First time I decided to go out and have drinks with a Hong Kong girl.

It was not a date, we were friends who decided to meet up.  She is an attractive woman and we are enjoying each others company, she mentioned a friend would come, she came later, she was also attractive and a bit sexy.

After a drink, The sexy friend (I met her for the first time) wanted to head to some bar where she knew some people.  The girls went to the washroom and I paid the bill.

When they came out, they did not even verify the bill was paid, there was no acknowledgment of the bill at all.  I thought that was odd.

Taxi, same thing.  2nd bar same thing.  3rd place it was me, the initial HK girl and a new girl who had access to some private club.  Again I bought several drinks for my friend and not even a gesture was made to pay.

This is not a good friend, just a women I met with a few times, had lunch with once(she did offer to pay then).

I'm not trying to sound like a cheap ass, but in the U.S. If a guy friend is paying the lady friend will offer or at least be appreciative.  If it's a date it's a different dynamic.

I'm not a saint, if I had the opportunity I'm sure I would go after this chick, but it was fairly understood this was a friend thing and there was pretty much zero opportunity to exchange fluids.

It's not just the lack of thank you but it almost seemed like there was an attitude in the sexy friend like "you should be privileged to be hanging out with me...".  Maybe not, but the minimal acknowledgement threw me off.

Was I a chump?  I blew a bunch of cash and I'm not in a girl's bed at 4:30am but typing on a message board.  I wasnt expecting to be either but something isn't right.

Is it a culture thing? A girl isn't expected to pull out her wallet when a guy is around and it's understood so the girl doesn't need to say thanks or anything.

Is it a HK hot girl thing?  If the girls are attractive enough they just expect everything to be paid for and the guy should just be happy to tag along?

I dunno, but it wasn't a date so why would I be EXPECTED to pay for everything.

[ Last edited by  mchk at 10-4-2011 05:17 ]

The only times a girl has offered to pay for me, ironically was when I met up with a WG off work.
Seems like WG usually know the value of money.

She sounds abit stuck up honestly.

In HK theres a slang term, thats kinda funny for that. "gong zhu bang" - 公主丙 (princess sickness)

In the US it is not like this. A girl will at least offer to pay part or show appreciation and gratitute. I dated a girl from Guangzhao and she was just like you described. Would disapppear when it came time to pay for anything and never acknowledge that anything had ever been paid. Never said thanks even once.

if we're talking about 'princess sickenss' ... we should also be talking about 'prince sickness' !

with due respect to the OP due to cultural differences ... but just because a man buys a girl a few drinks ... is she really expected to go and sleep with him ?

In short this is a problem with girls in HK.

Dump the bitch and find another "friend" with a possibility to exchange fluid or not.

Girls that take things for granted should not be treated well.

I don't mind paying for things but at least pretend to make the effort to try to pay or a simple thank you would be nice.

No... I feel why you are here typing at 4am.
You are too nice to have blown a load of cash of them.

[ Last edited by  Avatar at 10-4-2011 10:16 ]

BINGO!!

And I'm probably of the old HONG KONG school - and I really am not of the A-A Jai school of thought. (@@ paying their own fair share)

A-A jai - with a girl - is just too petty, reeks of cheap, ungentlemanly and lacking of the usual Hong Kong social graces.  And this IS, after all, Hong Kong - so when in Rome.....

Again just IMHO

SEAJ
Edit Ps - errr.. You DID ask for opinions! LOL!

[ Last edited by  SEAJ at 10-4-2011 11:31 ]

Hmm, in my admittedly limited non-WG "dating" experience in HK, I've gone out with 5 girls (3 HK girls, 2 expat) but didn't have the unfortunate encounter you did.

4 girls (both expats, two local HK girl) offered/insisted to pay for at least part of the bill (dinner or drinks) although in 3 cases, I insisted on paying, over their friendly objections. All 4 girls were hot, with one of the local girls being very very very hot. Unfortunately, at the time, it was clear that it was just a friendly dinner/drinks without further action.

The 3rd local HK girl wasn't as hot but was decent looking, and didn't offer to pay at all. However, she did indicate (subtly at first, and less subtly later) that she was open to spending the night with me. I ultimately didn't take her up on her offer (preferred to hang out and drink with one of hot expats instead), but I might do so one of these days, as she indicated her offer has no expiration date.

These were not chance encounters at bars, but rather people I had met elsewhere, and whom I had asked out for a dinner or drink date.

Maybe we run in different social circles, but the girls I meet, even the hot ones, usually make some effort (even if it's half-hearted) to pay for something. Those who don't usually offer something else in return.

Read about this guy in the Sunday SCMP.

Gung Jyuh Behng:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geuqYUVerQ0

Have a laugh.

Yes totally agree with SEAJ, buying a few drinks for girls on a night out is similar to holding the door open for a girl... just courtesy. Like SEAJ said, being a gentleman. Possibility of sex isn't the main criteria of gentlemanly behaviour.

Although if there is a feeling of being taken advantage of, next time just hold the bill up and say "it's $100 each please". Never get taken advantage of mate!

As for the "princess sickness", it's a lot about how children are brought up in HK. Girls are usually spoiled by their parents and get everything they want. They think they are very special and expect their partners to do the same. Sometimes those demands are excessive and unreasonable, leading to crazy rows and guys dumping their asses onto the pavement.

In HK girls are also usually more dependent of their partners than their western counterparts, and that reflects on their behaviour.

I don't like that spoiled brat behaviour either but it is a lot about how the culture is here in HK.

No, not a chump.., probably just a decent guy being abused by an ungrateful woman.  Wont be the first or last.

If she doesnt have the decency to say thanks even once for your generosity then say goodbye!  She is not worth your time.  If you are dating her I assume you might be after a real relationship - not just a bit of play.  Right? If so, she's already shown her cards - if she wanted you and respected you she would have ackonwledged your contribution to her evening.  Trust me.., if she was hot on you she would have made you feel her appreciation.

Move on...

Paying for 1 girl's drinks/taxi/etc is no big deal, but I think if her friend friend is involved then it might start crossing into chump territory. If she knows that you're loaded (at least more loaded than her), it's expected for you to pay for both of you to have a good time, but strangers shouldn't know this...

just different culture.

if i go out with ladies.. whether they are just platonic friends, colleagues or sex objects..
i will definitely pay.

if they object, or take out their purses..
i will feel insulted.

this girl sounds like a user, i would agree with most, if not all, of the fellow bro's comments but dont be put off meeting other girls in HK, they are not all like that.... maybe a bar or a nightclub isnt exactly the best place to meet a nice easy going girl.

also in the chinese culture, it is normal for the guy to pay for everything.... but only if its a date with a possibility of having a future etc.... but if its only a friend and clearly that shes not interested in being ANYTHING MORE than a friend then dont offer to pay, you'll soon see the "real" side of her

Bro - if you had the feeling you were being taken advantage of - then you probably were. trust your instincts.  Live and learn. Not all women are like that - and me coming from the uk, I can tell you there are women who behave like this there too. They go out and deliberately take no money with them - just a skimpy dress, high heels and a bag for her mobile and keys and the poor bro is handing over cash left right and centre to barmen, waiters and cab drivers and often has to go home and wank at the end.

In the right cultural context of a date then fine I'm all for the guy being a gentleman - but when it's clear the woman is just making you foot the bill for her night out…and with her mate, and without a little thank you at least then that is nothing less than taking the fucking piss - in which case we can take another card out of the cultural pack of behaviour stereotypes - the take no shit from women male - and tell the bitch to get her fucking purse out and cough up the cash. Sure many girls are spoilt and have expectations - but it don't hurt to give them a harsh reality check.

On the other hand - back in the uk - I've known guys who get the girls to pay for everything!

Don't worry bro, I'm sure most of us have been a chump at some time or other.

If you get that feeling again, bro, make an excuse and leave asap and go spend your money on a lovely HG or WG and enjoy yourself and write a nice happy report afterwards to let the bros know!

Speaking as a gweilo ...

YES it is a cultural thing.  To those of us used to different cultures, it is somewhat bemusing how HK girls expect guys to pay for everything.  And no, they don't feel obliged to do anything other than show up and try to look pretty.  That's what their mothers and girlfriends told them to do.  
It just is what it is, no point ranting about it.  

So you have a simple choice: do you accept the terms?  Or do you limit who you date with?  

You're only a chump if you thought she agreed to a deal that she didn't deliver on.  But it doesn't sound like you either expected to sleep with her, nor did you ask her to share the bills at any time.  

The GOOD side of this princess sickness is it greatly reduces the field by eliminating guys from contact with girls unless they can afford to pay, thereby tilting the tables in favour of rich geeks.  It also lets you very quickly get a feel of whether the girl is likely to show cultural sensitivity: if she goes 'dutch' at your first meeting or offers to pay for your second one, you know she's aware of the issue and is making a proactive choice to reach out to you.  If she shares the bill it's because she wants a foreigner not just a HK-style walking wallet as a partner, and is demanding to be treated as an equal.  

The situation's not at all unique - the combination of any two cultures has its own unique pitfalls, and its own unique benefits ...

Same in the UK - it is principal for me! To a tleast say thank you or something. If by the second bar they had not even bothered to offer any money, escpecially the taxi I would have left them to it and made my own way somewhere else.

I have been dating my S.O for over three years now - we do not see each other a lot and she offers to pay her own way. She has a friend that comes out sometimes who has "Princess Sickness" - I paid for her the first few times but she would not acknowledge it, not even a thank you. I told my S.O that she can pay for herself from now, I would not let me S.O pay for her either. We both work full-time and she does not! Why she we pay for them?

My debate is not whether you pay or not - I always pay and expect to pay.  My debate is that I expect good manners from any girl I would ever see twice - they can at least say "thanks for the great meal" or whatever.  That's all.  Girls who feel "entitled" won't see any more of my cash - I'll leave these snakes for the others.  Hell, every WG I've taken to dinner or drinks ALWAYS say thanks, and say it like they mean it - and these are Asian girls too, so I don't buy the "cultural" arguement at all.  They are just not into you and showing it by being rude.  

IMHO.

If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.

Did you expect her to pay?  When she called her friend, did you expect her to pay?  When you went from bar to bar or tab to tab, did you expect her to pay?

Definition of insanity is repeating the same behavior and expecting different results.

I'm just saying, if she is a bitch, shame on her.  If you keep chasing her, shame on you. (unless you want a bitch)

Hold your head, up be a man pay the bill and move on.

You did the right thing, take the high road.

However if you go back for more and are still confused, you will be a chump.

Che'lu

I think this 'cultural thing' in the 21st Century - where women are starting to earn as much and even more than men sometimes and hell even in Wimbledon Tennis Championships the ladies get the same prizemoney as the men though they play fewer sets - is fading, albeit slower in this part of the world.

Lets face it Bros - women want equal terms in the work place - well why the hell not in a bar/club/restaurant/taxi too, huh?

It's true though - WGs seem a lot more appreciative when you take them out or give them gifts. I read somewhere once that whores make the best wives. I wonder if any bro could confirm that!