Just curious to know if any bro's have guilt or feel guilty towards their partner - gf / wife / etc. when visiting 141's.

No.

I keep it as just sex and have justified to myself that it is no different than going to a restaurant.  Since I got myself to truly believe this lie, everything has been fine.

do you love her? does she give you enough sex? all questions we must ask - if you go through it all and its YOU that is truly in the wrong and she is perfect, just ask if your conscience and lying capacity can handle it...I guess I'm saying, is it worth it?

This has been covered a bunch of times here in different threads.

From the history of your posts, it looks like you're trying to catch your husband or boyfriend, and think you can smoke him out with questions. Maybe I'm wrong, but I always get suspicious of newbies that haven't posted reports and start asking questions like yours.

-G

Hope I won't be mongering when I'm married. That's not fair to a wife - seems like you don't respect her.

Sex is a big deal if you are in a relationship, just imagine your g/f or wife starts sleeping around. I once thought sex wasn't a big deal and had nothing to do with love, but it does. It's intimate, it's something you'd hate the person you love to do with anyone else.

On the otherhand, i'm addicted to sex. It has nothing to do with my partner, I simply need the release, just like a drug. After a while, i'll probably want something stronger. Of course, I could get professional help, but at the moment it helps me cope and deal with life. It gives me an outlet to express myself outside of work, family and relationships.

As my dark little secret, I feel guilty and more often than not get sick to my stomach, but those are only side-effects. In the grand scheme of things, it helps me maintain a temporary state of happiness and in my view it can be worth it if you are willing to take the risks, but in the long run isn't something I want to do for the rest of my life. Like any addiction, it's often than not unhealthy.

[ Last edited by  chimaira at 28-4-2009 15:34 ]

Was just curious in how others go about it.
To be honest, i have not done it yet so i cant say if i do or not feel guilt.

G-A-R-Y > not trying to smoke anyone out haha, and i have balls thank you!
Was curious but also because i read alot of posts where bro's say they went to visit WG's and suddenly mention that they kissed their wifes/gf's goodbye an hour ago saying they were going to work or something.

p.s. i'm not judging anyone as i know everyone has their own story and relationships.

Here's my two cents...  

I had a major-league sex addiction for years.  It started with a WG visit every few months for pure physical release...  then escalated as I got more comfortable, my experiences got better and better, and I grew to enjoy the sense of openness and freedom.  At one point I went through over US$10,000 in one month (much easier to do in the US than in HK).  

I managed to cover my tracks well enough for over a decade to avoid crippling suspicions by my wife.  But finally an irate BF of my mistress cracked into her computer, found the email thread of our correspondence, tracked me down, and read the emails to my wife over the phone.  She threw me out of the house that night when I returned from a business trip.  We divorced 22 months to the day later, but only after US$300,000 in legal bills and me repaying US$400,000 in "extracurricular" expenses...

Getting caught was actually a tremendously liberating experience.  Living a double life was a crippling burden.  Having to lie all the time was just eating me up inside.  To be perfectly honest, my guilt was 90 percent from the fact that I was lying to her.  Years of WG experiences led me to separate sex from emotional attachment so completely that I really did see the playing around as "just sex"...  So while I was "cheating" I did not see it as a violation of our emotional relationship.  Feel free to disagree with my interpretation, but that is what I felt.

By the way, the other thing that happened when she threw me out of the house is that I had the opportunity to see our mutual interaction from a distance...  with some perspective.  I then realised that I should have divorced her 15 years before.  Both of us -- and our kids -- would have fared a whole lot better!  But life is always easier to navigate via the rear-view mirror...

Have fun, CGP

Thanks for sharing Caligynephiliac. Good thorough read up there and alot of stuff I am and dealing with right now.

Thats definitely a good read.

Maybe better to have cut the loses but its hard when you are committed with your SO in a life long relationship right?

Sometimes things are meant to be what they are.

As for the guilt - I'd imagine that it would get hard to cover the tracks after the many years.  It all depends on how the bros can cover and handle it.  You have to understand to separate the sex and emotions.  Sex is only with the WG and its sex and only sex - just for the release.  While having sex and the emotions is with your wife/gf/so.  Gotta make it clear.

Thank you all for your opinions and thank you Caligynephiliac for your post, interesting read!

You guys are right though that sex is just sex and a seperation between the physical and emotional must be there. Will keep it in mind for the future!

wow, thanks for sharing this...that was quite personal.  now that you have divorced, do you still get the sense of satisfaction from the wgs?  or has things died down?

just curious b/c i've had similar thoughts before.

thanks.

I feel you brother, but I don't find WG's as crippling as mistresses.  Seems you got a  little too tight with that particular WG.  I too am in the US, but I use a tmobile to go phone as well as a tracphone, I put 10 bucks into each phone every few months to keep it going therefore my personal information is never in jeopardy.