Ain’t no one gonna just say “ it’s cause I’m no longer in love with my wife But I am not willing to break up the family?”

After 10 years man, that resentment is a libido killer.

I am happily married and my wife is super hot. Our relationship is great.

However I never got super adventurous in my sexual experiences prior to being married and now I am kind of living my fantasies out in a way that won’t lead to my family breaking apart.

She also had a few health issues that made it impossible for us to be intimate and so I trade this hobby so that I don’t resent her, we keep our family together, and I am a happy man.

All of the above.
1. Keep the family together and happy!

2. Happy wife, happy life! She seems happy not offering sex anymore… It’s ok as long as you do things with her like dinner dates, movies etc… however no more sex and I just don’t know why. Am I to initiate??? Not sure. WG sure thing I know what I want even if it’s porn nasty shit!

3. I will take this to the grave. No one knows I do this except you all reading this and I don’t expect to meet any of you at all. No hard feelings ok!

4. I don’t stare and drool at hot chicks when around my wife at all! But god damn do I look, have nasty thoughts, fuck even think about fucking her friends or coworkers…

It gets worse as you get older. You’re not a young man that young girls will look at anymore. You’re a balding dad! But shit do I want to fuck that legal aged bubble tea girl serving my boba tea! Can you suck the balls through the straw! The kgirl fills the fantasy!

About getting caught… It’s 120% preparation, like you are going to war and you can’t die. It’s like Secret Service shit. I even look up apartment maps, so I can locate the exits and shit. I memorize the layout and don’t get lost or waste 5 min.

I research previous reviews for clues like how to work the call box. The timing of the appts is critical and especially your alibi. You need to react quick if shit hits the fan with the wife questions why you going somewhere etc.

Learn to clear your tracks. The soap smells, cache history, filling up the gas tank so don’t notice the mileage, clear history on the phone, swap cloth and bury in the laundry.

There have been multiple close calls but I’ve managed to escape…

I am happily married but very vanilla sex life. I have tried to explore more with my wife but she is dead set against anything that’s not vanilla.

I have a really high sex drive and desire for novelty. I find novelty in ethnicity, body type, sexual acts. I have done threesomes, domination, pegging, golden showers etc. and these days my fetishes have gone in all kinds of weird directions.

I really enjoy mongering but sometimes wish I could stop it. It’s an addiction at this point and will need months of therapy to get over it.

It feels a bit weird and revealing of one's self, opening up here, but maybe this will be helpful for me.

I've been frequenting massage places for a couple decades now, but I never engaged in the HE stuff until a few years ago.

Here's the thing. I enjoyed being touched, and occasionally I would get quite aroused. And this arousal became a source of fantasy. So for over a decade, I had fantasies from massage. But I'm not the kind of guy who pays for sex. I don't have a problem getting sex.  So I would allow myself to get horny and have sex with my girlfriend or something.

Around 7 or 8 yrs ago, I had my first HE. It was a source of deep regret, shame and guilt. And yet, it was that experience that kind of solidified this fantasy and obsession. I don't know why. The massage lady wasn't even hot. In fact, she was the opposite. At the time, usually when they ask if I want a HE, I just say no thank you, and then that's usually the end of it. But on this occasion, she just kept stroking me, and it was a lot harder to fight. It felt amazing WHILE she was doing it.

Since then, I have more or less been in a repeating pattern that I sincerely wish to get out of. And it looks like this:

I had that first HE massage, and had an immediate feeling of guilt/shame/regret. But over a period of 6+ months, that went away. And when it's been a while, when I'm horny, my mind wonders to things that really turned me on. The guilt/shame is gone and it becomes a constant recurring fantasy in my mind. I try and avoid doing anything about it but it becomes something of an obsession. I can't get it out of my mind. I then end up going to get a massage with HE, and then I'm back at the beggining. Feelings of guilt/shame take over and I no longer think about it. The first 2-3 times, I thought, OK, that's it. Never again! But it's been like 8 yrs now, and it really isn't. I know it will happen again.

I've more or less come to a stage of acceptance. It's like a horrible itch that won't go away. So every so often I scratch it, and I give myself a moment without needing to scratch.

It must have been over 4 months now since my last visit to a HE place. And I will need to go "soonish" to get rid of that itch. But I know I won't even enjoy it (during, I mean. I never enjoy the end). But I have noticed that I can make it better or worse for myself. And the better it is, the longer I can go before I need to scractch again, and strangely, the less guilt and shame I feel.

I keep my eyes on this forum, reading reviews, to see if I can find something that meets my requirements. Something worthy of my guilt/shame.

For me personally though, I don't care about sex. In fact, it is disctintly not my fantasy. My partner is gorgeous. Sexy. And we have sex fairly regularly. She gives terrific BJs too. If she just gave me more of those, I'd probably never go get a HE.

I think for me, aside from being a fantasy, the catalyst that pushes me to actually act, is a desire to be pampered. For 1-2 hours, someone else is focusing on me. JUST on me. For 1-2 hours my brain cannot do anything else but enjoy the moment. The excitement, the anticipation etc. It's impossible to think of anything else and this is a mental relief. My work is stressful and although my relationship with my partner is good, it is basically never the case she will focus on me to try and make me feel good. I mean... she will.. but for like 15mins! That's just not enough. Her work is also high stress, so it's difficult to push her for more. Even though I will litterally devote hours of my time per week satisfying her, physically. I just need some ME time.

I don't know... maybe this doesn't make much sense.

Any way. These days, every 4-8 months or so, I will go to a spa for such service. Always a nice one. Dindgy places make me feel gross. I aim to get a good quality massage. Worthy of veggie places. And I will only accept HE from someone I actually find attractive. So I lurk the reports looking for such rarities.

I think one of the reason for mongering is to try something your signing doesn't have.

And my wife also not into sex, not role play,etc.

I'm in a situation that's similar to how Japanese culture typically views cheating. Most people there don't view sex with escorts as cheating, as long as their is no emotional bond. If you need to go see a wg to knock out an itch, go ahead and do it, just as long as it's purely physical

I have a hard time attempting to rationalize it, so I don't. I just consider it a part of who I am. I don't tell  my wife when I shit, I see this "hobby" as another form of shitting, definitely how it makes me feel about it in relation to my wife. It's not a "hobby" for the weak minded when in a relationship though. It's 100% a  risk. Are you willing to risk your relationship?

Glad I'm not alone in this business.  I knew I wasn't...but glad to see so many with positive mindsets about being married and mongering, rather than a bunch of no-goods just cheating on their wife because they hate her and hate life.  

I am also happily married, and I love my wife dearly!  I also love my family, both nucleus and beyond.  My life is full of wonderful love, and I cherish every moment of them.  I also monger.

There are two primary reasons I do this.  One, my lovely and beautiful wife of XX years is frankly not very good at sexual pleasure.  I was not pleased with our sex even before we got married, and although I hoped it would change eventually, it didn't.  I didn't marry my wife for sex.  I married her because she is a wonderful woman, a good person, and we love each other.  Unfortunately, bless her, she is still kind of a star fish and a one-position lovemaker.  And yes, I have tried A LOT to get her to do new things.  She will, but it just feels like an awkward chore.  So, my first reason for mongering is to fill a sexual emptiness I can't find at home.

Second, my sexual desires still seem about the same as when I was 18 (or 12, or 25, or any age!).  I have a raw, unbridled desire to do dirty deeds with women, with a variety of women.  It is instinctive, and I do not deny myself of my instincts.  I started mongering before I married (in fact, it was my first introduction to sex), and I think I always realized it would continue after.  I have no moral remorse with what I do, so it is pretty easy for me to continue my lifestyle.  I know the majority of the world does not share the same thought, nor would my wife or family, so it is something I will also carry with me to the grave.  In fact, it will be 12 feet under even my own grave if I do things correctly.  So, to satisfy my most perverse desires, I monger!  (I should note, I believe all women are very special and I respect them greatly.  One of the things I love about mongering is when I'm with those women who understand men the most.  The ones who love to be treated like a lady outside the bedroom, but will happily let their man treat them like a  *put your desired word here*  inside the bedroom.)  

For all those good men who live secret lives for similar reasons, thanks for sharing your story.  It is instinctive to want to talk about these things (even for an introvert), but sharing this with friends and family is clearly not an option.  So, I'm glad we can share them here in complete anonymity .  (Oh, keep your computer security tip top as well!)

There's a fairly good chance wives in a sexless marriage are fucking around too.

I've also read that Japanese men see their wives as family members, and since you wouldn't have sex with "family," it only makes sense to have sex outside of marriage.  Not sure how valid that is.

- Hi all. Call me Nick. I am newbie. Glad to be here. Have a nice day everyone!)

In nature, alpha males often seek to mate with multiple females. While human society has evolved, men's sexual desires persist and are not necessarily contradictory to love. If you desire extramarital relationships without your wife knowing, she will find out one way or another.

Why do I do it?  I might be different to others but for me - i still wanna fuck cute 20-something women just as much as when I was a 20-something single man.  Getting older, getting married didnt change that at all.  I understand others see it differently but i dont feel guilty about it and dont feel like I'm doing anything wrong.  I only hide it because of how society views mongering.

How do i hide it?  I am super cautious.  Separate phone with its own phone number/sim card. separate venmo account (with venmo debit card, for getting cash from ATM in a way she cant see).  Disable app access to Tesla when I am somewhere I shouldnt be.  Disable security cameras when leaving home and arriving back. Think through every step of your adventure, make sure there are no flaws in your plan.   Only use well-reviewed, established providers.

Been doing this for 20 plus years.  This hobby started out as wanting to try different things--all while happily married and getting it from the wife regularly.  At first white, black, latino and then later got more specific mongolian, irish, australian, you get the picture.  I also travel a lot for work

Lately I've been hitting more AMPs. its adventure/challenge to find hot RA and then see how far I can get (at an AMP) and for how cheap.  Sometimes I win sometimes I lose.  It all adds to the challenge.  

98% of the time it ends with a happy ending.  

I'm quitting it, married and I have gone only for a fetish (never had sex with anyone outside of my wife) but I have this random fetish where I like getting my toes sucked/licked and this was the way to go about living it.

I feel too guilty spending money on the ones that do it, and even worse one girl gave me a BJ even though I told her no. But once she started I couldn't stop and I nutted in her mouth. Felt even more guilty after that. A few months afterward, another girl sucked my balls and I kind of let it happen. No attachment to any of these but I know it's not right. I personally want to just overcome my fetish and live a normal family life but my god its ingrained in my brain.