An octopus walks into a bar and see's a band playing in the corner. He walks up and says "I'm the best musician in the world. I can play any instrument you like".
So the English guy goes "Alright then. Play this" and hands him a guitar. The octopus plays it better than Jimi Hendrix, better than Chuck Berry, better than anyone and hands him back the guitar.
The Irishman says "Okay, how about this?" and shows him to the piano. The octopus sits down and plays it like never before - Better than Jerry Lee Lewis and Elton John. The best pianist ever.
Finally, a Scotsman says "Alright, let's see ya play this then" and hands him a set of bagpipes. The octopus looks at them and fumbles with them. Couple more minutes and he's still struggling and there's no sound coming out. Couple more minutes and still nothing so the Scotsman says "Oh, so can you not play it then?"
And the octopus says "Play it? I'm gonna fuck her when I get her pyjamas off"