/lives. this of course means you have to maintain professional discretion: whether they have a boyfriend, their real name etc are none of your business (and your details are equally private). but i've spent hours in the room of more than one 141-walkup, yakking away and cuddling with some gal, and it's enjoyable. they're in that room all day, they welcome the diversion. most guys wanna show up, knock it, pay and leave. fine. sometimes it's that way...esp in HK where time is literally money. but sometimes, u get to chat.

and yes, sometimes women like sex, treat them well and it'll happen. many bros know this already!

Jack

Sa14,


Well let me tell you something. I know you probably got out of a long term relationship, and you want to really explode and experience all and every type of girl you can find with no strings attached. But two things that I see will eventually happen:

1. You will realize that in this hobby, you will become numb and empty at times. You will be reminiscent about what it felt like to have someone actually truly care and love you.

2. You become completely jaded about women in general and it becomes even harder for you to be in a relationship later on. As you realize how many women can be bought with cash, you tend to carry on that same sort of mentality towards a civvie-- where you lose patience easily and think...why am i wasting so much time on you when i could get a girl 10 times as pretty for half the money i spent on you who wouldn't talk back to me. Of course hobbying will affect your mindset and outlook on relationships and even women in general.

Word of advice is...if you really want a relationship, it's better to do it while you are young, where there's not much of an age gap between you and your SO. There's at least a fighting chance or you feel better about the relationship because you can be at ease to know that perhaps she's wanting to be with you because of you and not because of your money. As i've stated before, when you get to be my age where I look like I'm the girl's father or grandfather, and I walk down the street with a 19-20 something year old, there's no denying the girl is after my money and not after my looks. In addition, there is NO future between us. However when you are younger, there's still hope that you two match well together and girls will daydream and dream about a future with you and all of those romantic thoughts equate to a more romantic, deeper and more meaningful relationship.

Time waits for nobody.

AsnDragon-- wish i had been in more relationships while i was younger, now that i'm older it's kinda ridiculous to be in a relationship, i can only be involved in a sponsorship type of arrangement.

I read that scientists are proposing that serial monogamy is perhaps the most suitable relationship type for the human species

What do you mean having a career being older and single could have negative implications?  I can't think of anything...


Well that's the thing.. my long term thing ended a good 5 years ago and I already exploded including dating many many people, backpacking Europe (http://forum.sex141.com/eforum/v ... 544&highlight=) and other countries, drinking like no tomorrow, and even experimenting with some drugs.  I do feel empty and numb if I am mongering or if I find a normal girl but my expectations are so high (what makes YOU different from everyone else?)  

I do have a great group of friends including a few platonic girlfriends who I would trust with my life, but no one at the moment I am romantically involved with.  I know what you mean: when I dated those girls in their mid 30s I thought a girl a decade younger would give us a good amount of time to explore the world and just have fun together and grow with.  The problem is I drove a stake in the ground for good measure from my exs or even my platonic friends, any girl I date can't seem to beat those expectations (even though I know it is unfair as she has to compete with a large amount of history).  I figure I may settle with one of those platonic people, I don't know if that spark can be found anymore- I may have killed it through my adventures.

I appreciate your honesty about your age and relationships with girls, I've seen it a lot in Thailand and Wan Chai but it's something out of our control.  If it happens it happens, I can't control if a girl leaves/divorces me or if I will leave.. and you're right times goes by quickly so I know it can be a matter of time where my arrangement is sponsorship.  

I know girls have dreamed about a future with me (I don't want to sound conceited), but it's just I never see a future with them.  I just hope by the time I reach my 30s my mindset will have changed.. but I'm on a slippery slope mongering and exploring the world, the more I travel and adventure the less things excite me.  To think of it many girls I meet are either in the financial industry, lawyers, accountants etc... of course they bore me- they want to buy the house and spend the evenings eating dinner and watching TV... that isn't quite for me yet...

I get V.A.M.

Vaginally Assisted Masturbation

This is a truth for many men I imagine. They've had girlfriends in their 20's and the expectations (and resulting pressure!) is so high that they're exhausted of the idea and are finding true happiness indulging in hobbies they maybe lost track of earlier on.

You solve that by never visiting the same WG for more than, say, 3 times, or whatever is a reasonable limit that won't get you in falling in too deep.

You solve it by having some self-control. Like many of the bros here we have strict rules for ourselves - its those that will keep us in the game for the long term.

You just need to keep yourself in check. Like I always tell my buddies about CP - its a disneyland where everything is fantasy. Its great to live in and totally believe in that fantasy for a while (that's the whole fun of it!!) but you gotta pinch yourself and get back to reality at the end of the trip.

Repent ye!   Repent ye!  Repent ye!

I'm in my late 30's... middle life crisis time... bored with life and my marriage but have no interest in going for the hair transplant and convertible.

Life at home is dull, and I enjoy the rush of of mongering.  

I think the planning and emotional build up is actually better than the sex itself in some respects.

Patience, grasshopper

A man's "golden years" are 35-45

your life will get better and better

and so - surprisingly - will your sex life, as the sort of hot chicks who ignored you in the past (because they were chasing maturity wisdom status and wealth) start to chase you

resist the temptation to make a long-term commitment too early, before you peak!

That is so true!  I get chased by more girls now, since I passed forty, than I EVER did.  Especially in Asia where a 10 year age gap is completely acceptable.  

The problem is "dating" when you have an SO.  Hard.

Asking a hot, desirable, civvie to walk 20 feet behind you when in public doesn't sell well.  Asking your new date to meet at a love hotel usually falls flat.  I have had a few civvie girlfriends on the side who knew my situation and played along perfectly, but it is rare.  

So, punting allows you to play with a beautiful girl on your terms.  Completely secret from your "real" world.

It's hard to find civvies that play along well. most girls that get attached to you emotionally always never let go of the potential dream of being able to have you all to yourself. However, if the girl on the side is the really jealous type, or the type that has fallen really deeply into you, it's really hard to shake them off! They try tactics to text you while you are with your SO, drop some types of hints in your luggage or pockets etc that might stir up some type of trouble back at home. In the very end, girls are a bit territorial when it comes to men and get awfully jealous and possessive.

Mongering is the safest way to maintain your current status quo relationship with your SO. Only problem is...after a while all bros want a bit of GFE from the civvie and we push the envelope a bit too much at times, putting us in a very vulnerable position where SO and girl on the side are deeply in love with you= THAT spells trouble.

i do it because i want to see whatz behind there, you can live upto your imagination and you can pretty much grab any of those ass on the wups. i love it when they strip.....keep on f*cking!

Not even 30 yrs old and giving up on finding a suitable partner doesn't seem right, Bro.

Here is a good quote from a Korean mother (mine):  

"simpleneeds, listen up~ there are a lot of women you will love.  You are a man...  Men have many rooms in their heart that can be filled by many occupants, but women only have 1 room.  The girl who falls in love with you when you are mature is the girl whose room you will move in to as her husband."  (tough to translate from KOR -> ENG...sorry).  

I think those were pretty wise words coming from an old-school Korean mom born from the ashes of the Korean war.

Recommendation would be to definitely maintain your standards, but know that standards change as you get older.  Most kids want to be president when they're young, but soon find out that "living in a van, down by the river~~" may suffice too...  Also, stop looking for relationships and giving girls grades.  She may have intangibles that you never realized were so attractive.  

The key takeaway is, your standards right right now will not be your standards when you're 35, 40, 45, 50, so don't let your current standards restrict you from accepting what your future standards may be.  Standards are dynamic and will inevitably change every few years, if not sooner...  

I'm only 34, so I sort of know where you are right now, i.e. we've grown up in similar times, so I understand what you're saying and why you have these crazy high standards, etc.