A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible." "What do you mean?" said the pirate, I feel fine."

"What about the wooden Leg? You didn't have that before." "Well," said the Pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, a lost the leg, but I'm fine now."

The bartender replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?" The pirate explained, "We were in another battle.
I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight and my hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I'm fine, really."

"Well what about that eye patch?" "Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea and a flock of sea gulls flew over. I looked up, and one of them shit in my eye."

“Now I know you're kidding me," said the bartender. "You couldn't lose an eye just from bird shit." "It was my first day with the hook."