*** Comment ***

I was thinking about how to make a funny thread that's interesting to read from start to finish.

If you want to take part then please do.

Every reply in this thread must contain one "Blonde" joke that hasn't been posted higher up the thread.

In other words, you can reply or comment as much as you like, but every reply must have a "Blonde" joke in it.

I wonder if I'll get any replies


*** Joke ***

Two blondes walk into a building. . . you'd think at least one of them would have seen it!

[ Last edited by  princeandnpg at 19-2-2009 02:31 ]

Two blonde guys were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walked by and asked them what they were doing.

"We're supposed to measure the height of this flagpole," said blonde guy number one, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse and loosened some bolts. The guys helped her lay down the flagpole. Then the woman got a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and said, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away.

Blonde guy number two shook his head and laughed. "Isn't that just like a girl? We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"

The waiter asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or into twelve.


"Six, please" said the blonde, "I could never eat twelve"

Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy. The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said, "I think we're in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?"  

This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde said, "I've got an idea. We'll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours."  

The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second when she got home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled the ribbons off while they were playing."  

"OK, we need to find a better way to tell them apart," says the second blonde.   After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars.  

Again, the next day, the first blonde comes running up to the second as soon as she gets home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled their collars off while they were playing."

"There's got to be some way to tell them apart," says the second blonde.  

After several more hours of concentration, the first blonde finally comes up with another idea, "I know! Why don't you take the black one and I'll take the white one!"

A blonde, a brunette and a red head are sipping tea and discussing their pregnancies.

The brunette says, "My baby's going to be a boy." The blonde asks, "How do you know?" The brunette says, "Because when we did it, my husband was on top."

The red head then says, "My baby's going to be a girl." The blonde asks, "How do you know?" The red head says, "Because when we did it, I was on top."

The blonde starts crying hysterically. When her friends finally calm her down, they ask her why she was crying. The blonde says, "My baby's going to be a puppy."

Three blonde nuns in church on a hot day decide to remove their robes because of the heat. Not an unusual habit on a hot day. So about a half hour later, the door bell rings while their robes are slumped over pews clear across the huge chapel.

They ask who it is. "The blind man," a voice replies.

The three nuns decide to simply open the door because the man is blind. He walks in, looks at the nuns and says, "Nice tits! Where do you want me to install these blinds?"

Q. What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A. A brunette with bad breath.

Q. What's the difference between butter and a blonde?
A. Butter is difficult to spread.

Q. What did the blondes right leg say to the left leg?
A. Nothing, they haven't met!

Q: Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
A: They can't keep their calves together!

Q. Why do blondes wear underwear?
A. To keep their ankles warm.

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A. You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Drop dead blonde, the works.

"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am.... could I see your drivers license...?" "What's a license???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.

"It's usually in your wallet," replied the officer.

After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it "Now may I see your registration?" asked the cop. "Registration..... what's that?" asked the blonde.

"It's usually in your glove compartment," said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration. "I'll be back in a minute," said the cop and walked back to his car.

The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back; "Ummm.... is this woman driving a red sports car?"

"Yes," replied the officer.

"Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher. "Uh... yes" replied the cop.

"Here's what you do," said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants." "WHAT!!? I can't do that. It's..... inappropriate," exclaimed the cop.

"Trust me..... just do it," said the dispatcher. So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.

The blonde looks down and sighs, "Oh no ... not ANOTHER breathalyzer."

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders she would need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked.

"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?

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A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

He asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." he sighed, "we'll put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."

So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"

A drunken blind man walks into a bar and after conversing with the locals finally yells, "Hey, do you want to hear a really funny blonde joke?"

The gentleman beside him says to him in a hushed voice, "You might not want to tell that joke since everyone here IS blonde including that 250 pound wrestler on the other side of you and the 225 pound black belt bouncer who's staring at you nastily. Are you sure you still want to tell that joke?"

"Nah," says the blind guy, "not if I'm going to have to explain it twice."