He sits down and orders a drink. The barman gives him his drink, accompanied by a bowl of peanuts. To his surprise, the peanuts start talking to him, saying "You look fabulous tonight darling!  Oh yes, you look really gorgeous ... and that aftershave is just wonderful!"

The man is speechless and can hardly grasp the situation.  He tries to ignore the peanuts.  Then, realizing that he has no cigarettes he wanders over to the cigarette machine. After inserting his money, the cigarette machine starts insulting him, saying ""You ugly fat bastard.  You're a complete t**t and you smell.  Go and boil your head, you piece of shit. Did you know you're almost as fat and ugly as your mother?"

By now, the man is extremely perplexed. He turns to the barman looking for an explanation. "Ah yes sir," the barman responds,

"The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order."

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