Recently, my mom has been telling me to get into a relationship and she wanted to see me get married and have a couple of children. During the night, I thought about it deeply.

I thought I do need to be in a real relationship. Whenever Im with an WG, I unconsciously value the intimate act more so than the sex inself. For example, I look for eye contact, kissing, holding hands, hugging, etc more than if she gives great ball sucking, great BJ or if she has a tight pussy.

So yes, Im looking for a intimate relationship and it's proved by the fact that im contanstly looking for that feeling in my WG encounters. So the question arises, relationship are good but should I go as far as getting married and have children? Does it bring it to another level?

When I look at marriages, I look at my family. I was brought up in a single family. My dad left when i was young. And he didnt support us financially or bother to visit us. Not even once a year. Also Ive been witnessing the marriage of my relatives.  Some also resulted in divorse and many are just going through the motion. There are no more spark between them and they are together for the sake of the kids. I wonder if my uncle in macau goes mongering?

Also, a couple married and they are around 30 years old which is the average marriage age. Woman looks the best from 20 to 30. So does that mean marrying a 30 years old woman means buying stocks that you know for sure that its going to depreciate.

So what Im seeing here is, after couple of years of marriage, the wife becomes less and and less appealing and the feeling of intimacy decreases. Combine with a major money sink if they were to have kids.  This sounds like endless nightmare for the guy?

that said, I think family is a great. I value the relationship between my mom and my sister. I have been fortunte to be brought up in a pretty well off family. At least I can afford to go mongering couple of times a month.  I mean its great when every member in the family is well off. But more often than not many family result in very miserable life. Is it worth taking the risk and financial burden and all the crap for having a family? Does all the headache justify the cost of having a family?

what do you guys think?

there are just so many things wrong with your post that I don't even know where to begin

1. whether getting married and having kids is worth it, is a question u really should be asking yourself. people can give u advice, but it may not be good advice. it's down to what you think and what u believe in.

2. if u want a real relationship, stop the mongering and go find a GF. don't try to look for intimacy from a WG. even if u get it, it's probably fleeting and temporary and is unlikely to be meaningful to a degree that matters.

3. your SO should not become less and less appealing to u over time. if that's the case then u're probably with her for the wrong reasons. it's like if u married a hot girl with a really shitty personality, she'd most likely become less appealing to u as she ages. which is why u shouldn't be with someone purely based on superficial qualities alone.

4. you're grateful for your family because u're rich enough to allow u to go mongering a few times a month? there's something so wrong with that statement...it's kind of fucked up.

You say that marriage is a nightmare and that your wife would be a depreciating asset. This is the wrong way of looking at it as marriage has its joys and rewards. It's also the natural course of things. Most important is to find the right woman. One that would be a good mother and also let you loose from time to time. Take your time and work on it but do not rush into anything.

[ Last edited by  geoduck at 2-5-2010 19:41 ]

Marriage in a post industrial society has become an outdated concept it was valuable in an indusrtialised and argicultural society to form survival relationships and somebody to look after you in old age. Such relationships have broken down completely already and are only going to decay farther.

But this is selfish and outdated. In that the world of work has changed markedly there just is no job security and many of my peers are struggling to make ends meet the 30YO son or daughter at home is still common amongst my peers and considering I live in a horrible bedsit currently I see the temptation of going back to my dad's house (nobody lives there but once I do huge obligations fall on me I live out to avoid this).


In chinese societies though you have the offering thing though in that no children = no offerings your afterlife = bad.


Me? I don't want a family at all as I have felt that life is mostly hard and unpleasant if it was so hard and unpleasant most of the tine why do I want to put somebody else through that?

My family relationships have broken down completely, and similar things have happened with my uncles and aunts.

My sister I stopped talking to her since 1995, we hate each other. She didn't even visit me when I was hospitalised several times, she only talks to me when she wants something.

My dad is a user, he only talks to me or phones me when he wants something, I've grown wise to this and generally ignore him.

My mum walked out in 1993

WTF!!! You are asking this kind of selfish question in a sex forum?
Seeking opinions from punters, fornicators and adulteres?

Go talk to your own buddies, best friend, bro/sis or someone u look up to.

We are only going to give u some shit advice.

there's some truth to what Kennichi said above. sure life is hard and unpleasant, and from that logic, there's no reason why u should put someone else through that. but life can be rewarding too. u've gotta take the bitter with the sweet.

imagine this scenario: u decide that marriage isn't worth it. 50 years from now, u're old and alone while all your friends have got their wives, their children, their grandchildren. would u have any regrets if things turned out that way? no one can tell u objectively whether marriage is a good idea simply because no one can tell how your marriage will turn out (if u decide to marry). everyone will give a different response based on their own family life and experiences.

It is precisely why many people ask questions on forums, because there is a complete lack of vested interest other than the time that is invested here.

Asking for advice from people you know has strings and also has vested interests, as in his mum wants him to get married and settle down, she is therefore biased towards this and will steer him towards this.

While all of us are jusy random Johns with no such vested interest and can only judge by what he has posted, that is why people ask on forums than real life.

I think you have hit the nail on the head, so to speak.   

Getting married (at least in most Westernized societies), is something you do because you love another so much you can't imagine living with out her, not because your mother thinks it is a good idea. If you haven't found that connection with another, save yourself a lot of grief and stay single.

I am NOT advocating whether a guy should get married or stay single.
Pros and cons. To each own.

I am only referring to this thread and to the intention of this poster.

But you guys will know how ridicolous this thread/poster will be soon.

nothing against the rest of the posters who wishes to share their views.

Please continue ......

[ Last edited by  hunter at 3-5-2010 00:53 ]

punters are humans, too. Many of us also long for family and long term relationship.

For myself, I want to pass on my thoughts to the next generation because I played too much Metal Gear Solid 2. That's nothing more natural to do this by teaching my own offspring. Therefore I want to get married and have at least three children and then basically devote all my life to my career and my family.

I know I am weird. But that's my life, so I will do whatever I please.  I think OP should think like that too.

Gosh! You still dont get it!!

I think you're way too immature to consider doing what your mum says.  

I was almost going to say "yes, marriage and kids is worth it" ... but the reality is it's gruelling hard work and knocks the shit out of you in ways you would really prefer never to experience ... so you need to build up your own self-reliance and confidence before fucking up some poor girl's life and dreams with your lack of commitment and low standards.  

Go play a game of Sims instead: you can quit whenever you like, have much more control, and can start over if it's not working out the way you thought it should.

Sorry but you did ask!  

WEll, I've got two observations:

1.  You come from a broken home so you don't have a deeply ingrained experience of what it's like to have a mother and father working together to bring up the children.  This is true for at least half of the human population.  All it means is that you get this conflicted sense as to whether a family is a good thing or not.  Folks who grow up in really lousy households tend to have bad opinions of marriage.  Folks that grow up in households celebrating a 50th wedding anniversary and with 10 brothers and sisters tend to think that's the way to go.  It sounds like your mother did a very good job creating a homelife for you and your sisters if you still have a positive (if uncertain) view of marriage.

2.  A well kept woman in her 40's and 50's can be far, far hotter than any twenty-something.  I think this is easier to find in the U.S. because there's more of a culture of working out and staying fit, but asian women also have an edge on caucasian women in that it's more common for them to have the slender frames that lend themselves to staying trim.  And, ultimately, this is all superficial so don't worry too much about it.

Only other advice I can give (as an evil mongerer ) is to make sure and get someone who is all about serving and taking care of you . . . and then do your damndest to make sure you take care of HER even more so.  With the subservient female culture in Asia it's really easy for us guys to get sucked into being treated like kings, only to wake up one morning and find that she's resenting the hell out of us and everything!  The other big, big error that 'caring' guys make is to hitch themselves to a greedy bitch of a woman, all under the neurotic urge to save and serve her.  Ignore the big doe eyes and the "save me" attitude.  Find someone who loves others, sacrifices for others and then see to it that you do the same for her.

Me?  I'm booking my next session . . .

I think as long as you don't treat your kids like a toy that you use to brag in front of others, parenting can be easy. I think many parents put their kids thru too many hoops in their childhood. This makes the lives of the parents and the children miserable.

Having said that, I still believe parenting is hard work, so I am prepared to sacrifice all my life beyond my career to be the best parent I can be.

I've attached a link to a sight which outlines the cons to marriage. Particularly in the U.S., but I think it applies to any advanced economy. Personally I see marriage for men as being a very risky venture with the bias in the court system. If the marriage breaks down and I think something like half do, then you could be paying for your mistake for the rest of your life. Assets that you've spent your whole working life accumulating will disappear and future earnings harvested to support the ex in the style to which she's become accustomed. If you have kids, then be prepared to be a weekend dad at best. I've even heard of cases of guys paying child support for decades only to find out later that they weren't his.

http://nomarriage.com/index.shtml

Divorce in the U.S. is one of the quickest ways to completely destroy your accumulated wealth.  And it's not just a zero sum game, everyone does worse on both sides.

Well, the divorce lawyers needs to take their big cut.

I wonder if the days of celibacy/monogamy produced better marriages or not?  100 years ago people stayed married because they had to (it was a life or death thing in agrarian societies).  Did that just mean a lot of resentful pairings?  Or did it take everyone's mind off of the unattainable "Romeo and Juliet" thing?  

It does sometimes seem like the easy availability of all kinds of sex these days makes one a bit blase about finding someone to settle down with.

Your question is amazingly stupid. How about: Toyota Corolla, worth it? Duck noodle soup at Cafe De Coral, worth it? Brushing your teeth for a full five minutes instead of just thirty seconds, worth it? Dude, it depends on your own personal tastes, needs, talents, budget, etc! Obviously, it's worth it for some people, not worth it for others. The hard part is figuring out which category you fall into. If you can't figure it out yourself, talk to a friend/relative who knows you well, or hire a counselor, but don't ask a bunch of strangers who don't know you -- because they will be speaking from their own tastes/needs/desires, and not yours! Of course, I could talk to you for hours about my feelings about marriage for my own life, but that has absolutely nothing to do with you and your life!