Okay, this is a pet peeve of mine...

Why do Chinese women in general think they are not beautiful?  I hear this from almost all of them.  Or at least the WG.

On the one hand, I know that WG tend to come from messed up backgrounds (sometimes just really poor), so their self-image can be out of whack.  But on the other hand, their whole job is based on getting picked for their beauty (at least initially).  So if you are getting it on with them, wouldn't it be obvious that you find them attractive?

I just got done with one of the most beautiful WG (body wise) that I've ever had, and she spent much of the night saying her breasts were too small (a good C cup) and her stomach was too fat (see the pics in my recent China report).  Now do they think this behavior is cute?  Or is it a cultural thing that I can't understand?  Or do they just want endless reassurements?  This particular girl spent plenty of time in front of the mirror doing sexy poses, much to my delight.  So obviously she wasn't too ashamed of her body.

I wouldn't generalize this to all Asian women either.  It seems Chinese and Japanese are the worst.  And once they get a little age on them they seem to get over it.

Any insight would be appreciated before I tell my next girl "yeah, you're right..."

A few ideas. Maybe they are fishing for compliments? Maybe they don't feel beautiful after whoringthemselves (ugly inside therefore ugly outside), maybe they, in their cullture, are considered to be not that attractive, and maybe because it is quite cute and nice as opposed to the girls who are hot and tell you about it before being shit in bed.

You're not married are you ?  you need much more experience with women - of any nationality !
and you also need more experience with eastern culture as well !

i agree with both bros here...all the girls ive dated, of most races, and most wgs are like this.

Its their way of getting reassurances, im sure alot of them know they are pretty but still want you to say it, not enough for us just to know. Alot of women are insecure.

But i do think in oriental culture it may be more prevalent, as its a sign of politeness and humbleness. Its like when my parent's friends see me they will always say "your sons really handsome" but deep inside they dont, otherwise i'd be screwing all their daughters!

Also, i think it's a natural reaction when someone says something nice, or in cantonese when someone says thanks (i.e. m goy, or doh je), then invariably the other person will say 'no need' (m say)

But also i agree it's fishing for compliments too. Let's face it, with so many pretty girls, and some stunning ones in Hk, girls will get insecure fairly easily.

Thats asian culture for you - HUMILITY, its that simple.

Traditional Chinese culture teaches you not to show off or have a big ego.

think this topic was touched on in another thread.  Many girls I've known don't think of themselves as beautiful. Someone its insecurity, sometimes its not.  As they say, you are your worst own enemy.  In my mind its always relative to see how one stack up to have a title of beautiful, smart, athletic, handsome, etc.

reasons for this:

1) insecurity
2) humility
3) fishing for compliments (it's in a woman's nature. e.g. how many times have you heard a woman in perfectly good shape say she's fat?)

this kind of behavior also doesn't just apply to Asian women.

I know that this is a common trait among most women, but maybe its that Asian women seem to be more determined to disagree.  In the states, I would say most women in the US fish for the compliments and then seem to enjoy them.  In China, they never seem to relax about it.

The #1 reason I see is traditional Confucian values,

You're not supposed to show any sort of self-confidence, and it is a mark of success to get (or entice or manipulate) others to give you compliments.  

Doesn't just happen with women, parents are the same about their children - you can praise them as much as you like, and you'll see the glint in their eyes but they'll be trashing them as fast as you praise them.  

That's primarily a cultural thing, you don't see anything like as much in typical European or US cultures.  

All that AND the built-in feminine insecurity that has them preening in every reflective surface they pass ... it's genuine ... they REALLY DO think they are ugly, bless their silk stockings, which is why they invest so much time money and energy in trying to compensate for it.  

The outside is the mirror reflection of the inside.

PS the appropriate response is (usually) to agree with them.  If you jump in and explain "no no you look wonderful to me" you
  a) invalidate her self-perception, she feels misunderstood
  b) betray your own lack of self-confidence, acting like a wuss  
  c) sound just exactly like every other guy who has ever tried to get into her pants, triggering her defenses

Instead say "wow, yes, your belly is huge - how ever do you hide it??" you
  a) show self-confidence
  b) validate her self-perception
  c) stand out from the crowd

Try it

and REPORT BACK

[ Last edited by  DArtagnan at 6-8-2010 09:35 ]

I've personally tried both your methods with gf's, especially when I'm sick of them constantly asking for re-assurances.

The second way, IMO, definitely doesn't work and depending on the strength of the recipient, there could be some heavy punishment involved!!

But I wish I had your 3 reasons to rationalise to them what I was thinking, but then again, women are'nt rational!

Some people find it difficult to accept a compliment, even moreso when it relates to something so personal as your body/image.

I'm not sure I have noticed any real difference between Asian and non-Asain girls - they all seem to be the same to me! All women needs reassurance (Does my bum look big in these?) and perhaps WG's with their background need more than most.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.....

that could be your problem

as you say women are not rational - they  don't respond to the words or the logic - instead they respond to the FEELING and the INTENTION

You need to deliver the critical comment with the intention of making HER feel different.  Also it has to be very closely matched to her own comment, not adding a level of your own criticism, just agreeing with her as if it doesn't matter one way or another.  

Just my views ... still working on the Thesis!

Look forward to reading it!

I'm not very good at picking the right words to use or the right moment to say things, and end up digging a massive hole for myself!

Same with hot women in California. The super model look types always think they're issues with their bodies, while the short, fat and ugly walk around with their butt and belly hanging acting like divas. Which is why the 9 and 10s in Los Angeles are sometimes the easiest to get. Their low self esteem and the fact that most men don't have enough confidence to take a shot.

I completely agree with this.  People are always saying I am dating above my class, but have they ever tried showing a real interest in the hot women?  Or even talking to them?  A lot of hot women I have talked to in the states about this say they do not get approached in bars, and if they do, it's with the rudest comments.  I find that if you completely ignore their looks while talking to them they will stay with you.

That being said, I have been trained to believe that agreeing with a woman that her chest is too small or her stomach is too big usually ends badly.  Especially since I am not a prime specimen myself.

I would have to disagree. I find that approach #2 will usually get you in some trouble. I find that it's best to not put them on a pedestal, but to also dismiss their concerns about their appearance as a product of their own insecurity.

and that my friend is precisely the problem a lot of men face!!!

What we have been trained to do (usually by mums, girlfriends, and sisters) is sometimes 180 degrees away from what actually works ...

Don't do what a woman tells you she wants from you
Instead do what you FIND SHE RESPONDS TO

If - based on experience - you're expecting to crash and burn anyway you've got nothing to lose from taking a the opposite tack.