Bros, I've been out for a while...it's simpleneeds.

I asked the Mods to cancel my original account because my wife caught me fucking around and I'm being threatened with divorce...

Anyways, I'll spare the details, other than the fact that I need to limit my time.

Haven't had any great punts lately...although I met up with Angel (in TST) for some quick lovin...  Was awesome, but tough to enjoy considering I was too nervous about not being at home or the office.  

It's been 1 month since I got caught and life has been sheer hell.  I would not wish this to happen to my sworn enemies.

This is a scary time for me, to say the least.  

To all the Bros with an SO...please please please...protect yourself by not getting too cocky with photos, text messages, phone call logs...  ALWAYS use the stealth/private browsing function.  Probably all common sense, but I've only been married for 7 months and shit...I got lazy about my "other life."  

Gents, you'll hear from me once in a while...but probably not until I sort things out.  

Until then... over and out..

- Simpleneeds

[ Last edited by  simple_needs at 16-8-2012 21:04 ]

good to hear from u. many enjoyed your thoughtful posts about WG-psychology in Korea, and i was among them.

sorry to hear about domestic difficulties. it's good to remember that we all leave a trail on our digital devices. texts, browsers, photos, cookies...so many ways to leave a trace. i'm hoping other bros will contribute their strategies for keeping what's private...PRIVATE.

play it safe out there guys. "forensics" used to mean physical-evidence only--now our digital traces can be uncovered by computer forensics. whatever your situation is, take appropriate measures.

and let's hope simple_needs 2.0 has a soft landing, whether he reports again or not. regardless, he's been an asset to this forum IMHO.

JtB

so for the sake of helping others... how did you get caught?   browser history?

On this forum, your news is as tragic as it gets.  Many, many, many of us have SOs and this is a constant worry.  Forgetting something on your PC or phone, being seen in the wrong place (or with the wrong person), making a statement that contradicts something you said earlier.  You really need to be super vigilant at all times to play this hobby for any length of time without getting caught.  

Bro, can you tell us how it happened in your case?  Would be useful for the rest of us.

Good luck, Bro.  I hope you can get back to a good place with your SO.

Once you get caught once, THAT'S IT! LOL... you lose that trust and you'll never get it back 100%.  I have a very strong feeling that this was not a case of a WG, it's very rare we get caught mongering, it's not so rare to have a GF on the side and slip up due to psychological issues.  It's very easy to slip when you're not cold blooded like I am, I've had friends lose out this way.

Bro, I am one of those unlucky ones who was caught fucking around (not once but 3 times) and lucky enough to survive all of them and still with my SO.

The last one was the worst of all and I can feel your pain! I wish you luck and hope you will ride out this "hell" sooner than later.

The current technology of smart phones could create a lot of troubles for punters. Be awared that the whatapps message is bascially saved in the server, so the messages can be retrieved when you install it in another phone.

The locational service can also be another problem. Think twice before you share anything!! Don't disclose your location when you're in some "famous" building like SKM / Fuji...

Bros, couple of issues that I'm gonna lay out on the table.  

1.  My wife lives in Seoul, and I live in HK.  We've been living apart for around 20 months, but see each other for a few days a month
2.  My wife comes to HK in late July to visit.  It's an extended 5 day trip (Fri - Wed)
3.  It's Sunday afternoon and I decide to go to Chacotaco (great L.A. style mexican food by the way) and smoke some weed with some friends
4.  Wife and I are supposed to meet at IFC to go shopping at 4pm for a new wallet that she wants
5.  I call her at 3pm to ask if she is ready.
6.  She say:  "Come home" in "that voice..."  the voice where you know you're fucked for something...
7.  I go home and she instructs me to sit on the floor (she is on the couch)
8.  She busts out my Korean iPhone, which I had disconnected 2 weeks earlier, and shows me the photos of a naked chick from Rio.
9.  I lie.  "Oh, KTV in Macau.  Was with white guys from NY who were on biz trip.  Those guys were messing around and took photos on my phone"
10.  She says:  "Okay, give me the phone number and email address so I can check.  
11.  I'm not about to ruin another person's life...so after 3 more lies, I finally give in and say I went to Rio, by myself, after a stressful weekend, and get a message at Rio, but didn't do anything!
12.  She kicks me out of the house and says she is going back to Korea.
13.  I end up at a friend's house and he convinces me to go back to the house and ask for forgiveness.  I go back home.
14.  My wife let's me in, but suddenly gets the urge to check out the facility (i.e. Rio Sauna) because she wants to confront the girl.
15.  I don't argue, so head to Macau Ferry at 11:20pm.
16.  We are ready to board the Ferry at 11:45pm, but she suddenly changes her mind and wants to go home.
17.  Since we never left HK, but went through immigration, we have a lengthy process of getting back in (even though we have HK ID cards)
18.  While we're waiting (behind regular immigration, so there were 100+ people standing around waiting leave HK), she starts going off on me again.
19.  I talk back to her and she gives me two right hooks and slap.  The people watching are in shock, and a police man comes over to settle things and asks if I want to press charges.  I say "No," and they expedite our immigration process to get us the hell out of there.
20.  We take separate taxis.  She goes home, I go to a friend's house.
21.  She is gone the next day.

Since then, she has been adament about divorce.  Granted I've been a pretty removed husband (doesn't help we live in different countries), but I can't figure out why she has done this 180 on me, threatening me with divorce, saying she doesn't love me anymore, and refusing to try.  On top of that, the focus of our discussions, which are usually when she is drinking, always turns to: "how much settlement are you going to pay me?"

Anyways, 3 weeks later (last weekend), I go to Seoul.  She still hates my guts and is demanding all the cash in her Korea and HK accounts, US$100k diamond ring/earrings/necklace I gave her, US$100k for a downpayment on an apartment in Seoul, and US$4,000/mth for 2 years.  It could have been worse...so I tell her I will consider if she is willing to try and work things out...JUST TRY...  Nope, she says she has thought about it long enough, will hate me forever, then gives me the ultimatum:

"You either divorce me, or I kill myself.  You choose."  

Fuck...  I'm stuck.  So now its going on week 4, she is pushing me to arrange divorce papers (because we got married in the US).   

Now as I try and figure out why the hell one can do a 180 like that to her husband, I was thinking about what the fuck I did to prompt all this, because a message with a WG is not enough reason to go ape-shit on someone.  As I've been thinking for several days now, I was a very removed husband for the past 20 months.  I'm pretty convinced that she was not feeling loved.  

As I've always promoted myself, I am a lazy fucker outside of the office, and I'm definitely  not romantic.  I took short cuts on my proposal, I never bought her an engagement ring, we had our wedding at my parents house, I never had any pictures of her in my house, and we hadn't had sex with each other for over 1 year.

Now...me being me...all this does not add up if one looks at my regular personality.  I'm a very giving person, so I treat the people I care about with utmost care.  The fact that I took all these corners makes me question myself as to whether or not I truly wanted to marry her. Don't get me wrong, I loved my wife, but loving someone isn't enough to want to marry her.  Like my mom said: "Well...you love your sister too, right?  But that doesn't mean you want to marry her, right?"

I really miss my wife right now, but I need to do some more soul searching....

As for punting, I'm not really in the mood for rebound these days.  Fuck...I haven't had a boner for a few weeks now (although Angel in TST helped out with that.. )

Anyways, just thought I'd give the quick and dirty.  It's obviously a lot more emotional than that.

I guess Key Takeaways are:

1.  Scrub your mobile devices like you would scrub your ass after diahhrea.  Did you know that your iPhone can track where in the world you took any photo from your iPhone?  Well...I didn't either, but my wife sure knew that function pretty damn well.

2.  Did you know that your iPhone keeps a history of when the photo was taken, and from which phone the photo was taken?  I didn't either...but my wife knew.

3.  Did you know that your iPhone keeps a history of all your mobile web-browsing?  I didn't, so she found out about my account on this forum (which explains why I had to beg the PMs to close it).  THank goodness her English is bad...but the pink banners and section titles helped her understand exactly what this forum is...

Well, as you can see, I don't know how to use an iPhone very well.  I've had it for 2 years, I don't have a single App on it, and I've never used any other function other than web browsing and phone calls.  

Don't really feel like getting too much deeper into the details.  Its most psychological stuff...Korean culture stuff...stuff that just gives me a headache right now.

Sorry for the long post, but that's the story in a nutshell.

Simpleneeds

Again...sorry to hear about your plight mate.
But that being said, I'm not surprised at her reaction. Before all else....hell knows no wrath like a woman scorned. We've all heard that before. It's one thing to THINK that someone's cheating on you....it's another to find evidence of it.

And.....sorry...i really don't want to speak ill of anyone, but if you say you've not really been there as a husband....short cuts...no sex...etc etc.....maybe this was the "out" that she was looking for....

You have my sympathies man. But if you value your relationship with her.....beg...grovel....plead....and repeat. Good luck.

~UD

Terrible story to hear, and as simple_needs says, a warning to all bros to be careful about their posting and picture taking habits. Unfortunately, I expect if my SO found out, her reaction would be a lot more violent, so I always take as many precautions as I can.

Hopefully she comes around, it sounds like she's only seen the tip of the iceberg, so hopefully with what she knows, she'll make the decision to reconcile.

Christ! Don't we have a FAQ about this kind of thing somewhere? I just assumed everyone knew this stuff but I suppose there's really no reason why someone would.

I have passwords on all my devices. If the SO wants to use a computer then she has her own damn account and I log out of mine. She also has many of her own computers of course so number 1 option is to ask her to use her own. Just tell her it feels natural because that's how its always been done at work for the last number of years. And still do all the cleanup shit that bro simple_needs mentions. Let her use your account enough that she is not suspicious, but never when you are not around. She'll have her own account so there will really be no need.

2 more takeaways:

1. Dump the Iphone. Use Samsung. You're Korean, for seoul's sake!

2. Never get a korean SO? I mean, yeah, they're hot and everything but you know what they say, hell has no fury like a Korean woman scorned...

Best of lick! I mean, luck!

ps. And where's that pic of that naked rio girl? I don't recall u putting it up here

[ Last edited by  JckJr at 22-8-2012 19:06 ]

Sorry to hear your sad tale.

But to be frank.., based on what you wrote (which I concede may not be the whole story) it doesnt really sound like you WANT her as your wife anyway.  Perhaps cultural/family norms and expectations are pushing you to try to make things work no-matter-what, but it doesnt sound like your heart is in it.  Again, I am merely "thinking out loud" based on your single post on the topic... but Bro.., read what you wrote again.

One thing that DOES surprise me is YOUR surprise about her reaction...  you got caught cheating!  You admitted to going to a brothel (RIO) and have naked pics of a gal from there.  Bro.., 99.8% of women would lose their frickn minds.  Your wife's reaction is expected.

Anyway... apologizes if I come off harshly..., I sympathize with your situation and know it must be hell.  Just throwing out some observations regarding your post that may make you think about things from a different perspective.

Good luck, Bro.

Really sorry to hear all this happening to you but to answer your question about what might be happening... Just my two cents and you can totally disagree with me cuz it iis purely an assumption but perhaps she has also been out while she is in Korea and u're in hk... perhaps she is just taking this opportunity to take u for some large sums of money and to be with another man... I don't presume to know her or you nor would I presume to know your relationship but I'm also in a long long distance relationship and I too only get to see my SO (not married but fiancée) 3-4 days a month... I caught her messing around 5 months ago... until that point I never would have went out punting myself but I guess out of spite I got started... regardless to say, I truly hope that isn't the case but keep trying, if you truly love her it is worth the effort and temporary agony...

Best of luck to you bro

A thought just popped into my mind.

If she learned of your original name and you had your old name and all related links removed, then why would you choose a new name that is so similar to the old one. Though her English may be bad, there is nothing to stop her from finding a friend whose English is very good.

All that person has to do is type 'Simple*' in the Username box of the Search function and ding, the person thread that pops up says, 'It's me...Simpleneeds...Been a while', the title of this thread. A high RA cannot hide the name of this thread in a search.

So I guess we will be seeing this thread disappear soon too.

On your next life, use your big head and pick a better name.


edited: correct typo

[ Last edited by  doghead at 24-8-2012 03:01 ]

C'mon dude, you can't seriously be asking for sympathy here.  I see WGs behind my gf's (and ex-girlfriends') back and I know full well that every time I do so I'm an asshole. If a time ever comes where I get caught then I'll admit to it 100%.  I know that I'm playing with fire and I take full responsibility for my own actions.  No one ever held a gun to my head and demanded that I go put my stiff cock in a WG's sweet pussy.  This is the path I choose each time.

You can't honestly say that you don't understand where your wife is coming from. You betrayed her trust. Again, this is the chance us guys who have SOs take each and every time we go see a WG and you got caught. And then you even tried to lie about it by pinning the blame on an anonymous friend.  Think about it from your wife's perspective. You've been lying about something pretty huge so what's there to stop you from lying to her again in the future?  She doesn't trust you and in a relationship -- any relationship -- trust is the most important thing. Trust is difficult to earn and once lost may never be had again.  Your wife wanted to go to Macau and confront the WG because she initially blamed the WG for the problem. But at the ferry terminal she understood that it was actually you who was the active one in creating this situation.

I hope you two work it out, but you have to be honest with yourself about the situation. You can't blame your wife for anything.  If you found out that your wife had cheated on you with a young stud who is everything that you're not then how would you feel?  The demands for cash and jewelery is her wanting to punish you for betraying her.  She doesn't really care about the money, she just wants you to suffer as much as possible like how you made her suffer.

You also recognize that you weren't a great husband by not being there with her. Did you only realize this now or did you always know?  Either way that's really bad. If it's the former then it took a life altering situation for you to realize this meaning that you never thought about your wife.  If it's the latter then in all this time you never did anything to change the situation and now it's too late.

Sorry, but the truth hurts.


Side observations:
- Unlike one of the posters above, I don't believe that your wife ever cheated on you or is looking to take all your money (other than for revenge). The fact that your wife wanted to confront the WG in Macau is a classic example of a person trying to put the blame on the other party because your wife until then still had a bit of trust in you. If your wife had anything to hide herself she wouldn't have gone that far.
- Your excuse for having naked pics on your phone was dumb. In this age even 14-year-old kids have cell phones. Why would someone else use your phone to take naked photos of girls at a sauna?  Usually when a person takes naked photos they want to keep it for themselves. Have you ever been in a scenario where your friends asked to use your phone like that?
- The fact that your wife went through your iPhone's browsing history implies that she really didn't trust you anymore.
- Studies on divorce in America have shown that women purposely drag out divorce proceedings as long as possible in order to make the man suffer as much as possible. This extends the financial hardship on both parties (the only party that wins are the lawyers) due to lawyer and court fees. This falls in line with your wife wanting to get as much money from you as possible -- it's to make you suffer.

[ Last edited by  Freelancer at 23-8-2012 14:34 ]

Bro Simple_needs - you have my sympathies...

My 2 cents, No matter how careful I was using Incognito mode I was a bit careless and had left a browser open to the forum.  Close call s couple of times.  Remember to shut down after use.  If you did NOT remember to shut down then also be careful saving pics as the computer remembers the last directory used!!!  Anybody know how to change this aside from the obvious save an innocuous pic on the desktop?

sorry to hear buddy hope it works out.  

ive been staying single for 4 years and won't get into any relationship until i know i won't be tempted to hobby.  that is particularly tough because work requires me to be in HK a few times a year.  sigh.

Hey simple needs I really feel you. I recently pretty much got busted as well by my wife. I had to lie through my teeth and deny everything saying I was just kidding with my mate. With today's technology and gadgets getting ever more complex and connected, especially with the Cloud systems like apples iCloud, it's getting more difficult to keep track of what where and who you send your messages too. Basically I was boasting to a mate and sending him pictures of WGs that I was planning to bang over iMessage, and the conversation got duplicated across all my apple devices including a computer I share with my SO so she ended up seeing my whole conversation along with the pictures!!! Luckily the pics were not linkedto this site  it were amateur pics other bros took so I lied that they were part of my porn collection and I was just bullshitting with my friend. If she saw this site and what this was I would be truly fucked. At the moment I'm denying everything but she's suspicious now.

Bros, I appreciate all your comments.  I wasn't looking for sympathy (although I appreciate the empathy) - was seeking an avenue where I could vent and not be judged.  

All-in-all, I appreciate all your opinions and views.  Admittedly, after having time to think and seeing how all this has been handled by my SO, I realize that we are over.  

The worst part of this is feeling like I gave up.  She is hard-headed (from Daegu...) and has too strong of pride to ever confront me with how she was feeling about our relationship before all this happened.  The sad this is, I will never know if I should have said "sorry" just one more time to get her to turn around and try to forgive me.

Unfortunately, she is taking every route to make sure I suffer...no doubt about that.  She has friends call me to cuss me out, she calls me when she is drunk to threaten me with killing herself...in my view, she has crossed the line.  After having time to think, I realize that I cannot handle this anymore.  I never expected her to not be uncivilized about all this, but for the sake of her health (not doing something stupid), I've given in to all her demands.  

As per some of the posts by the Bros, I'm learning that I probably jumped into this marriage out of obligation rather than true love.  I think my SO realizes this as well, which I think makes her the most sad and angry...  

Anyways, I can't say that I'm doing well, but at least I am trying to look on the bright side.

Also, I know this forum isn't so much about getting advice, but I really do appreciate all the views and opinions.  Some of the views have actually re-inforced my own thoughts over the past month.  I didn't read a single meaningless post...so thanks.