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Good to know, though I'm not sure how much of it is in jest and how much should be taken seriously.
Best to put the actual article up, links aren't always forever.
SECRETS
How To Check If Your Husband Had Sex While He Was Out
84 comments by Fauna on Sunday, December 12, 2010
From KDS:
Husband has gone out socializing, how to inspect his JJ [penis] when he comes home
1. Smell its odor
Normally it should have the filthy offensive odor of not having been washed
If you smell semen or sexual liquids odor
or the pleasant odor of bathing products
then it’s up to you [to decide why]…
While I’m at it, the normal offensive odor should be primarily from the offensive odor of urine, slightly salty.
Semen and sexual liquids odor are slightly fishy odor.
Normally when you have the chance, smell [his penis] more, lick more, and slowly you will be more familiar with it.
2. Let it [the ejaculate] out and look at the color, white means he has ejaculated within the past 3 days, yellow means he hasn’t. (Some people say the color will change after time too, you can check yourself.)
3. Check if there is any condom or soap odor.
4. Question: There are tests and there are countermeasures. If you drink more liquids after doing the deed and urinate a few times, won’t you then have the stench of urine again?
Answer: There is a difference between fresh urine stench and the urine stench from a day without bathing…the key still lies with experience. Normally, one must carefully observe and learn from experience.
5. Feel the eggs [scrotum/testicles]. If they have elasticity, then he hasn’t ejaculated, but if they are soft and limp, then he has ejaculated [recently]. This someone else taught me.
6. Every morning, draw something on his JJ~ If at night there is a change in the design, then that means…
However, this is not necessarily accurate, [because] after he has done it, he can just draw it again himself.
7. Spit some saliva on his JJ, rub it, and see if there is any residue.
8. Then you might as well put a paper seal on his JJ, and check at night if the paper seal is intact, and also put a wax seal (very expert).
9. Let me provide one more method then. After bathing, apply some baby powder or talcum powder to your husband’s JJ so that if it has been washed later, you will definitely know what happened.
10.
1. Draw a firecracker on his JJ and if it is broken when he comes back at night, then there is a problem.
2. When he comes home, do it with him again and if the time is longer normal and the amount he ejaculates is less than normal, then there is a problem.
3. If he went to a sauna, smell his JB‘s odor. If it is different from the rest of his body’s odor, there is a problem. Normally, the prostitute uses tissue to wipe the JB and PY [屁眼, pi yan, butthole]. A wet/moist paper towel’s odor is different from soap; some men will not bathe to avoid suspicion, but a wet/moist paper towel will necessarily be used. If after doing it he uses soap to bathe again, most men will not wash their JB and PY [屁眼, pi yan, butthole] with soap a second time, unless they are pros like me.
4. If he went to a KTV, even simpler, just smell his JB odor and see if there is any JY left on his underwear. If it was done directly in the KTV, normally they will only use a paper towel to wipe iit, and what more, it is wiped beforehand, not afterward (they don’t even wipe after a handjob). So it is very likely that it wasn’t cleaned very well or that the JY that leaked [pre-cum] before doing it is still on the underwear. Unless the man first wore a maxi-pad.
5. Check his knees, whether or not they are red, or if there are any red marks on the inside of his shoulders…(no detailed explanation necessary)
11. Please pay attention to how the balls [testicles] change when doing it, it changes relative to the JB. When the JB is hard/erect, the scrotum is taut. When the JB is soft/flaccid, the scrotum is relaxed. However, when doing it a second time, even though the JB is hard/erect, the scrotum will not yet have recovered to its taut condition, the duration will be longer than the first time, although it will still become taught when he ejaculates. Afterward, it will drop down again~~~
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