Hey guys,

Don't wanna spoil the party... but for those married or in stable relationships, do your wifes/girlfriends have an idea that your are humping professionals?
If yes, how did they know and how do you handle that?
If no, how do you deal with your conscience? Do you have any regrets?
I don't want to moralize here, just pondering this issue myself. Everybody needs to find his own way of dealing with ethical problems. Just interested to hear your take on this?
Thanks!

So first of all do your SO know?

I would like to hear you story first.

I'm no expert, not married, but I would certanly never let any GF think that I would even consider visiting a WG. I just can't imagine any girl putting up with that. But, like I say, I'm no expert so who knows?

I know of a shanghainese friend who got caught, through mobile records. Forunately, his wife did not throw a big fuss and tear the house down. His wife is a less educated woman from a smaller city. I think because my friend holds the absolute financial power, she did not dare to really throw a big fuss.

Instead, she made it clear to her husband that flirting outside is okay as long as he doesn't bring any woman home or enter any long term affairs. She didn't appear to be angry, but just really sad about it. My friend felt really guilty about it and cut down a lot of time spent on WGs and with us, using the time to accompany his wife and family.

I'm not sure if this is the general Chinese or Asian wives reaction, but if this happens to my ex-gf and I, i'll probably get shot and my entire house looted. I think the result is subjected to your partner's personality and the relationships' dynamics.

For you to ask this question ... it looks like you have no understanding of women at all !!!

Castration is the word you should have in your mind if your other half ever found out !!!

If you want to do WG you shouldn't be thinking about morals !!!  Otherwise don't think about paying for sex !!!

i agree with 'twiceaweek' , if you want to sort ethics/morals/conscience out- try a holy place, not sex141 .
on the aspect of wife/gf knowing, u ain't a cheater until you get caught, some people i know have been fooling around for years and didnt get caught, some go caught on day 2.
but if you do get caught, she gonna blow your little brother with a machine gun

ponder away bro ... your conscience is your conscience ... our conscience will not solve the problem of your conscience ... you are unique, your situation is also unique ... you need to figure out what works for you in the situation you're in.  

Here's an example of a unique situation: as a kid I knew a guy who went sailing with his wife and girlfriend every year.  Clearly the women accepted it.  But the thing that makes their example remarkable is that it is just that: remarkable.  The fact I have to trawl back 30 years (ahem) to find a good example shows how rare it is.  Most women flip out and destroy everything they care about rather than accept their partner even looking at another woman let alone touching her or more.  

So, is your SO one of the rare and understanding gems, like the wife of my friend who told him to "go and find a girlfriend for 9 months" when she became pregnant?  

Or is she one of the insecure majority who would cause a scene, like the Western woman reported in the news a while back, who bullied her respectable Afghani muslim husband to give up his plans to take a second wife - completely disregarding his culture and his religion and steamrollering his true nature?  

You just have to get to know your partner better, and make your plans accordingly.  

Here are a couple of quotes from smart guys for you to ponder in your ponderings:-

"I would rather be whole than be good" C.G. Jung

"If A is success, the formula is A = X + Y + Z where X is work, Y is play, and Z is keeping your mouth shut".  A. Einstein

Ponder away.

I think the Muslim example shows up a good point - that the reaction of wives etc. will be, to some extent, a matter of cultural factors. for Muslims, it is not unusual to have more than one wife, although not many have more than two. The main thing there is that you have the means to support all your wives, and treat them equally. In other cultures, it is normal, even expected, for a married man to have a mistress, and they are quite open about it. In others, including 'Western' culture, the ideal is supposed to be monogamous marriage, and affairs usually have to be conducted on the quiet, and at the risk of the sort of result TaW mentioned.

I don't think there is anything inherently immoral about seeing WGs, as long as they are treated well and doing it of their own free choice - after all, they're probably making a helluvu lot more moola than they would working in a factory somewhere, so it's a win-win as far as I can see. As for doing it behind the wife's/GF's/SO's back, that's a matter for each bro to come to his own conclusions about.

Finally, at least there are some of us who are still in touch with reality and getting our head straight about this sex forum RE: ethic and moral.

Unlike some bros who talked and brag about morality and ethic when fucking a WG and cheating on their wives/GFs.........

no chance of knowing, my gf would chop my dick and nuts up and force feed me with it....

actually over here in Oz for some relationships its accceptable for the man to see a hooker. They say it keeps the man intrested and they'll always come back to their love. don't know if it really works out in the end

No, I take all possible caution to not let my wife in Beijing to know. More than this, for me 141 is a sport and that is it. A hobby... I m in love wit my wife and end of the story

really? i can't believe that. i know that its not really a divorce deal for guys to visit strip clubs and get a few pops every now and then in the states and some parts of europe. i never knew in aussie it has become a norm.

Morals and conscience are "recent" inventions (i.e. by philosophers, moralists, writers, teachers and priests) during the last 2000 years or so.

The physical and psychological drives of men to put their penis in as many different women as possible is something that is ancient and has evolved over at least several million years and is clearly part of man's (or perhaps a million years ago, prehistoric man's or monkey's) DNA.

Morals and conscience are no match for the physical and psychological drives. They will lose every time.

If you are worried about your wife finding out about your hobby, then welcome to the community, have fun and be safe.

If you are worried about things like morals then give up your hobby.

Have fun. Keep on mongering

Well, sorry guys. There is no story as of yet.
I am married for three years and wouldn't have imagined were my mind strays now a few years back. The thing is, I am absoultely sure that she is the one. I probably couldn't really complain about our sexlife either. Well, it is not that important for her as it is for me, but she tries to accomodate my demands (nothing that you coulnd't see in a standard AV).

Yet still, I guess you guys can understand that the drive to have sex with others is still taking me over sometimes ... actually quite often. I found that disturbing for a while. I catch myself all the time mentally undressing girl on the street, sometimes even when we are together, too often it distracts me from work even. It may be just too easy to be distracted in this city full of cute girls with dangerously short skirts.

For a while, I thought I am just not into here enough. I don't think so anymore though. For me, and I guess for many here certainly, sex and love are just not necessarily connected. Still this constant urge really bothers me.

Now I really want to avoid sliding into an affair sometimes. That is not what I am looking for at all. I am not looking for propping up self esteem, don't need feeling involved, don't need to prove myself anything.

So I thought going to a pro from time to time might even be a better choice, letting of some steam, and being able to focus on whom I want at other times.

Now, I guess what I really want to know here is: is that a realistic expectation? From your experience, is the sex drive getting less urgent better when you're with a pro once in a while? If that would work to some degree, and make me a better husband in the meanwhile. This might be some sort of solution, though not perfect in the moral realm we grew up with.

Maybe I am just looking for excuses, but thought this is the place where I could get the most honest replies ...

I think it's in our nature to want to have sex with as many partners as possible.  We are on top of the mammal kingdom at the end of the day.  Have you ever watched a documentary about an animal that had one partner for his whole life.  Never.  I wouldn't beat yourself up about this too much !!  It's the way we are built.  Yuo can think about it all you want but at the end of the day, our animal instincts take over.

Yes I am married and yes I visit alot of WG's.  Does that make me a bad person?  I still look after, take care, protect and love my wife ... but ultimately, I still need to look after my needs and wants.  I'd rather see a WG than get into another proper relationship with another women.  That my friend is cheating becasue you have broken the sacred pact youhave between you and your wife.  WG's is just sex and means nothing !!

I agree with that. A lot of married guys delude themselves into believing that they're not really doing anything wrong in visiting WGs. But it is wrong and they should be honest with themselves. But it's OK, not of us are saints and shouldn't expect to be. Everybody does bad things but, hopefully, we also do good things to try to balance things out. It's just part of being human. For us single guys - nothing immoral about visiting as many WGs as we want.

What about attachment? If you have a GF, does it mean that you are morally binded to have her as the one and only sex partner?

Actually, just to side track a little, what if one day u find out your partners visit 'WBs'? Frankly speaking, my ego will be hurt, but not neccessary emotionally..

I agree.. . About the nature of men and women, but I do not agree it can not be controled.  There are many reason a person will go to a WG,  and not all of them have gf or bf, or married.      I personally just like sexy women.  I would rather get some sexual
needs met for a price , then to pay thousands to some of the bad wives out there.

Do not let the SO know, at all costs!!

If you feel guilt and ponder about your personal morals, you should just quit mongering. All that baggage will just clam you up and you won't be able to cum! Those feelings defeat the point of using a WG...