xiao38

thanks for sharing your issues with us...if you really need to bring her back to US pls avoid marrying her...I am not sure if you can arrange for her to have a work permit of sort..love between two parties need not necessary be formalised via marrriage...this is how i answer my part time GF which is also a ex WG when she brings up marriage and kids...and by the way i nearly also rented her a place and pay her living expenses but due to a spat she left HK and stayed in SZ.

my take on this is trust your gut feeling on this and go for it but do have on your back on mind how to extinguish the love / lust flame if it ever turn into an inferno...last but not least why restrict to one chick that is 23-25 yo now when you can keep having fresh nubile chicks while you continue to mature gracefully...somehow in my mongering experience the girls I had sort of stay at the 20-25 time band while i aged and the gap becomes bigger and bigger...hehehe...I know its a completely different experience to have a gf and the love making is natural and passionate...I cannot deny that versus fucking a 141 chick.

All the best buddy!

Do you have to go back to the states?

Is it really that important?  I think you need to listen to yourself - you're in your 40's right??

We can't judge what you do. your relationship is more complex than that and a lot goes on behind closed doors that we're not privy too.

Life goes on no matter what you do. If you stay here, life will adjust, if oyu go back to the States so you'll adjust as well.

What do you want and what will make you happy?

First manhands -- good point.  I had thought about turning down my company and then staying here.  Unfortunately that means I will leave a compensation package that will help me pay for the kids' college tuition -- huge.  Furthermore, I had told my mom I would go back to the US to take care of her and she is quite set in her routines now so she would not move.  At her age, she has earned the right to stay put.  That said, I am looking for ways to stay still but in this economic times, this is not so easy.

hooters666 -- your post draws out a thought in me.  My GF, who is 21, actually is rather inexperienced when it comes to sex, outside of the stuff they teach in 141 university.  In fact, that stuff interferes with their developing a sense of enjoyment for sex.  For me, it was special exploring new things with her, bringing her along the way.  In the end passion has to be there for true enjoyment and watching her, I really don't think she could have faked her feelings all through those times.

Marcus mentioned a point about kids.  That is going to be a hard one.  I am relatively fit for my age and I know there are people who have / had kids late in life.  They invariably are richer than me and at least the kids are set with assisted care but maybe not necessarily all the fatherly love they need.  I also worry about the quality of mothering my GF would provide, particularly if we end up have daughter(s).

Kids! You haven't asked whether you ae OK having kids with her...if you aren't you should not marry her....she will want them even if she doesn't press for them now.
On the other hand, the kid thing will provide a big bond between you two....though it could interfere with the hot steamy sex!

Remember, you know her past, and she also knows your past a mongerer. If things cool down between you, she will also have it in the back of your mind that you are going elsewhere for pussy.  

I think it's cool what you have done, but urge you to be very very careful about the next step, which frankly is a no lose situation for her, but fraught with all kinds of danger for you.  On the other hand, if it is true love it could work out great for you. Especially if you don't act like she owes you anything, and never bring up her past, in her heart she will be grateful to you and that will good for your relationship over the years

Nonsense.
As man ages, his sexual desire and function will go down. He may even need tons of viagra to lift his penis. Feeding a young and ever hungry pussy will be a tremendous task for an aging penis.
He would be lucky if his woman who is young enough to be his daughter does not seek a competent penis elsewhere.

I agree with thickskin's quote "Know thyself, be thyself!"

Just ask yourself 2 questions: Can I get a girl as good as her the normal way? Will a normal girl as good as her love me for who I am?
If your honest answer to both questions are yes, then why do you opt for an ex-WG than a normal girl?

As for the age gap you are so concerned about, some girls (not many) do love older men due to the so-called electra complex. If this is true for her, then be a good "father" to her.

We have talked over the kids and age gap topics.  For myself, I actually do not mind having another kid and she knows she will have to do the heavy lifting in raising the kid and as long as I live long enough to see the kid go to college I am OK.  I do agree that she (and her family) expects one.

I have had some good encounters with women in the 30's and 40's and I am fairly confident I can find someone if I want.  This thing with my GF just came out of the blue and surprised me.  I really was not looking for someone her age but it was magical till now.

I did a bit of digging.  There are some well known couples with large age gaps and they seem relatively happy, even in the sex department.  Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones--he is known for his libido and she is just hot in most everyone's book; Celine Dion and her 60 something husband -- their kid is by invitro fertilization;  George Solti (ex musical director of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra) at over 70 had a kid with his much younger wife.  Sun Yat Sun (leader of the first post monarchy China) married someone almost thirty years younger.  I guess in the end I will have to decide if I am secure enough about how us.  I can keep up with her sexually now, but who knows in 10 or 15 years and by then we have to be well rooted emotionally.

The examples you cite are all celebrities. I can also give you 3 more examples:

1, Hugh Hefner, Playboy boss, has had too many "daughters" and "granddaughters" to mention.
2, Anna Nicole Smith, Playmate of 1992, married an 89-yr-old oil tycoon at age of 27.
3, a Chinese American Nobel prize winner, who at his age of 82, married a 28-yr-old Chinese girl.

Celebrities live a very different life from most us ordinary people. In real life you don't see many “father-daughter” or “grandfather-granddaughter” relationships.

Xiao,

  I.M me if you want.. would definitely like to have a word with you if you dont mind.

rupert Murdoch with a chinese 2nd wife

Dude, maybe you need some tough love and perhaps a wake-up call. Maybe I've missed something in this thread, but it seems to me you would be best off cooling things a little, going to America like your company is telling you to and see what happens. Stay in touch, of course, but don't bring her with you in this first round. Being away from each other for a while will be the true test.
By the way all the examples you have used to convince yourself are not only celebs, but RICH.
That's a whole different paradigm. Just off the plane from from Hanoi to Guangzhou. Will try to catch up on the thread when I'm in HK tomorrow. It seems to me there are parts of this in another section, no?

dont do it!!  she is 20 now...will be 40 soon.

if you want her b/c of her age...as matthew mcconaughey said in dazed and confused about high school girls, "no matter how hold we get...they just stay the same."  apply this to wg's, don't get hooked up w/ one in a relationship...as one gets older, just move to another.

i think many bros already dissected the pros and cons of this situation...cons being most...so make the right choice!

Everything said here makes plenty of sense but once reality kicks in, everything changes.  Let's put WG's aside and talk about mistresses and people who leave their wives for their mistresses.  It's so much easier to "love" someone when you don't have to talk about the mortgage, electric bills, taxes, etc... together.  Living "together" means a lot more than what you have now.  I understand that she makes you feel ALIVE, but that fades too.  Chances are against you bigtime, I will throw up an unscientific number lets say 1 in 10000, will you take those odds?  Personally, from an outsider's point of view... if it were me, I would just figure out a way NOT to marry and just live with her in China to see how it goes.

I personally have two friends who left their families to live in China with their new young and improved wives in China.  These guys are from Hong Kong but both regret leaving their families after living in reality with their new wives for a certain amount of time.  One begged his family to take him back, which they did but she has him by the balls now, the other one wishes his family would take him back after she tapped him out and left him.

Not saying that anything bad will happen to you, but if you are asking, I'm answering... from a fellow American...  I wouldn't take that chance, not in a million years.  Hell you could find 20ish pussy here in NYC (where i'm from) who are digging the late 40's dudes for stability and security without marriage.

There was another thread started by another brother earlier.  Maybe that is the one you are thinking of, Siklong69.  Everyone's point about my examples of old man young woman being celebrities is good and probably the better point is that I am using those examples to convince myself.  I like the suggestion of taking a break and seeing how things develop with the distance.

If you have kids "going to college" soon, you're in for a rude awakening since college is expense in itself.

Even if your kids are self-sufficient and willing to pay his/her own way through college, they'd resent the fact that their new mom is close to
their age and getting better treatment.

Your ex-wife will drive shit into your mind.

Your "traditional Chinese mother" will sabotage every little thing you do.

Your new wife, gf, will get a taste of American Dreams and want a 3rd hand Honda, then a new Toyota, then a sporty coupe, then etc.

TV will ruin her figure.  Nice skinny, sexy body for WG will become flabby, lazy, bitchy, couch potato.

Life Goes On.

Enjoy your "situation" as it's unique in China.  Bring her to the States and under another situation and all bets are off.  Come on, you know the States by now.  Do your kids siphon money from your wallet?  Do your kids rebel and not treat you with respect?  Do you understand thatshe's gonna turn out to be the WORST of your kids?

If his kid is a boy, and finds out his new mom is about his age and so beautiful and sexy, who knows what chemistry may develop between these two kids?  (for example: the only female emperor in Chinese history is the result of a son inheriting his father's concubine)

If his kid is a girl, and finds out her new mom is about her age and so beautiful and sexy, who knows how catty these two girls would become (as they two may compete for his love/property/etc) ?

[ Last edited by  nakedape at 17-5-2009 20:34 ]

The other posters may have to call you "uncle", but I can call you "son, or kid, or youngster".  I'm 67, and I had posted on the other thread of a similar title.  The question you want to ask yourself is not "do I want a life with her?" but "can I have a life without her?"

If your gut answer to the second question is a resounding "NO", then you just go for it, and let the chips fall where they may and you deal with the issues and problems as they come up -- your current kids, babies, physical and emotional needs, your and her family, material things, etc etc.  Try to picture what life would be like 5 and 10 years out with her and without her, and then do today what your gut tells you.  You are the only one who can influence what happens to you in the future; everything others say or do is pure speculation.

the WSG post is a horror story.  But women marrying foreign men run a big risk as well.  I took in a Chinese woman after she left her abusive Canadian husband who then made a bogus claim that she abused him.  I met her friend who was in the middle of a legal case because the neighbor called the police on her husband for abusing her.  My friend also introduced me to a recent Chinese immigrant who is in an mentally abusive relationship and considering moving back to China to get away from him.

What I am saying is  that any relationship you get into has some risk.  My Canadian ex-wife drove me to bankruptcy.  How is this different from an foreign woman?  It's not.

Take the post by thickskin as anecdotal.  From my experience, foreign women coming here are facing huge concerns with a new country, societal differences, and threats of abuse.  But....they can also find love.

The most important thing for the both of you is....will you love her....but more importantly....will you respect her.

I also wonder if part of what you are feeling is a desire to "rescue" her from her awful life?  I tend to feel that.  Men want to rescue women.  I am a bit of a bleeding heart.  But after a while...that feeling fades a bit.  And if this is the case for you, what are you going to feel after she is in the US and living a normal life.  she will not need rescuing anymore.  What is left is a feeling of respect.  Will you have that for her?

Bad situation you got yourself into.  Lets hope everything works out for you and keep us updated bro!

of all the posts I have read, this one has been sticking in my mind the most.   I actually discussed it with a friend yesterday.  He tended to agree with what I wrote, but I still think there is a lot to consider.  Maybe because I am about to get married to a Chinese woman.

There is this amazingly beautiful black wg close to my home, and I ahve been playing a visit with her.  And I ahve been imagining how it would be if I fell in love with her.  for me, in all honesty, I do not think I could get over the fact she is a wg.  And ya know what...I feel like a shit for being that way.  Maybe I am selfish or small minded.  maybe I fear I could not respect her.  But like my friend said, I don't think I could trust her.  Maybe she is in a situation where she needs cash for back home (parents have a operation etc.) it could be easy for her to place an ad on craigslist and make a few hunder or thousand bucks.  How would you know?  How could you trust her?  maybe that's where the fear lies.  And it's a shame.  from what you have said, she seems like a nice girl and deserving of love and affection and a happy life like we all want.

For her sake....I hope you get over this....unlike myself.  But I hope she will be happy.  I hope you can give it to her.  Most men would never and are more like my selfish self.