Dear members,

Well to cut the story short i'm becoming a father, i have a beautiful wife but sometimes the little devil lures me to the dark side, i was planning not to go for ML anymore just HJ and BJ will suffice....but last time i  somehow 'cross' the line, did a ML session. i didnt feel really great afterwards, guilty if you can say. Now i still have great time with my wife, but sexdrive is less since she is so fragile....I wanna know how many people in here are in the same situation i am not after advice since some friend of mine said "which cat doesn't like fish", just want to hear some thoughts see if im a real prick or not.

You'll get over it bro.

Keep up being a good husband, father, provider except for that one natural biological drive.

Time heals all wounds. The best is to keep things separate ( punting and family life ) Don't get them confused and you will be fine.

The root cause of your guilt is because you dont want to hurt your wife's feelings. That's natural and you will probably get over it as others suggest.

The only thing to be mindful of is the frequency of your punting. For example, if a husband punts once a month then he can probably keep up your sex life with your wife too. But if you are down to doing it twice a week or so, then for the average middle-aged husband, your stamina and sex drive may not be able to keep up to satisfying your wife. This is when problems could arise; wife may suspect something, be dissatisfied (complain, starting bitching etc), may cheat on you etc. So, my brother from another mother, my advice to you is to control the frequency of your punting and you will be fine.

It's natural to have these urges and as long as you don't start having an affair and falling for a WG or civi girl you would be OK. It's only sex, not love.

I don't get it - did you get your wife preggers or is your girlfriend expecting?

I assume based on the OP's statement that he's becoming a father and his wife being fragile at this time, that the answer is YES.

But the OP question of feeling guilty. No one can really give you the answer. What might be morally acceptable for someone else might not work for you and your situation.  However, the important thing as someone else said, is to keep the emotional side out of the mix when punting. The moment, you start getting mixing your emotions with a WG, this really becomes complicated and will likely end badly.

YES to WHAT?  



Wife? Girlfriend??

I'm guessing he means he got his wife pregnant. I think if he got a girlfriend on the side pregnant, this would be a much more complicated situation. Right now it seems as he feels guilty for 'ml' with working girls while he's still very much into his wife. Tough.....I battle with this feeling as well, and I'm not even married

Congrats on being a father bro...I'm not married so can't really comment on the commitment but it is a big commitment and one you shouldnt wreck by recklessly punting, esp if you think your wife is hot.

As all the bros have said, be careful and don't let emotions with HGs into the mix, it is no strings attached sex and it should stay that way.

You mentioned that she "is fragile". What makes your wife fragile? Is it because she is pregnant? sick? I hope everything is ok

Well let's see, he says he's becoming a father, wife is hot but fragile at this time. What on earth in his post would lead you to believe he has a GF on the side that he got pregnant instead of his wife?

Unless I'm missing something between the lines, his WIFE is pregnant. Probably due to how far along she is, she has low sex drive and can't do all the positions and perhaps as aggressively as before, he's just afraid he might hurt his unborn baby or giving it visuals of his penis to the baby as he has sex with his wife.

[ Last edited by  flinger at 20-7-2010 00:25 ]

As long as you still love your wife, and you don't love the WG, you will get over it soon.
I've went out with my girlfriend for 2 years before I started on this forum and it took me 6 months to get rid ofmy guilty conscience.

Why is it that you think it is OK to have a HJ/BJ, but you feel guilty when you ML...like your wife would feel better if she found out that you only got a HJ/BJ but you didn't ML?

Sorry, my attitude is always: Don't do it if you'll feel bad, if you do it don't feel bad!

... waiting for suntory ...

I've learned on this forum not to make assumptions, you really do get to hear all sorts of stories ... and there's no way we can give advice or even support until he confirms it's his wife that's expecting ... as asianman says the two scenarios are very different!!

hanks for the replies.

All right guys, to clear things out. I'm getting married soon and my future wife is pregnant but she is her 4 month now, its all not complicated im not in love with a WG or have an extra GF on the side.
I like her very much but she has no idea what kind of guy i am when i was single. Being introduced by my bro to Shenzhen KTV's, 141 Macao etc was like being introduced to soddom and Gomorrah...well what to lose im single anyway was my attitude.

and my life has been so far like: i do nasty stuff when im single
..and when i have a GF i wouldn't go to those places.

But now things have changed

I'm in my mid 30's and I'm planning to have kids with my future wife.
Now i have the feeling its a total different ballgame. Like i said , I feel less guilty doing HJ and BJ's, so far so good untill the last time with a WG she couldnt BJ to come and i ended up just do a FS within 3minutes?!?

Whole thing made me think again. I'm back to my bad habit i guess going to ring some door bells asking for HJ or CBJ service and i'm afraid i cross that thin line again and just screw a random WG again.For what? well for a cheap thrill indeed.

As for her, my concerns are mainly based on her health and wellbeing...especially like i said she is vulnerable with a baby inside I dont want any chance that my stupid actions and horny mind like doing a unprotected BJ results in negative thing for her and my future baby has like stds and Hepatitis. (FYI i was 100% clean cuz we both did a STD test before getting together)

Sometimes i think if i never was introduced to this punting scene, i could have more decent core values and norms etc....well just a thought... all comments are welcome thx

Hey Bro, thanks for all the advice... is your real name Dr Phil?

I hear ya bro. I think many guys here are "decent" (by societal standards) bros who wouldn't hurt a mosquito without good cause, but that we just can't get over our biological drive

Good!!!  

You need to do some reflection ...


oh dear oh dear oh dear ...

Some facts you need to be aware of:-
1. your needs aren't going to change just because you signed a paper and stood up in front of a crowd to speak a promise.  
2. that means your past habits - which you developed to cope with your needs - aren't going to go away just because you signed a paper and stood up in front of a crowd to speak a promise.
3. your beautiful loving wife who needs your care and attention is NOT going to give a flying fuck about you when she has a crying baby 24x7 (ask any Dad )
4. that means there are going to be LONG periods where you are sexually frustrated
5. ... and you know what happens when you try to suppress your legitimate biological needs for a long time ...

Give yourself a break.  You're not alone.  
You know and I know that if you lived in a remote village and noone ever introduced you to punting, you would still need and would still have sex with more than one partner.  

Case in point, the great CG Jung - the father of psychology as we know it today - struggled for years with his own marital issues and went into a deep depression for 10 years.  After he came out of it he said the realisation that helped him was "I would rather be whole than be good".

Go find support and help before you need it (friends, bros, older fathers, counsellors, therapists - there's lots to choose from) not when it's too late.  Start now, take your time, and like you say "think again", and again, and again ...

You have an inner nature.

I'm NOT going to tell you what that is.  And NOT going to tell you what you have to do to live your life.  Only you can discover your own inner nature, noone else can see it like you can.  Only you can discover your success formula.  

But right now the way you're trying to have "decent core values and norms" is getting in your way and causing you a lot of pain.  

You need to find your own way, including how to handle the prejudices and judgement of other people who are unqualified to have an opinion about you and your life.  

Go easy on yourself: you are what you are.  Your job is to get to know what that is, and find a way to live in harmony with the way other people are while being fully respectful to yourself and your own needs.

tbh i think its disgusting you guys go punting when you hav a wife. dude its like when u get married you say you love them and everything. yet here are you guys going behindthere back to have sex...