Keep it quiet

For the kids sake.

Peace.

I decided to resurrect this thread because of new developments.  

I never did reveal an iota of what I learned.  Like most guys this is easy because we lose interest and forget the details anyway.  Haha.  

I just learned.'.....    She left him and is going for a divorce.

She has a new boyfriend.  (Not my brother).  

I never did tell him what I knew.  But I wish he knew....  perhaps help him in the divorce hearings.

I could not do anything too put my bro in harm's way, but it isn't fair my best mate doesn't get to use every bit of aMmunition a divorce often requIres.  We'll see.

I would still keep it quite as it may shatter your mate even more.

Hope your mate finds someone better in the future or becomes an awesome poster on this forum while blowing off steam... So to speak...

Show him the ropes Wander.

Obe

Depending on the state, these issues may be material.  I divorced in Massachusetts.  My ex-wife wanted to crucify me in the divorce settlement, because I had been massively unfaithful (all WGs).  She wanted to make me pay, big time...  But the state of Massachusetts doesn't give a shit about the specifics of the divorce.  It's a "no-fault" state.  All that mattered is that I gave her a "reasonable" settlement.  Which I did...

Have fun, CGP

I would still keep quiet, but you might want to consider the best value of either situation to your mate.

I'm assuming it is clear that he knows of the boyfriend, so it's not news to him that she was cheating on him. With the legal situation does it matter how many guys she's been with to the outcome of the settlement? My guess is probably not, but I don't know the law of the country your mate is in.

On the other hand if the information is material and the money he gives her would be significantly less, you might want to think about telling him and explaining your dilemma of not telling him. He should take the welcoming information and will at least have more money to blow on punting.

You could always make up a story like you were talking with your brother and you were telling him that your mate is getting divorced, he asked who and you said so you told him that he actually meet the wife one time on her vacation...etc. Just hope he doesn't blame your brother for starting her cheating ways.

Hope things work out for the best and quickly for your mate.

No, my mate believes  she met this new boyfriend after they separated. As far as I know he is not aware of her cheating.  He might be and chose to keep it to himself (pride).  

Anyway.  It isn't my fight, I guess.  A shame though.., they were good together for a bloody long time.

What a see you next Tuesday this ended up being. Sorry to hear the outcome but it may have been different had you been given different advice.

What's done is water under the bridge and no matter how hard you try you can't reverse the flow of a river so don't dwell on the past. Too often we focus on the door that just closed that we do not realize another door has just opened.

Life's a bitch. If it were easy, she'd be called a slut.

I've had to rewrite this 3 times now as my browser keeps crashing. Each time it's been slightly different but I'll try and recreate what I wanted to say and see if it helps you in a later situation or if other bros may be in this situation.

I believe you should have said something. Not necessarily to your mate, but to at least confront the girl. But before we get to that, I would like to know if your brother was aware at the time of this one night stand that she was married. He didn't have to know it was your best friend but the general norm is you don't sleep with your friend GF or wife. If he didn't know then that's that, if he did know, then he's kind of a scumbag Steve but what's done is done.

Now how I would have handled this is I would have confronted her on the fact that you knew she cheated and see how she reacts. If she reacted by doing the whole "I'm so stupid, I knew it was wrong, I'll never do it again" chances are you just tied up a loose end. But if her response was to justify it, reg flags would start popping up in my head. Like if she responded with the childish response "well he did it" then I would respond with "well if he ate a whole brick of human shit would you follow his footsteps? If he pierced only one cheek and stretched it into a gaping hole would you do it?" And if she does the whole "hangs her head down and responds with no" you probably tied up a loose end again. If she goes off again then it's going to repeat and you should've told your mate and it probably would have been a lot "cleaner".

With that being said, when you tell your best friend, you don't have to tell him it's your brother. You can say it was a close friend who was unaware of the situation and has already realized his wrong and backed off and you won't tell him who it was but that you both know him. If he gets all up in your face, just tell him that it's become more socially acceptable to remain silent than to speak up in fear of hurting people's feelings and we wonder why common sense isn't so common anymore. Often the right things to do are the most difficult things to do. But it also depends on your approach, wording, and tone.

Also the internet is such a whore. It allows people to cheat so much easier than ever before and your friend wouldn't have been caught if he didn't get sloppy.

Now with all of that being said in my previous post, I had a similar situation like yours with a few of my friends.

Friend 1 was going out with a girl and it seemed to be going pretty alright. But then she dumped him for no apparent reason. The group later learned that she left him for friend 2. Friend 1 forgave friend 2 and friend 2 and the girl were a lot happier and were seen doing more things than when she was with friend 1 as if the connection was stronger.

So maybe things would have been better had your brother pursued but what happened next in the group was it got really really really awkward for friend 1 and 2 even after the apology so like all WGs, ymmv

I beg to differ. I have female friends that I don't want to fuck. I also have exs that I don't ever want to have sex with them again.

Did your best friend have another affair?

Although I wish my mate had the ammuNition to help in a divorce, I don't really agree with your post.  It seems naive.

They had a long happy marriage with good kids.  The rule about staying out of other people's marriages is not there to be careful about other people's"feelings", it is there because any outsider only knows a tiny fraction of the whole  relationship story. Then they butt in with their superior worldly views to"fix" things.  

Stay out of it.  

So, if any of you learn devious news of my wife... Stay out of it.  Not you business.  

A second reason I stayed out of it is that I didn't know what she knew (our guessed) about me.  I punted with my mate often.  Maybe she could cause me quite a bit of damage as revenge if I chose to speak up.

There are few spouses who have cheated more than me....  

Again.., best to stay out of it.