Yeah, it is true.

I tried, rather hard, to forget one gal.  Joann.  My 4-year love-affair.  I found some gals in LA to help soothe me.  Isabelle (a latina stripper) and Thip (a Thai masseuse) primarily.  (plus a new civvie gal I just started dating - an exotic Ethiopian/Swiss mix gal (what an odd combination, right?).  Tall and built like a super-model with breasts, very european facial-features, yet black, black, black skin.  Damn hot, actually.  She should be on film.  A Bond-girl.  About 5'11 I suppose.  She walks into a room and the place goes quiet.  What a look she has!  Nice woman too.)

But I just cant forget Joann.  I cant do it.  I have just started the process to help her get a visa to come see me in America.  This will be VERY tricky to plan and execute between the two of us.  She's married aswell.  Though maybe not for much longer...  nor me.

Sigh.  I thought distance and time apart would evaporate these thoughts.  But the contrary seems to be true.

Instead of making our emotions soften.., time apart has only made them more acute.  Realizing what I am missing, what could be.., and missing her all the more.  We have started skypeing more and more just to get our "fix" of each other.  Skype sex is not terribly fullfulling.

So...., I seem to be doing what I have preached against for years.  Committing to a former-Working-Girl.  I have written threads against this very thing, based on my own experieinces and many, many observations.  And as I re-read the old posts of mine I go, "yep, this fellow is bang on!".  So, I am going against everything I know to be true.

The odds of a successful relationship are tiny.

Yet...  she is the one I want. The only one, it seems.  She's ruined other women for me.  I would push my Ethiopian/Swiss super-model over a ledge to help Joann walk past.  Shite!

I have slept with so many hundreds of gals, maybe over 1,000 even.  I have built so many "girlfriend" relationships over the years with WG-regulars.  So many truly wonderful romances.  But none of them matter except this one.     

Doomed. It seems.  

But I just have to follow through on this one...  I need to see its conclusion.  We are only here once, right?

I laugh at most of the comments so far.

So jaded.

Just like my comments would have been (except Doghead.., thank you for the understanding).

Bros, throw me a frickn bone here!  I aint some kid washed up on the New Jersey shore.  I've been around.  I paid my dues and seen or heard of a million disaster stories.  You've read my reports.

And.., if you've actually paid attention (I am not saying you should have) you'll see that the I kept on coming back to the same girl.  She kept appearing in my stories.  Right from the first moment I joined this site.  In fact, I think months after joining I wrote a thread stating how sunk I was on a gal.  Well, that was her then...,  and it still is her now.  Years later....

This aint some newbie smitten on a hot piece of tail.  Not some guy who finally got fucked properly.

Been there a million times.

It is soooo much more than that.  I've done everything possible to push her away, stay uninvolved, stay distant.  And the only one I see suffering because of my choices is ME!  I just cant ever, ever, ever get her out of my mind.  And I am not as happy when she is not beside me.  Simple as that.  

Finally, after years of this.., I gotta go, why?  Why Wander, will you still not see a good thing right before you? The right thing?

[ Last edited by  wander at 22-10-2012 14:23 ]

i wish you the best of luck!   in retrospect probably leaving hk was the worst thing that coulda happen to you-you are forced to make a choice as opposed to letting stuff drag on without confronting it as most of us like.

anyways on a differnt note, (if you'll allow me to hijack your thread for a sec), whats the best places on a tuesday night in wc?

I think most of us have been crazy, crazy in love at some point.  Sometimes the crazy in love feeling lasts for years.  So we are familiar with the emotion.

It's just that we are not experiencing it now, so us romance balanced 'bros can be all superior and laugh at your crazy ass.  

One thing that experience teaches though is that even the most intense emotion is not a permanent state.  Intellectually, you know that, right?

Ya Yazoo....

But 4 years?  

I left HK and didnt even tell her until I was gone.  Figured it was the only way.  Just cut it off.  I tried to leave it this way.  And failed.  It was rather cowardly of me to have left her that way, actually.

Anyway....

Four years of fucking other women (hundreds!) and still wishing it was her each time?  Four years of some rather intense GFE from other bar-girl regulars (Mai, C, Angelia, Sally, Lenny, Rachel) and still wishing it was her beside me?  You've seen me report on all of these regulars.  At various times I cancelled on ALL of them because Joann said she was free.  It was so tough for us to be together, so any opportunity was grabbed by us both. All of these ones, incidentally, told me they loved me (still do, actually) and want me to take them away.  Amazing times... but after each time with any of them she is back in mind within seconds of exiting.  Not my wife.., not some other dame...  her.  Joann.  Always.

The wacko thing is....  she is me.  A slut.  She enjoyed the lifestyle, and was absolutely top-shelf during her brief stint at the profession.  She had fun.  (Though clearly she was more femine than I, and certainly much hotter).  This is not a good thing, perhaps, but we simply "get" each other.  In ALL ways...  no secrets.  We had plenty of secrets as our relationship began... but they've all been outed.  We just cant stop talking.  And fucking.  And touching.  And laughing.  

Anyway.  You Bros, by now, have hopefulyl clearly seen that  my post here is a bit of therapy.  Just getting it all out in the only venue I can.  I cant tell anyone esle this stuff, right?

Hi wanders, I totally with u there! I am in a similar situation like u, hence the lack of reports within the past year lol

I had a similar situation that has finally drawn to a close after my nearly 5 years in HK away from my other love. I was engaged when I met her but the relationship didn't start until many years later. I fell in love the moment saw her when she walked into work looking for a job.

After seven years of hanging out, working and partying late into the night together, the flood gates opened one night in a road gig hotel room when we both admitted our mutual attraction to one another and how we had both kept our feelings to ourselves. We carried on for nearly 3 years without anyone knowing, and to this day nobody else knows. (Well now you guys do - this is the first I've ever discussed it).  We enjoyed the most intense sex, comfort and joy in each others company. We both agreed it was for the best when I left for HK. However, just like you, Wander, we couldn't stop. Skype, email, phone calls and secret sex when visiting the homeland was too much to resist.

The distance, however, will do it. Doghead, again, wisely mentioned the increase in fondness over distance but that fondness is also where the failure is because the expectations become disconnected. The first few times I returned it was just as good as ever but after while the short time together was never enough and we could never be together long enough to rebuild the fun. We both began to fear the pain of leaving and pretty soon always "leaving for HK" became too much to bear. Finally during the last visit home she said she was tired of crying. We're both content in knowing how much we care but never want to cause each other any pain so we keep a pleasant distance. She is a big girl and I know she can move on. I'm not as settled but chasing the WG and DH girls helps a little as does a maturing relationship with wifey (nice contradiction huh?).

I know you may not want to get over your GF, and perhaps you shouldn't and you should jump in with both feet, but if she stays away it will eventually calm down.

A similar tale indeed.

And yeah.., I know it WILL eventually fade if we continue this way.  Either with me first, or her first..., but it will happen.  I had this conversation before when I discussed this topic.  The answer I had then remains the same, "I dont want it to fade.., who would!?!".  The fact is, we make our choices in life; I CAN change the outcome if I choose to.  I can have her with me.

Just that the choice is difficult as it has consequences beyond just me and her.  Two families afftected in a profound way.

Anyway, someone here said something perfectly accurate.  My move from Hong Kong forced the issue.  We could have just kept doing what we were doing for lord knows how long.  Meeting a few times per week.  Enough to get our fix.  But then I move...  and the decision-moment arrives ---  either all in, or all out, because skype sex and phone calls are no substitute; and a long distance electronic relationship is not a relationship - might as well be a random webcam gal.

So.  My dilema is reaching a critical point.  I told her yesterday I wont do this much longer.  There is no middle ground that works in this case... we are either "all in" or we "fold" as friends and move on.  Time to make decisions.

Hi Wander,

You can take the girl out of the bar but can you take the bar out of the girl?

I don't know the full situation but I suggest tread carefully.

Reading your post it sounds like the decision has been made.
I hope everything works out the way you want it to.

Perhaps relocate back to HK to avoid confronting the issue.

Take care,
Obe

quick question wander, if you decided to go All In with her, would you stop all of your mongering activities? She knows that you do it.. would she be ok for you to go out and have your fun once in a while as long as you come back to her in the end?
if the answer is yes.. than maybe it will work for both of you.. since there's an understanding on how thing wont turn around immediately the moment you two hook up.

although i would probably advise to stick with your family... but hey... in my opinion, if you don't go ahead.. all that thought of "What if..." is going to erode your relationship with your wife eventually..and in the end.. you might lose both instead...
Just make sure you don't regret your choice...

Well, I can't predict the future, but I can take actions to direct my own.  Will I never monger again?  I wouldn't say that, but I do know she's the only gal I cancel other gals for.  

Anyway... I just bought myself some time.  A change at work just came up that would make it difficult to make such a life transition immediately.  Maybe this is a good thing.  More time away, and time to think.

sounds like buying time is very useful ... more time to reflect, try to recognise and anticipate trends ...

Personally I try to do things progressively whatever direction I'm going, and if the implications are complicated it pays to take small steps

of course, they can be fast steps even if they're small

not going to preach, you know all the advice, and the best advice is to script your own story yourself