1.  When I was born, I was given a choice:  A big dick or a good memory...
      I don't remember, what I chose..

2.  Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3.  A wife is a sex object.   Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4.  Impotence:   Nature's way of saying:  'No hard  feelings.....'

5.  There are only two four letter words that are  offensive to men:
    'don't' and 'stop', unless  they are used  together.

6.  Panties:   Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

7.  There are three stages of sex in a man's life:  Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

8.  Virginity can be cured.

9.  Virginity is not dignity, its lack of  opportunity.

10.  Having sex is like playing bridge...  
      If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

11.  I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small...

12.  Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13.  Q:  What's an Australian kiss?
      A:  The same thing as a French kiss, only down  under.

14.  A couple just married were happy with the whole thing.
      He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.........

15.  Q:  What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life?
       A:  Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't.

16.  Q:   Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
       A:  Breasts don't have eyes.

17.  Despite the old saying:  'Don't take your troubles to bed'.
      Many men still sleep with  their wives!!