well thanks for all the advice.. all the repsonses are fair and everyone to their own opinion.. i agree with most of you guys..

I don't really want anything to do with this matter but as a good friend to both.. I rather be a mediator..

I'm only going to be a support to him, but I already gave him his options and see what lies ahead

but in all honestly if that were to happen to me..

1: I will move on even if we both love each other..

2: can never be friends again - i don't wanna dirty my hands with people like that. my rule of thumb is regardless of whether you are right or wrong in your own reasons.. you just don't betray good friends. it has nothing to do with you at the end of the day.

anyway.. as im typing this away.. i think they have settled the matter and parted for good..

thanks alot everyone...

lol KAKA.. if i ever find the right one.. i would want a double life..

i want the best of both worlds... I'm a man and I wanna be selfish..

at the end of the day - I only live once and i have to enjoy everything that is on offer in this world

Sorry for chiming in so late. Think Response No.4 from kaka sums up everything, very clear and simple - "the woman will never trust him completely again". Women have long memories and there is no other way out except have a clean break and move on. It would be difficult for her also to trust any man again.

yup totally true..

whats that saying

once something - twice something....

but anyway.. right now all is a headache for me - i just want to jet off to Macau and China & get some much needed RRR

he was not beaten up - he got a couple of smacks from a mate who asked him firstly why it had said it, and then told him to keep his mouth shut in future, and gave him a tap. So in answer, yes. I don't condone violence, but these little cunts need  a smack

We men are not being selfish.
we are just different from women.

a woman can only love 1 man at a time.
But man can love more than 1 woman at any time. (we are good at multi-tasking~!)

Yeah, you should have used A & B where the latter stands for backstabber.  

Anyways, if they ever get back he should wear the make equivalent of a chasity belt.

Seems like B may have ulterior motives (revenge sex)?

All the responses were very good, especially the part about "NEVER HAVING 100% TRUST AGAIN" because this is the real deal breaker but I want to take this in a different direction.

NOT to be racist but there is no way in the world that his close friend is Chinese.  This seems to be a very WESTERN/CHRISTIAN or something moral thing when it comes to non-Chinese.  In the Chinese culture this would be a fucking BETRAYAL  of trust from that friend and in some circles punishable.  I could never understand this shit unless the woman is his sister or something, otherwise she is just an "outsider".  Even if my Bro fucks up, no matter what I will stand by his side and not his wife or GF unless she happens to be my sister, then that's a different story and even then things may have some leeway.  For instance, I go punting with my brother in law and even my father in law in the past.  It is very much a Chinese thing and an unspoken bond that we never mention this shit to anyone.    I've even mongered with my Dad in China.  It's how MOST Chinese men roll, at least in my life experiences, anyone else have anything to chime in on this phenomena?

Just my thoughts bro...I agree with bro akka that its a situation you best stay away from. In the end, its your friend's decision based on how much he still loves her. I also agree that shitface of a friend has to go, hate grassers.

Personally, I wouldn't go back. I was stupid enough way back before to tell my gf everything, and she ended up checking my email, phone records, even tried to get in my bank accounts...it was horrible. And even if you manage to regain that trust, it could all disappear with a minor situation taken on its own (for me it was a small joint with mates). Then she makes you alienate friends and maybe bringing parents involved (in my case they wanted me in rehab!!). Its a apin living the rest of your life as a "wrongdoer" or the"bad guy".

IMO once they lose their trust, its really hard to mend. I say move on.

This is probably the wisest single comment in the thread so far

Regarding your friends, don't worry too much.  I know a couple who
  a) had a blazing row - he was out screwing around, punting, gambling - maybe she wasn't the "dutiful wife" he wanted, but equally she didn't deserve to feel the way he made her feel
  b) she got a lover
  c) she divorced him and got engaged to the lover
  d) which then didn't work out
  e) and now they're considering moving back together (with the divorced hubbie that is)

This was the last thing any of us expected, and yet in their unique circumstances actually makes sense.  

So you can't know their future

And you DEFINITELY can't give them advice, any more than I can give you advice what to tell him

But what you can do is be supportive, and encourage him to pick a direction and work towards it

I'm not gona go into detail but we are all asian from different asain backgrounds.. I myself still can't understand what the fuck was going on in his mind when he decided to do this shit..

it really shows you that Trusting a person is very hard.. but no matter I know i won't be trusting anyone like that - I trust all the bros on this forum more than i trust personal friends that i have known for years and years..

I agree with totally on the bond thing...

between us guys out there, there is a silent code everyone abides by and that is not to rat on another when these things are involved.. he basically broken that cardinal rule for all..


Hkjiggy: I feel for you.. if i was in ur position I would've have probably gone back as well but after alot of expereinces in life.. that would never happen for me since I don't plan on having any long term relationships.. I wanna live a life of a barchelor and die having fun..


DArtagnan: I gave the advice and i left it at that.. but as off now.. they have gona seprate paths..

as for me.. i need a fucking holiday.. to Macau & China

Pondered on this. I reckon the shithead mate is either fucking or wants to be fucking your other mates wife. Easy as that. The only reasonhe would take her side over his is if his emotions have shifted in their loyalty.

I reckon hes fucking her and wants to break them up.

nah...

the dumbcunt is married with kids and while the victim (cheated male friend & female) stays together most of the time.

but anyway.. they have parted ways - those 2 friends won't be friends no more

I would've just told that farker that if anything comes up I'd tell my wife he was my punting partner and I'm sure this will eventually get back to that farker's wife!

Bit of a "FUCKED UP" senerio there.....



1. Twat the backstabber so called friend...

2. Best to separate if there are no kids involved because a woman is like an elephant......

  " THEY NEVER FORGET"....

3. Take the mate involved on a holiday with a few " TRUE" friends....

4. Twat the fucker "AGAIN" when you come back from holiday....

5. If he is a "TRUE" friend then " BE THERE FOR HIM"....

6. Given enough time he will become his real self again and then if they do patch things up again because they miss each other...

" SO BE IT".....

It takes time to forgive and forget.....

Is it possible the bad friend's wife put him up to it?  Basically told him to either tell good friend or bad friends wife will tell good friends partner?

Good friend should drop bad friend all together as a friend if he keeps pushing the issue.  You don't need to be associated with people who do not have your back.
But I have a feeling that the reason why bad friend is giving that ultimatum is because his wife put him under the spot light as well and is using the "if you really never punted/cheated on me, then you will have no problem telling your friend to fess up."

In a perfect world, your friend can basically tell bad friend "Hey, it's either you force me to tell my partner and we are no longer friends.  Or we can drop the subject, I'll *quit* punting and we can stay friends"
But seeing the situation that your friend is in, it's best for him to just man up, tell partner what's going on with expectations to move out and cut all contacts with ex and bad friend.