There are different philosophies of massage ... some of the Chinese styles seem to be especially brutal, and I'm left wondering why ...
Yes, some of the best massage I've had has been the most painful - case in point I recently went to a foot massage, and realised it's been nearly two years since I last did one: it was excruciatingly painful, as I recall my first experience was, but the followup a week later was nothing like as bad.
Good massage will improve circulation, both blood flow, and lymph, and in the process clean out some of the toxic products of natural body functions. If a lot has accumulated, or there's a blockage, it's much more painful than if you get massage on a muscle that's already relaxed. In my favourite massage moments, it's felt a lot like squeezing stuff out of a toothpaste tube
Personally I try to be 'active' when receiving a massage - rather than just lie down and respond passively, I concentrate my attention on deliberately relaxing whichever muscle is being touched. I notice if I don't do this, the muscle often has a tendency to tense up in response to a firm touch, in defense against the intrusion. By contrast if I make an effort to relax it, after the pressure it feels a lot more relaxed than if I allowed it to tense up during the pressure.
All that is just a suggestion - very much a contrast to your "tense up then relax by contast" principle
I'm very interested to hear other people's approach to receiving a massage!