Yeah - I had a couple affairs - and they all ended poorly. Not in a major disaster, but in the end, I was unhappy I was in them. Some thoughts I have about them now:
1) Damn, affairs quickly become a lot like work. I remember at one point I was at the OWs (Other Womans) house, and for whatever reason, I didn't get laid... and I thought "fuck, if I wanted to spend all night listening to someone and not getting fucked, I can do THAT at home!" It's not that long before all of the baggage you have in your home life comes to call i your affair - and now you're just doubling down on the same problem you had before.
2) Affairs have emotions. And those are dangerous. Emotional people do stupid things. And even in the best of circumstances, you're now dealing with someone who has feelings for you - and who you have real feelings fopr - but you're married. And well, now you have to deal with that. And the guilt and bullshit for both sides of that are shitty.
3) NEVER have an affair w/a single woman. It does not matter WHAT she does or says, it is either gonna end with her wanting you to leave your current situation, or her moving on to someone who IS willing to leave their current situation and make an honest woman of them. No single woman wants to stay a mistress forever. In a best case, you're just keeping the bed warm for the dude who will replace you. Worst case, she is going to get weird as fuck and try to change things.
4) If you get busted, there is no "it meant nothing - just sex" - because thats a lie she wont believe. At least with a WG, there is some level of plausable deniability because you CAN say it was just sex.
In the end, I have pretty much given up on affairs. I've got a SO for everything but the excess sex I need - and the most straightforward, trouble free way of filling that last remaining need is just to go pay for it. It's a bit sad, I guess - nobody wants to say they pay for sex - but... thats the most reasonable, simple solution I've come up with. I try to do it safely, and treat the WGs with respect... and I have been pretty OK so far.
But if I get caught - I have no idea... maybe I'll look back on this whole thing as a risk I didn't need to take. But if I didn't, and had to just live with the pent up sexual frustration... maybe that is a risk, too? As horrible as it sounds, my marriage has improved since I started mongering. I'm more relaxed, and I don't have the resentment I used to have about not getting satisfied. I'm sure she will never understand - but thats something I can live with as long as I can keep the whole thing secret.
We should start a thread (with a 30RA) to share our tips and secrets for keeping our mongering from prying eyes of SO. The RA is to keep away lurking SOs...