Anyone watch the show Outsourced?  Well there is a character named Gupta that talks on and on and on and doesn't seem to stop.  Whenever the people in town see him, they run the opposite direction.  I have a colleague that is just like Gupta.  Sometimes the guy will come talk to me, and I'll find that only after an hour and a half of conversation (more like him talking and me nodding along politely) am I able to escape.  Every one in a while is ok, but 4/5 days every week is too much.  The things he says is not related to work and when he runs out of things to say, he just repeats his stories.  He really can't take the subtle hints.  I give short responses and just nod along.  It's really effecting my productivity and I'm actually surprised he has all this time to talk and still get his work done.  Other people avoid him, but I cannot since we work directly together.  He even comes by during lunch.  So I can't tell him I'm working at the moment.  I just need my peace and quiet time to recharge and maybe check the stock markets.

What is a professional way of telling him to not bother me so much and go talk to someone else?  I would tell him honestly, but i don't want to offend him.

[ Last edited by  johndoe83 at 6-11-2010 17:04 ]

We all know someone like this, all you can do is grit your teeth.

He probably just needs to get laid.

"Oh, sorry got some work to take care of right now, talk to you later"
"Oh got to call this client/agent/whatever right now - talk to you later"
"Oh sorry, got to run to the loo BADLY!!  Talk to you later"
"Oh gotta rush to the bank/dry-cleaners/coffee shop,copier...... see ya later"

Say the above and a few other variations enough times and hopefully he'll learn that you're not gonna "entertain" him - and it's probably how others are handling him. And' I'd venture to guess that you had been "too nice a guy" - and thus the perfect sucker for him.  Fact is, I'm surprised that you'd even need to ask this question - as its practically second nature to most of us in business/working. Blowing off anybody is not rocket science!

And make no mistake about it - you ARE a sucker for alowing this to happen as your bosses is NOT gonna differentiate who's starting the chit-chats - all he knows is that both of you ain't doing your jobs.

Just my POV

SEAJ

I guess I'm the "nice guy" around the office.  I get suckered into doing the jobs no one else wants to do.  But I take one for the team because I'm going for a promotion.  (Sun lay Sun Ju Yook) I'm in my 20's and this guy is 30+ years older than me.  I suppose he thinks he's mentoring me.

I've tried all those lines before.  He doesn't seem to get the point for some reason.  When I come back from the bathroom, he's sitting in my work area waiting for me.  Sometimes, the "I need to work" line will help me get rid of him, but when he comes by around lunch time (almost every day) he'll say "it's almost lunch time, take a break and relax."  Then my whole lunch hour is gone.

Another colleague used to get sucked into his trap, but after 6 months of it, couldn't take it anymore.  He just leaves the office during the lunch hour.  He is also a nice guy, but since he doesn't work with the Office Talker, he decided that it's one relationship, he can afford to ruin.  So now there's one less person to split the time with.

If he wasn't in my work group, I would just be direct and tell him to get lost.  But since we work together, he actually might have some say in my future promotions (he's not quite my supervisor, but one of the guys with some sort of influence).  I think I'm just going to hide and go somewhere else during my lunch hour.  I just don't want to upset him when he realizes I'm avoiding him.

It's really a delicate balance with these work relationships.  It's something I'm going to have to figure out as I get more experience in the business world.

It may be second nature to the other c hings, so that's why I ask.  If you all have time/funds to monger, you all must be doing something right in life.  I just feel I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place!

My advice, find someone in the office you trust, probably a lady, just say 'look when Office Talker comes in to my work area give him 3 minutes then call me' then tell Office Talker 'oh shit, it's my old lady and she's pissed, I gotta take this'.  I think most guys have had to make this deal with someone in the office.

I like my job. I try and put up with shit as its not worth getting fired over those people who talk too much. I just ignore them were humanly possible.

Putting on your earphones is a huge hint too

Ok - see your quandry....sort of!

OK - try this one.

Anytime he comes up to you to just chit chat, STEER him back to work by asking him about whatever you're doing then/been assigned to do.  Make him to actually be your mentor and to do the work together with you...or even for you!  

Don't get suckered back into talking about personal stuff or the BS he's always wanting to talk about.  And hopefully that's the key - that if he knows that you're ONLY going to be chatting with him about work, that you're not an enjoyable talking partner.  OTH, you're ALWAYS professional and eager to do your job perfectly - something which he cannot deny or even forget to mention in his apprasial of you/good for your career.

You continue just playing nice guy - let me tell you bros - sooner or later he's gonna think of you as his best mate. But a guy with such insecurities and loneliness is NOT a guy you'd want to have you considered as his best mate - for he's a guy who WILL turn on you when he feels the least bit slighted. And WHOA FILLY - he's gonna make your life miserable!

Remember - 1 minute max. pleasant chit chat, and then straight back to pure business talk.

SEAJ

That's actually a pretty good idea.  If he's talking to me, I might as well learn something from him.  That's what's really been keeping me sane.  The fact that I know if I have some business related questions, I can ask him.

I'm going to try that, just keep talking shop, maybe he'll even be bored with me find someone else to talk to! That way he won't feel slighted if he's the one that doesn't want to talk to me.

I'm going to try the phone call thing too! Except during lunch time most people have disappeared since they know he'll be coming by.  I'm going to have to set some sort of autodialer.

Always good advice in this forum.  Mongering and otherwise!

Thanks SEAJ!

In my old job in the UK there was a really big fat guy who used to be like this. We all used the take the piss out of him (behind his back ofcourse) saying he used to talk to you for an hour so he could get his breath back so he could walk to his seat.

My desk was closest to the door so he always used to stop off at my desk to sit and talk football, one thing that pisses me off is when someone who does not watch football tries to tell you things about it and you just know there wrong!

Anywayz, I used to keep my phone in my draw, so I used to call my desk phone from my mobile and pretend it was an important call. I felt like a dick pretending to talk to someone until he got his obese arse up to leave! I told my friends who were in the same room about this and they thought it was great so when he sat at someones desk after that we used to give them ten minutes and then call them.

[ Last edited by  Petay_1283 at 8-11-2010 12:50 ]

How did you call your desk phone from your cell that's in a drawer, lol.  The ten minute idea is good though.

you definitely want to be careful ... I once sunk a career by being too honest with a manager, who was then systematically vindictive every chance he could for the next 5 years until I left ... so with 20/20 hindsight ..

If you're shooting for promotion you can maybe turn it to your advantage:-
  go talk to some of his peers, and ask them for their opinion
  showing your discretion and diplomacy
  and your understanding of politics
That'll get you a (vitally important) reading on his level of political connectedness, and allow you to judge just how much of a risk you can afford to take in confronting him.   

He must be there because they tolerate him being on the payroll - either because of his connections or his influence
But equally he hangs around you because nobody else tolerates him much in their own presence

bottom line is you want to avoid "flipping out" and getting angry, but in order to protect your own credibility you can't allow him to use you as his emotional tampon.  Everyone can see what he's doing, and they can see you're being a doormat.  They want you to go on doing it so they don't get trapped the same way.  So you do need to gradually escalate until you find a solution.  Believe me, doormats don't get promoted: you need to demonstrate you can get your way without making an enemy.  

I love the phone suggestion - great - and you may find another approach by asking around discreetly internally ...

Speed Dial lol he is sat on the other side of the desk, just open the drawer and press call then call

In our group we used to each have a big red button on our desk and whenever a colleague got into trouble like the OP we would push the button and someone would come to the rescue and give the person a phone call which would always do the trick........true story.

one way is to be closer to him.
buddy buddy with him.

2 endings.

1. u will grow to accept his non-stop nonsense.
2. u guys become such good friends, u can ask him to STFU and he will not get offended.


i once brought a new colleague to KTV.
he had a blast there... in fact that night popped his cherry.
after that, he keeps telling me how wonderful that KTV night was....
he keeps repeating every few days.. to me and other guys..
it was getting annoying.. but we just kept quiet.

it's been a few months..
and he still mention that first KTV experience..
but now that we are closer... i can ask him to STFU.

That's my style also, I feel most comfortable with someone when we both have enough shit on the other guy to say 'STFU' at which point the other will say 'FU gaylord'.   Then you both just laugh and get back to surfing the net and doing occasional work, and life is good again.

Being even more of his buddy might actually work!  The thing is in the US, I can't bring this guy to a sauna or KTV to hang out.  It would feel wierd to ask him out to a strip club too.  (Hong Kong is just too great that way.)   However, if I don't play my cards right, and I get too friendly with him, he might want to talk even more.  Also, if we become too good of friends, he might get even more hurt if I tell him to stop bothering me.

I agree with DArtagnan, in the end, the key to success in the business world is being able to get what you want from people.  These are life skills they don't teach you in school.  It just comes from life experience.  I am learning and will continue to learn all my life.

Thank you for all the suggestions!

There is no polite way to tell someone to " FUCK OFF"..But you need to draw the line somewhere...

Is he a friend or a work colleague... .Or does "HE" want to be "YOUR" friend..If you wanna have him as a friend then fine but if "NO" then you are just encouraging him which will make your life more difficult....

The next time he comes up to you there are a couple of phrases which you could use...

1.. Will you stop bugging me..

2.. Do you mind...

3.. Will you leave me alone..

Like i said ..There is " NO" polite way to say " FUCK OFF"...

Where are your balls fella..You sometimes need to be cruel to be kind...

You will face loads of obstacles in the road to success bro...Just consider it a learning curve...

What RICO knows will work is " THE STRAIGHT TO THE POINT NO BULLSHIT STRADEGY".. ( People will think more highly of you if you use this technique and you will gain respect along the way trust me...)

I agree to a point Bro!

But what he also says is that this guy has an influence in his office and may be able to prevent him getting a promotion, is he tells him to "FUCK OFF" even in a polite way, I think he can kiss that goodbye!

hmmm...

how abt u lie to him and say u r actually a closet gay..
see if he will back off..

LOL good idea unless he comes out the closet too.... "I always suspected"... "Aw shite"....

On the bright side... could get you promoted quicker!