3 soldiers were the only survivors after a hard fought battle. Their companions and enemies lie dead at their feet. Having no radio and no way to get home, they started trekking through the desert.

After 2 long days of the grueling desert, the soldiers were thirsty and hungry. On the third day, they arrive at a little house in the middle of that desert. They frantically bang on the door and after a while, an old lady in her 90s opened it. "We have been walking in the desert for 3 days now. We're very hungry and thirsty. Can you give us some food and water?", the soldier shouted. The old lady replied, "I will give you guys a magnificent feast; but on one condition. Each of you will have to have sex with me."

"No way, I'd rather die!" said the first soldier.  
"Thanks, but I might have to kill myself after fucking you.. so I'd rather stay out here and starve to death." said the second.
"I just got married with the woman I love more than anything in the world and I'm expecting a brand new baby next month.. I've got too much to live for.. so yes, I will have sex with you so long as you give me food and water!" exclaimed the John, the last solider.

So off he went into the little house. As soon as they got in, the old lady stripped herself naked. And what a horrendous sight it was. Her tits were drooping down to her knees, skin's all wrinkly, overweight, and there was some sort of puss coming from her vagina. "Now, we have sex!" demanded the old lady. John quickly told her that he doesn't have the energy cause he has not eaten in days nor had a drink of water. So the lady agreed and put out the largest feast John has ever seen. There was roasted turkey, fresh garden salads, prime rib, all sorts of wines, beers, and drinks, all types of dessert you can imagine. So John ate greedily and while doing so, he snuck two corn on the cobs with him.

Finally, when the feast was over, the old lady led him to her bedroom. John asks, "Do you mind if we turn off the lights, I'm not used to having sex with the lights on?". So she agreed and John, being the smart guy that he is, used the two corn on the cobs to penetrate the old lady. After about 30 minutes, the old lady was satisfied and was about to turn the lights on again. In a state of panic, John threw the two corns out the window. After exchanging a few goodbyes, John walked out of the house and was about to tell his two friends what happened. Before he can, they came running over to John and laughed at him, "Man, you idiot! You had to fuck that ugly old lady to get some food.. we just sat out here and ate two of the biggest and juiciest corn on the cobs with plenty of salted butter!"