She married and had 13 children. Her husband died.

She married again and had 7 more children. Again, Her husband died.

But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children.

Alas, she finally died.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.

He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, Lord, they are finally together.

One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend,

Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?

Her friend replied, I think he means her legs.

One Night After Watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire...

A man and his wife went to bed and the man was getting very frisky.

He asked his wife if she was in the mood.

His wife answered, "Not tonight dear, I have a headache."

The man replied, "Is that your final answer?"

She said "Yes."

"OK, then I'd like to phone a friend." he replied.

A friend asked me the other day why I never got married.

I replied "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl."

"Oh, come on now," said my friend. "Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry."

"Yes, there was one girl... once. I guess she was the one perfect girl -- the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything... I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me."

"Well, why didn't you marry her?" asked my friend.

I shrugged my shoulders and replied, "She was looking for the perfect man."

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Atlanta to New York.

After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they decide to stop at a nice hotel and take a room. They only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.

The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.

When the clerk explains that $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager.

The manager enters the conversation and explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which were available for the husband and wife to use.

He also explains that they could have taken in one of the shows which the hotel is famous for.

"The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," explains the manager.

No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!"

The manager is unmoved. Eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and hands it to the manager.

"But sir," the managers says, "this check is only made out for $100."

"That's right," replies the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."

"What! I didn't sleep with your wife!" exclaims the manager.

"Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."

A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem.

As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go."

The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad."

"Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked.

The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."