Ok, I hope the readers here won't feel like this is an odd question to post here - but its a serious question I have been contemplating. I was wondering what your opinions might be about trying to meet women in china/hk for a long term relationship - marriage? For an american born chinese guy that is (if it matters for context). I've had a few long term, but unsuccessful, relationships here in the US and was possibly considering the idea of trying to find a mate overseas.

I know it might seem a little silly of me asking relationship questions on a forum board that focuses on WG's but I also think that this place would also be a good source of information and opinions. Many of you seem married and are well traveled between western countries and HK/China, and as such - would be much more familiar with the cultural differences and perhaps the dating scene as well.

Many of my relatives here in the US tell me not to do it, that I can't trust overseas women - that they're shady and most will just want to get the green card and divorce asap. But I'd imagine some of you might be western born and perhaps met/married a women in China - what are your experiences?

A very broad question, bro

My experience is good, in that i;ve dated several short-term and now one long-ish term. To generalise abt such a large population in China would be fruitless, there are some gems out there is all i can say. Many HK ppl are prejudiced against PRC ppl/women.

Just have an open mind and good luck.

Most of the guys here, overseas, Taiwan, HK, Singaporean, etc, have heard and/or read stories of ladies in China who marry for the passport before divorcing their man. Yet being typical over-confident guys, all these stories do not keep us away from dating these girls.

Ironically you are worried that these mainland or HK girls will divorce soon after getting their passport, yet you seem to forget that 50% of all marriages in the USA already end in divorce. I know, I know, you want to minimize that possible divorce rate from mainland girls from 100% to that USA average of 50%.

First, you have to come here and get a permanent job. Second, you should live a very low-key (non-materialistic) life. Third, you have to go date a few mainland and HK girls to get an idea of that vast cultural gap that exists between them and you.

Finally, when you think you have found that right one, you will have to test her by telling her that you intend to stay in Asia forever and never return to USA.   If the girl really loves you, she will not mind that you never return to USA as long she can be with you everywhere. In fact she will be happy as she will be close to her family. But if the girl is looking for a passport, she will be trying every trick, guile, charm to convince you to go home so she can get that passport.

If you are rich, the passport may not be the only things your ex-wife get after a speedy divorce. You have lose half your fortune to her too. And that would include a monthly maintenace to her till god knows when.

this may be relevant but no one's mentioned so I'll throw it out; how is your Mandarin and/or Cantonese?

This makes more sense than anything.

Picking up China girls is ridiculously easy, finding a good one is your dilemma.  I've had success stories and I've had disasters amongst friends , ABCs included.  I pick up China girls for a good fuck, BBFS, etc... I do the same in HK but it costs a lot more and a lot more time spent as well as money.  Picking up "nice" non-partime WG pinays are a different story.  I'm lucky to have found an ABC wife like myself, but I love to play in Asia.  If you asked me to marry one from Asia?  Nah.... it would never work.  Too much cultural clashing going on there.

Thanks everyone for the great advice and insight. Sorry that the question was a bit broad. I just had this idea rolling around in my noggin for a while now and its a bit general as I don't know where to start or how to even narrow down specifics.

To answer a question posed earlier - I speak cantonese decently I would say. I can carry on a conversation without filling in english words too often, but I do find my language skills are deteriorating quickly as I use canto less and less now. My mandarin is non-existant unfortunately. So if I were to go overseas to meet anyone, I'd probably have to stick around HK/Guangzhou/Guangduong areas.

Doghead, you bring up some excellent points. What would really be required is for me to work and stay overseas to familiarize myself with the cultural differences/gap. I can't go periodically waving money and my US passport around, as I would obviously be setting myself up for passport chasers. However such a setup is not too appealing to me - I have a good job here in the US and have a house as well. I don't think I'll be uprooting for a gamble like that.

As sexpert put it best - perhaps I'll just play in Asia and stick to the US for long term relationships.

[ Last edited by  netlan at 25-1-2011 14:22 ]

Go Expat - it's probably the ultimate way short of travelling in and around Asia

Working in HK and living in HK can be pretty hard if you are used to big spaces, but if you're adaptable, outgoing and pretty confident, there's no risk at all! Everyone pretty much goes out all the time and if you just go out with the frame of mind of meeting people, you meet a hell of a lot of people!

I'd agree with the comments above though. I'm ABC, pretty aussie so I have a western attitude which the girls kind of love, that mix of good and good ;) - I do find some asian women become to passive in relationships which is not what I want. So the culture on culture thing can work for or against you. If she's wanting to be more western, but you like being asian, it could be rough There are however ALOT of Expats in HK, so chances are you'd be mixing with ABC's from somewhere!

While you do meet a lot of people, and if you have a reasonable status, the thing I get annoyed with is trying to work out who your real friends are, or is it just networking.

There's a lot of give and take. Ultimately if you're not confident, I'd say you could end up in HK staying at home all the time. The real benefit then would be the punting which is so easy, you'd better be discipline.

Personally, i loved it and it's probably the one reason why I was single for so long I have  lot of friends who moved to HK though, and a quite a few relos!

This site was pretty good for info:
http://www.orientexpat.com/hong-kong-expat/gweilo-life