Hello Bros..

I have a fren who is in a bit of a pitch and the issue behind it has something to do with 'maybe' all of us.. I wanna know what you guys out there would do - maybe I can give him some ideas..

he is also a punter, well he has a bit of fun like all of us if he gets a chance to..

however, due to his mis-fortune, his trust has been betrayed by one of his closest fren who wants him to come clean to his long-term partner or else the friend will.. (of course there is a lot more to this story but I will focus on the issue....)

anyway... atm the current situation is that everything is out and they are apart..

He is a bit divided as to whether to take up the chance if offered to get back or move on? Knowing that if he did go back with her for a second chance nothing will ever be the same..

so... bros out there I wonder what you guys would do???

I personally would let go, move on etc etc...

thanks for the feedback in advance

Well it sounds like its a lose-lose situation for your friend in terms of telling his long term partner. It seems as though if he doesnt come clean, the friend will do it for him! So, the partner will know either way. What's important is that the partner hears it from her partner instead of his friend... whenever a friend has to exposes the truth instead of the guilty, it always hurts more.

DID YOU READ WHAT Jakpot WROTE ?

seriously, did you really read the post before dishing out your 2 cents ?

if he loves her, and can be determined to not punt again in the future, maybe he still have a chance of making the relationship work a 2nd time.
but i doubt the woman will ever trust him completely again.

from a punter's point of view, i say, LET GO and enjoy a SINGLE life.

i suggest he move on. unless he wants to have to be "monitored" all the time by his partner, through phone, email, GPS, etc etc.

we all make the bed we sleep in. unfortunately things didnt go his way.

unless he cannot fathom living without his partner, i'd say to just move on to the next phase of his life.

good luck to him.

It would of course depend on how much he really still wants to be with her. I wouldn't get back to her just because the offerwas on the table. In fact, to clear his mind he must think not think whether the offer is there or not. Irregardless, it comes down to his own feelings toward the girl. Are they still very strong or are they weakened now?

and yea like you said, he will always be watched closely. So, it depends also on how important the punting hobby is in his life?

BTW, what sort of a fucking friend is that!!!???

Yeah, I fucking mug him and burn his pubic hairs!!!

That friend of your friend ... is it a he or a she ?

IMHO, he should look for closure and find someone else asap to ease his pain !

Firstly, the friend has to go.  What a shithead.
Depends whether things with long term partner has potential to provide what you want other than punting - if it is then work on it and take the medicine that is necessary make it work.  As many bro's have said on the forums, punting is a hobby or past-time we can indulge in when the situation/time is right.  Relationships are a different issue.

maybe the friend is interested in his friend's partner? so thats why he screwed up the relationship?

First I would lose the friend, He is not a friend to begin with Then I would move on. She will never trust him again and he will feel awkward around her. It would never be the same.

It's difficult when love is involved, and im not just playing devils advocate for the sake of it


My 1st instinct when i read your Q is just to tell your friend move on, but if your friend REALLY would do anything for this girl (i.e. REAL love), then it's very difficult.

Bearing in mind you're asking this Q in a forum full of punters so its obvious what we would say right??



So, bottom line, if he thinks she's his soulmate then he'll get back with her, no matter what we all say.

thats what I said.. and plus there are 'loads of fish in the ocean' you will be bound to find another good catch

im not advocating anyone do anything bad, but if it was my 'friend' they wouldnt be walking home, some things are inexcusable regardless of right/wrong. secondly, in my experience, once the trust has gone in a relationship, it is next to impossible to ever regain in.

Also. your friend indulged in girls, so therefore it is not inconcievable that he would feel the urge again at some point, hence it would be even harder to have a trusting, faithful relationship. move on, find someone new, and be bit better at choosing friends in the future.

I'm probably NOT entitled to offer much of an opinion/advise on this matter as I've had more than my fair share of screwing up relationships - but here goes.

My first consideration would be if there are children involved or not and secondly the FACT that my first and most important obligation when I made my wedding vows was to be RESPONSIBLE to my SO.  Yes, a very Chinese way of thinking, sorry to say.

But guided by this spirit of responsibility, I would definitely try whatever it takes to try to get back with my wife and to try to make it work again.  Yes, not going to be an easy road - but a road that I as a man need to take. Give it my 100% effort - and only give up if ALL my entreaties, my actions, my promises etc etc has 100% failed.

I had been the one to screw up - regardless of the fact that a supposed friend had been responsible for all this to have happened; fact of the matter is that I had been the one to have broken my marriage vows and as a man I have to live up to the fact that I had been the one to cause the break-up.

There is a Chinese saying that in effect says that "if you are a true friend, you must NEVER, ever want to or be the cause of a marriage to break up" - and it is in this spirit that I've herewith offered my opinion.

SEAJ
spelling edits

[ Last edited by  SEAJ at 30-7-2010 21:54 ]

Seriously Jackpot, unless you are this person, or the friend who fucked it up for this guy, you need to stay well out of it. This is between a man and his "long term partner" and has fuck all to do withyou. You are in a no win situation if you give any advice to him whatsoever. And lets be honest here, no man wants help and advice - they just want the easy life. You tell him to go back, and then it goes tits up....you're to blame. You tell him to move on, and he pines for her, and then they getback together - you're to blame. Just support him, listen to him and answer any question with "wellwhat do you think you should do? what would your mum tell you you to do? " and buy him another beer, and then go to the KTV when some little lovely can suck all his cares away.

Also - the friend? If I was you, and I knew who it was, I'd batter the shit out of him out of principal. Unforgivable. Reminds me of when one of my wifes friend's husband told her I'd been seen coming out of a gogo in WC (which I had). I told one of my friends, and the hubbie was sporting a cut lip and black eye next time I saw him - it was the principal - you dont blag or fuck over other men. Never.

well they both still love each other but as with such things.. it will never be the same as all of us knows and yes its much better to go sperate ways..

yes WHAT type of friend is that.. a friend you can trust but than suddenly he wants to be an angel and suddenly destoys my other friends world..

I wonder what is a friend these days.. my self???

Completely agree on the principal (about not fucking over another guy)--but did the fellow even know why he got beat up?  If it was just some guy coming up and beating the shit out of him, and he has no idea why, then he just thinks he's a victim of random crime, and he's just as likely to do it again next time.

the other friend is male friend... we are all close friends even with the other halfs of theirs, which in this case out of no where he developed a conscience and wants him to make things right..

how does that work in the world???

i can't understand it at all myself.. u tell friends who u can trust in the belief that they keep it a secret...

I better be careful if i ever get a gf and continue doing this stuff...

the other friend is married - his partner (bad friend's wife) is very good friend with the 'fucked up friend's now ex'

hard to explain using friends all the time - shoulda used A & B for the different friends but anyway..