These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got
boiled down to 4-letter words, not to mention waving middle fingers.


The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one."
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."- John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." Jack E. Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford (one flash & it's gone. ha)

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

Love all the leverness of the word.  You forgot one that I really like and I think it was from Groucho Marx;  "I wouldn't join any club that would have me as a member"

great quote

Have you read "Hello I must be going"?  Great bio of Groucho.

Other classic Groucho'isms (loosely remembered):
"why do you want to defend her honour, she never did"

Mrs Claypool in Night at the Opera was telling Grouch she was a widow ......... "so suicide was it?"  NO he died in my arms,  "then it was murder!".

hey Froddo, yep, have read Groucho's bio....I love reading biographies.  He was [apart from being immensly funny] a very smart bloke.  He had a very dry sense of humor that you either loved or didn't get!

Great stuff man!...I enjoyed all the wordings and thought levels of each quote

one of my fave funny quote is -

behind every successful man, theres a woman.

and behind that woman, is his wife

this quote descibes most bros here well..

[ Last edited by  simplytheguest at 16-12-2008 11:02 ]

   thats a good one STG.  I've not heard that before.  Cheers.

Very funny but you missed out of the most famous quotes from Winston Churchill.

A woman said ... "Mr Churchill; you're drunk!" to which Churchill replied ... "yes madam and you are ugly
but in the morning, I will be sober".

this is not the end, this is not even the beginning of the end, but it is perhaps the end of the beginning!

another by winston churchil, which i quite like.

Ha ha!
Well, here's another one:

Behind every great man is a great woman.
Behind every great woman is a great behind.