A brutal confession of a current situation:  I am just getting this out there to help clear my head.

This is the danger of my style of punting - you can really get "into" a girl far too much!

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I can't get her out of my head!  And I know she's playing me....  but she's still sucking up far too much of my brain power...

Okay, this is not "Mai from Thailand" that I reported about last.  Yeah, Mai is spectacular, but her English is just not good enough for us to ever reach a real close connection.  This is one of the great things (and shitty things) about punting here in Asia - the language barrier is enough to make forming any kind multi-dimensional relationship based on something more than just good sexual chemistry all but impossible.  Go for a weekend trip or even a few dinners and you see just how hard it is to communicate deeply about anything.

No, this girl, Joann, I have never reported about.., but I did mention her story in a thread somewhere (can't recall which one).  She is a Filipina/Western mix, and from a wealthier background (a relative term, mind you - wealthy in the Philippines does not mean a "western" standard of living).  She seems to do the WG thing every now and then on a whim.  I think it is a fun ego-trip for her.  Like Mai, she is simply one of the most beautiful women I have ever known.  And it seems like we were made for each other sexually.  All the parts fit together.  An instant attraction that grows every time I see her;  every time she opens the door I go "wow".

I met her when she was 24 - almost 3 years ago - so she's reaching 27 today.  We hit it off in spectacular fasion from day 1, and subsequently have spent many, many nights and days together.  When she travelled back home for a few months I found a work excuse to head to Manila and we spent the weekend together with her showing me all the sites and and an all-round good time.  She's got a Uni-degree and speaks exceptional english, so we had no problem really getting to know each other, communicating on a range of topics, and the more we learned, the more we liked.  Damn.

After about 6 months together she began professing her love for me.  Saying she wanted no other man to touch her again.  I was always honest - told her that not only do I have a serious SO, but that I am also a world-class slut:  many hundreds of women have been in my bed, and that wouldnt change if she was my SO!  That I would be a horrible choice for her to love - so go find a single, loyal man your own age!  Didn't matter..., she said none of that mattered..., she would wait for me.  That she knows her heart regardless of what her brain tells her.

I pushed her away many times; ending it cold turkey on more than one occassion because it was just too spooky.., too intense.  Yet, she kept coming at me..., kept on saying everything right and doing everything right until I would see her again and we'ld be back in the middle of an intense, emotional relationship.  Finally, a lengthy seperation (I was travelling a lot for work, she went home for a family reunion, etc. etc.) was enough to clear the fog and I said a firm farewell.  Wished her well, but GOODBYE!!  I had to do it by email because I knew I wouldnt be able to say good bye with her eyes looking back at me in tears.  Cowardly, I know.  But I said goodbye at least....

And then I learned she has a new boyfreind.  At first I went "Good!, it's over".  Then I went, "What's this guy like anyway?", then, "What the fuck does she see in him??".  So, we're back in touch and I agree to meet her (stupid) and we fuck like rabbits and instantly we're back to where we were months ago.  All smitten over each other and with me, once again, forced to tell her not to love me, NOT to break up with him because I AM NOT AVAILABLE ANYWAY!!

Then they get engaged.  And I went WTF?!?  And met her and fucked her brains out to celebrate.  

I am now at the stage where I am saying rather cold and mean things to her (not terribly mean, I am too nice a guy for that, and can't bring myself to be overly mean to her) - just so I can get her to finally tell me to fuck off.  To give up, move on, so I can get far enough away that I can forget her.  It seems all my goodbyes she deflects and somehow gets me back into her life.

Fucked up, eh?  

She's never tried to sucker me for cash.  No buffalo stories, no sick grandmas.  

I "sunk".  I have just said goodbye to her again..., it might work this time.  Which fills me simultaneously with a sense of relief and deep regret.  

Wow....

[ Last edited by  wander at 18-2-2011 15:44 ]

looking for absolution ?

you're a schmuck ... but then again most of us are anyway ...

No, not absolution.  

I just find writing shit down sometimes helps to clarify my thoughts.

You reject her when she's available, you want to get her back when she's not but without consequence of developing anything that goes beyond the bed

My point of view, she's a freebie - keep it as no strings attached and just have fun when ur around her

It's time to trot out this old chestnut...this deal is really simple.

The girls offer a service for a fee, pay the fee, enjoy the service.


I mean, that's pretty much it.

Now, this has got to be one of the greatest deals ever. You get what you want, she gets what she wants, you're even, it's over. Yet, some people confuse being well fuckedwith being in love, and that's dangerous. Don't get me wrong...you can like and appreciate her, and vice versa, but you have to remember at the end of the day, it's a business relationship and not a whole lot more. You're just going to set yourself up for some serious pain if you can't abide by what really is a very simple transaction.

In a way I guess I understand.  I've always said my biggest fault is that I really love women, I appreciate them and I enjoy making connections with them.  I've been infatuated with a few, but I wouldn't ever leave my SO to be with them.  I've made some awesome connections that I'm glad fell short, or ended quickly, because I think your reality now has always been something I fear.  

I actually saw a nice Japanese for a short time frame, we really hit it off, she new my situation, but didn't care.  We had a short fling, ended it and ran into each other about 4 months later and started off right where we left.  I moved (not really far) and we said our goodbyes.   It was the best thing that could have happened for me!  I still think about her and I do know how to get a hold of her, but I don't.  As much as I loved the times we had, it wasn't really fair for her or good for me, no matter how awesome it was when we were together.

IMO you just need to move on, if your like me, I'm sure you care about her and you're going to think about her, but the best thing for both of you is to move on and live your own lives.

NLion Bro, that's exactly what she said:  "you push me away until you can't have me.., then you're all over me".  But this is not quite true:  I did push her away - it was too heavy, and I used her engagement as a further reason - for HER to be damn careful!  It was her who told me, yet again "it is you I love, not him..., please meet me, please, please, please".

.... And eventually I say yes.  

I think I have ended it this time.  But I don't feel the slightest bit happy about it.

Despite all my "experience"; despite her being just a kid;  I still ended up crashing and burning with this one.

And no, I can't use her for a casual sex partner.  We get too damn heavy when we're together.  It's like crack to an addict - there is only one way out:  never touch it again or go down in flames.

The Philippines is a dangerous destination, especially for Bros with a taste for cute, fun caramel. Filipina girls often present great personalities, Western sense of fun and humor, speak great English and have mastered the art of making Bros feel special.

Your ownly solution is to bang other girls, and lots of em. It will help you remember it's fun not love.
Easier said than done, nice guys get sunk easy, especially by Fil girls, you won't be the last Bro.

Yeah Tony, I know this  perfectly well from an intellectual point of view.  I've seen it lots, heard a billion more tales, and wrote on here endlessly while keeping this little secret about being "captured" myself.  (I was too embarrassed about it, I suppose).

In all my years, and hundreds of punts, this seemed impossible.  But each time we met it got a little deeper.  Bit by bit until you suddenly realize your thinking about little else.  

My pure-GFE punting style is fraught with this danger, I suppose.  

Anyway.., I am in recovery.  My wallet is undamaged.  Could have been worse!!

random ques, would things be different if you didn't have a SO?

I used to be in a situation like you but with a Mong Kok type-girl.  It's like a drug addiction that you can't shake.

What I did was to fuck other bitches from the DB and read articles from askmen.com.

Ah, Sirtiger Bro, that indeed is the billion dollar question.

I had my moment of thinking "what if, hmm, what if".  I almost answered "yes, I do want her forever".  And then I woke up a bit and remembered why this 26-year-old beauty was really beside me.  That was the moment I said goodbye first, actually.  I realized I was in way too deep.

I wonder if her bf is much like you but can't say goodbye?  Best you move on, you have a SO that you seem to care about greatly, so anytime you sense sinking ship, think of her and you'll find the strength to walk away.  

The only remedy is punting, more punting!

any real pics for this report??

Yeah, I wonder that too.  I wonder if he will go thru with it.  According to her they met while she was "working" in a bar and he was a punter.  So he knows she does this.  I guess he believes she's stopped.  I feel for that guy - his girl slept with me days after they got engaged.  Man, thatks harsh.  I am sure
she'll keep doing her thing and one day he'll learn the truth.  No doubt much heartbreak (and a pricey divorce) will follow.   


PS:  yeah Bros, I have been punting like mad.  4 times this week - including the amazing Angelia.  Aint working.  As soon as I leave the bed my mind wanders back to Joann.  Man, wickedly sunk.  Only distance will work.  Time and distance.

[ Last edited by  wander at 19-2-2011 12:35 ]

What do you mean, Hunter?  

I am certainly a 3rd party here.  I wonder, actually, if there is a 4th and a 5th.  Clearly she is saying all the lovey things to her fiancé, and simultaneously tells me she doesn't love him but that I am "the one".  She's "only with him because I pushed her away...."   Man, a good line!  I can't argue against it.    She is a master at making you think her world revolves around you.

Maybe it's time for a vacation to clear your head? I think many of us suggested going through the DB last time, but apparently, that aint helping; time to go cold turkey I say.

I fully understand your situation and know what's going on your head.  Because I used to be in the same situation as yours several years back.

In your case, I tend to believe that Joann really fell for you and could just be using the guy to fill the gap in order to forget you.  But how will she be able to forget you if you still keep in touch with her every once in a while?  

It is true that she is a wg, but they are human too with real emotion and affection, who dreams that one day no matter how corny it might sound, a prince charming will come their way, to rescue them from their plight and let them live a 'normal' life.  So if you can't provide that to her, one way or another, she'll look for someone to take that place, even if he's her second (or only) choice.

Although it's easy to say "keep away from her and don't make further contacts in the future", I know that's easier said than done, but it's your only recourse to avoid going back to where you started.

Anyway, good luck and keep us posted.  I'm sure she'll just be a sweet memory to you in the years ahead.

[ Last edited by  disktroyer at 20-2-2011 03:35 ]

You didn't have to regret the move, as you have met an exceptional woman we can't even consider similar to those listed in the DB (primarily because she never asked for cash).

It's time to move on. You had fond memories with her, it's like you got what you wanted from her -- from the freebies in bed even when she was attached to someone to her staying away from you by getting engaged.

Not all of us will have experience like yours, so consider yourself fortunate. But then again if the bond was stronger because you spent more time together, letting go is easier said than done. But you're a man, you can do it. Good luck!

You all are right that one day I will have fond memories of Joann.  I never even thought how one day I'll realize how lucky I was to have even had this moment in time with such a woman.  You're right!

But Christ, right now I look at her picture (sorry, can't post them) and cave in - thinking OMG you're saying goodbye TO HER!??!!?  Are you crazy!!??!?!

One Bro said "think of your SO to keep your strong". Yeah, that is the best medicine all right.  We went out last nite for a good meal and an "accidental" great party (one of those nites that starts slow and easy and just turns into a great wild time).  Then we're back in bed at 3am and just chatting in such a drunkenly loving way:  she knows every button I have - and pushed every one to make me feel awesome.  Just a sweet, sweet nite.  A wonderful woman I have.

And then I wake and think of Joann.  Fuck!!  

It will pass.  She will fade in time.