I am asian American in my 30s living in the bay, I got into this hobby a few years ago after dating a girl I met on okcupid, who told me she was an escort after a few dates. We dated for awhile (never paid), but it got weird after she asked me to do odd things for her. Ie like cum inside her so a dude comes over and eats it out of her.

My question for you bay area people. Is it hard for you guys to find non working girls to date. I am on tinder, okc, hinge and rarely anyone attractive ever matches with me. I would say that maybe 20% of the escorts I see, they fall for me, offer free bbfs sex, cook for me, want to hang out with me on their time off, but I can't get a non working girl to even swipe right on me. I'm not naive, im sure some of the girls are using me for something, but some seem genuinely interested.  I'm a decently good looking person,  I don't want to be in this hobby forever. I would much rather prefer passionately fucking a significant other than an escort I can't even talk to haha, but there aren't many options out there =(

Hey bro,

I’m Asian American as well. Gotten into the hobby out of curiosity. Still go on dates with civvy like 1-2 a month. Im mainly meet them in the scene like gym, take a class, or join a meet up. Tinder, bumble, and ok Cupid works but there will be hits and misses.

Also you should look into those match making services. I knew a couple dudes that got into that’s. Pretty much someone sets them up on a date with a pretty nice lady. Most of them are Chinese services so it’s pretty much chinese ladies. I knew a dude that went out on dates with 5 different girls till he found his wife who was also a physician. Crazy right? I think it’s great for them. Most Asians are shy so it helps them a lot.

You have to know that the world inside where the light shines red is entirely different from the real world. It’s like entering a simulation or participating in virtual reality. It’s fake but it’s real at the same time. Pretty much whatever you were before you got into the hobby is still who you are.

An escort is also looking for their future husband. I wouldn’t say it’s bad or good. I would just draw the line at anything intimate. Like I pay for them to leave at the end. I don’t spend too much time thinking about them. I mean I did back when I first started the hobby but dude, they are great actresses. They need a private atm at times.

Honestly, I view dating differently now that I've joined the hobby. I don't care as much, if I ever find an actual partner or not. I used to be a hopeless romantic and throw all my energy into one person and get totally destroyed if it didn't work out. I do prefer civvy sex over an escort. Even though, I usually see gfe girls, it's never the same.

But yeah, I don't think I can do those Chinese dating services. I usually date them pale skin, alt hair colored white chicks haha I haven't dated an Asian girl in like 10 years.

Dating apps are harsh. Women have really high expectations. Most of them are 4-9ers. Girls who are 4 out of 10 but think they are a 9. A female friend suggested I try dating apps but only matched with a few girls. After a few days they stopped responding. I do a lot better in person meeting people at bars or social gatherings.

It also doesn't help it's a sausage fest in most of the events I go to. There must be at least 4 guys for every girl in the bay. I wouldn't date a single mom so that makes my odds even worse.

Personally, I think being in the hobby for over 8 years has ruined me. I've been in 2 long term relationships and after some time I want to bang someone new. It always brought me back to reading reviews and wanting to be with someone else just one time. Now that I'm single again I've been enjoying myself sampling left and right. My ex's let me go raw and creampie them so the service is the same as with Kgirls. It must be the diversity that I missed.

For now I don't put much pressure on finding someone. Just living the moment and seeing Kgirls. Maybe down the line I will prioritize a faithful monogamous relationship.

It is really hard or next to impossible to be monogamous when you have this hobby.  Anyone succeeds doing that ? I am just curious.

I kept on thinking about the thrill of banging someone new. I will suggest to get away from these types of forums once you are in a serious relationship to avoid being tempted.

During my first 2yr relationship I wasn't able to stay away and saw a fairly popular girl when my gf went on vacation to visit relatives. Unfortunately, I got a UTI which at the time thought it was a STI so we didn't have sex. My ex and I always went raw so I was afraid of passing something to her. Eventually gave in and we were intimate again. Broke up a few weeks after. Learn from my mistake unless you date someone who you can care less of what happens between you two.

Here’s a tip every single time you go raw. Water fast for 3 days. It’s an old wives method before antibiotics.

Whatever bacterial infection(sti) you catch sticks to the walls of the Urethra. The micro anatomy of chlaymydia is that it has a hook like claw that sticks to the walls. So peeing it out doesn’t do anything…  the same goes with any bacteria infections.

Water fasting starves the infection out. Bacteria infections live off glucose that we eat. To expedites the healing process take probiotics and d-mannose pills. My Urologist friend told me this method. He doesn’t recommend it for patients because it requires multiple days of fasting which sounds barbaric although it has been proven people can fast for multiple days without any severe health issues.

Again, this doesn’t work against viral infections. For anyone who don’t know the difference between viral and bacterial look it up.

Water fast is straight water, tea or black coffee. No sugar or anything with calories.

I fasted before I got into this hobby so it’s not an issue to me. But what I do if I ever go raw. The next 3 days I drink a 3-4 liters of water. Clears it out. Saves me that trip to the clinic and taking antibiotics.

Still go on dates with civvy and go raw.

Just remember to get tested regardless because you never know.

For those who are confused about how fasting kills microbes. Just look up ketones and urine acidity. At a certain pH microbes can’t survive.

I did this while I was in a LTR, and did this while I was single. It really is always there to scratch an itch, and no civie girl will ever do it. While you're single you might luck out with a date that leads to an entire night of passion that you could have with a K-girl in an hour on demand. But that will either turn into a relationship after a while with same old same old, or it will end with her saying vague things like things just aren't working out... and that's all of the closure you'll get. There's nothing you can do about it except move on and continue to be the best possible guy that you would want your daughter to date. Don't get an ego about it, though. There are quality girls on Hinge, but 90% of them are just inflating their ego while they are equally insecure and miserable being single, wondering why nobody wants them and at the same time never changing themself... Most of these girls out there honestly don't even want to be dating. They're so rare on apps, because most of the guys out there aren't worth their time. They are perfectly fine staying at home and not getting laid, sex for girls is not the necessity that it is for us.They can get it whenever they want, and their options are actually endless with Tinder. Only the top 5% of guys there are getting matches. It's not personal, we do the same with them.

If you want to eventually have a relationship, you'll probably get the best results from referrals from your friends. Once you're in your 30s, you are in your prime for girls, and it only gets easier. If your girl friends identify you as a decent guy, they will constantly be throwing single friends your way. If this isn't happening for you, go back to the drawing board and ask yourself why.

All of that said, this monger life is a secret one for us. We know we can get something, and we don't have to be single for it. PSE experiences aren't real. If a girl is giving that to you for free, she's leading you on because she wants something that she can't get from other guys... $280 is really cheap when you think about it. I've spent thousands on civie girls just trying to date them and nothing was guaranteed. Maybe exclusive BBFS, sure, but I just date because I enjoy their company. I'll go down to San Jose when I want to have really great sex with an experienced professional.

"If this isn't happening for you, go back to the drawing board and ask yourself why." - this speaks volumes to me.

I wouldn't assume what works for WGs works on everyone. Self-reflection is definitely important. If you're absolutely stuck on the problem, go seek help outside of a mongering forum. But I want to believe everyone has done enough reflection to understand that there is always at least one thing to improve themselves... whether it's related to physical appearance, ability to hold interesting conversations, making a person laugh, etc. If patterns are forming, there's a good chance there's a reason behind it. Clearly working girls see something in you that they find attractive that appeals to that kind of girl specifically, but doesn't hold true for civies.

+100 on social connections helping. Get to know coworkers better, branch out your social circles, take more classes, go to climbing gyms, etc. If dating apps aren't working, try routes that are more personal. I think the best civies aren't on dating apps or are too overwhelmed with the number of guys hounding for them if they are on an app. You have to imagine every guy (S-tier to F-tier) are all going after the same girls, and there's always more guys than girls. These days, it feels like you just need to know someone in order to find someone, which is hard.

Maybe the biggest difference is the most obvious one, where you're in person with WGs and creating great connections, whereas civies are communicating through a screen... and it's lacking that personal encounter that might be your biggest strength. Also statistically, male asians have significantly lower rates of matching on apps so there's that against you too.

Best of luck, things will work out!

i would not use my emotional energy with a WG.  It sounds like she is not in an exclusive relationship and might still be in the business.  Treat her as a friend with benefits.  Nothing more.

i had relationships with a few WGs.  But its all been about sex.  Thats all they know.  They have been trained that the only way to please a man is pussy.  They think if they do it for free it means they love you and that its not about money.  TBH, the sex is good -- yet i would never BB a WG.  But there is no moving towards marriage -- like I would lose all face if one of my friends or relatives was once her customer?  Remember what she used to be.  If someone comes along with more money than you, she will leave you too.

Beware.  If you know her long enough you may grow to love her and make her your significant other.  But be prepared to lose face or be forced to move away.  Sad part is, you will develop expectations that all people on dating apps want sex.  They wont.  And if that is your expectation, you will not find someone.  Real woman, wife material, expect to be courted -- and have a real relationship.  If you expect instant sex, you will be disappointed.  WG are an easy choice if that is your expectation -- which is what you are finding out.

[ Last edited by  micgao at 4-4-2023 10:20 ]

Like what eatmoose said about what saylr said: "If this isn't happening for you, go back to the drawing board and ask yourself why." - this speaks volumes to me.

I've been in multiple long term relationships, and the one thing I've learned is that the problem is usually you. Not saying the girls don't have problems. They surely have their insecurities and all, but at the end of the day, you need to be ready for that LTR. This means a lot of self-sacrifice and being willing to work through things with her. This also means working on yourself right now to get to a point where your problems don't hold you back from moving forward when things go south.

I definitely second what others have said about social connections. You need both. Working on dating apps to try to find that needle in a haystack and also getting real life interaction if that is running dry. Sometimes, it's as simple as making a habit of learning a new hobby. I tried rock climbing once and bumped into a random cute girl while waiting my turn. Nothing came out of it, but just chatting with her felt like there was some possibility there. If I was not already there with someone I liked, I would have asked for her number.

I'm rooting for you.

I am INTJ, which means Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Judgmental in the Myers-Briggs matrix, which itself is based on the four personality traits as defined by Jung.

Silicon Valley has an overabundance of INTJ personality types-- it is the typical engineer/architect type.

INTJs have difficulty relating to anyone (not just girls).

I found someone in college.  I think college is a good location for seeking a match.  You want someone who is (in addition to the usual) smart and ambitious.  Female students are smart and ambitious as well as usually single.  You know what your prospective date is into, just ask what her major is (a much less imposing question than what her job is).  Neither you nor your prospective date have a day job, so salary comparisons are out as a measure of worth.  Thanks to the war on men, male college students are in the minority, increasing the chances of matching.  Your prospective date is also looking for a match, unless she is gay or already has a boyfriend (but if she has a boyfriend, she still might be interested in trading up).

If you are not currently attending college full time, then audit a class in a field of study that you are interested in.  Or join meetup and pretend that the physical meetups are college classes (just without the institution).

I don't have any experience with dating apps but I would not totally discount them since sorting and matching is one of the things that computers are really good at.  I would say if one is single, try it, but at the same time, be economical about it, and develop a tough hide to help one survive the occasional rejection that will sneak past your (well developed) sixth sense for GPS holders.

Oh and also if you can get a dog and walk it often yourself in local parks.  Instant non-threatening convo maker with hott girls who are often looking for action.

[ Last edited by  mr_tux at 13-5-2023 03:31 ]

I'd honestly say that only a handful of girls that I met through the apps were actually doing sex related services. A few of them tried escorting, but most were trying to get famous on OF and looking for someone who was willing to shoot videos with them. Just looking back, I feel like all the girls I met who did provide sex related services were only from Tinder and OkCupid.

The Bay is definitely a tough place (they call it man-jose for a reason) to date especially if you don't bring your A-game.

On a good day, I'm probably a solid 2/10 in looks, but extremely outgoing which makes it super easy for me to get to know/meet people. I never paid for premiums on those apps and dated quite a lot of girls (we're talking easily 50+), but in the end, I actually met my now SO at a house warming party that I went to, from friends I made through a meetup event.

I don't see anything strange about escort girls being open to having sex with a guy they like. I know a few girls who go on dates in their spare time with someone other than a client. They want sex, too. And at work, they care about the client's pleasure and fulfill their desires rather than their own. Also, I have a friend who works as a webcam model, but at the same time, she can visit stop promoting links! to have fun, to look at other girls and guys.

[ Last edited by  porkchops at 3-8-2023 12:20 ]

You'll need to spend some $$$ or have patience with these dating apps, unless you're a giga Chad. I was on Coffee Meets Bagel (CMB) for some time and it's structured in a way where you need to spend $$$ to even get the girl to see that you "Liked" their profile if they are popular.

Your best bet for meeting someone is in person either through an event, meetup, or friends.

Dating here is quite hard depending on the circumstances on how you meet people. It feels that most dating here is on the superficial level and dating apps tend to be a strong miss and very rarely are there good hits from personal experiences and what my friends have to say. I have dated a couple times here and that was either through meeting people through associates at work, friends, or going to events where I had interactions with others so it really depends, especially on the type of people you are looking for. You could maybe get some luck going to the nightclubs in SF or SJ, people there tend to be the most open from what I have heard but personally that is not my scene.

If avoid glucose only, just fast with just  a few tablespoons of olive oil throughout the day to stop hunger pangs

as chinese in early 30s, i find dating on cmb/hinge to be pretty simple, averaging 1 date a month for last few years. but the problem is converting dates into actual relationship also need to take a hard look at yourself if you think you never match with anyone "attractive" on apps because you may just have unrealistic standards or you yourself are not as attractive as they are. i've definitely gone on dates with several women who were significantly more attractive than i am but most are around the same as me. i'm like a 6, 6.5 on a good day and go on dates with 5.5 to 7s, with the very occasional 8. i have noticed that only two of those dates were born in america though lol

[ Last edited by  420fartmaster69 at 27-1-2024 04:08 ]

I turned 30 not long ago. Got tired of living in the Bay and moved to the suburbs. There is no dating out here. When ever I get invited to go out to SF, it just seem more and more of a drag. I've never really tried the dating apps but from what I've seen, I don't think I would do too well. Not saying I'm ugly or anything but it seems like the competition is just too much. This is the reason why I found these forums, if I'm going to make the drive I might as well get a guarantee thing.