Hey guys,

is very nice to find this forum in the net. I dont know if this discussion happens often here but I think it´s always difficult the first time.

I have the phantasie to try out some WGs in macau espescially in the saunas. This is really what I want to try. I am married but I am also a proffesional poker player so
my wife would let me alone go to macau and let me " work ".

The problem is ... I dont know how I will feel after I made it. Do you guys feel guilty for that what you did ? Or are you guys all single in this forum ?
I would like to know how much married man are in this forum and how the solve this problem about the mindset and the moral aspect.

In my opinion all guys want more than 1 wife even they are happily married and love their wife. But having sex and love someone are two different things for me.
I know that my wife will never accept that I go to WGs from time to time. So what I want to know is what you guys do and in which kind of situations you are.

Thanks
Almundo

happily married with great kids. WGs for me is R&R, like playing golf, swimming, having drinks with friends, etc. there's nothing to it for me and no emotional attachments.

Everyone has their own justifications.

- "Oldest profession in the world"
- its sex, not love
- its a service, i pay for a "massage"
- i dont kiss them.
- my partner doesnt do enough in this department

etc etc

Everyone has to answer the question for his own. And as we are quite international here, it might strongly be dependent on the cultural background, your age, your relationship…
Even in Europe there are huge differences from country to county on the percentage of married men cheating her wife.  
You can minimize the risk that your wife will find it out (not taking photos, no phone appointment and everything covered to minimize risk for STD)….
What remains is the question of moral and if you define it for yourself as “a crime” then do not start, but if you define it yourself as “a game” then go ahead.
Simply your own decision….

I think that if you are already asking this question that you will feel very guilty after you commit the act.

Most men feel guilty for cheating on their wives, whatever their mindset (game, recreation, sin, work, etc), it just depends how deeply it affects them.

The happiest marriages I've encountered are either where the partners are monogamous, or both are engaged in an open relationship.  You will find that a lot of Asian wives espouse a mentality of "out of sight, out of mind", but secretly they are pissed at their husbands are cheating on them.  I mean, flip the situation, and let me know how that feels for you.

That being said, most of the men I know, married or not, look for multiple sex partners.

Temptation is everywhere, and to sin is human!

The decision to do "it" or not is of course up to yourself.
But, if you do decide to do it, I'd suggest the following 4 rules to follow:

1. Don't ever let her know, don't ever confess, even if the "evidence" is totally damning;  If you ever confessed, then there's no turning back. If you stand your ground that you've never been unfaithful, then she not only could possibly have doubts - but she at least has a straw of hope that the marriage is still worth it.  You confess, she'd not have any reason or justification to herself.
2. Don't ever let her loose face - this is important not only for her but also for your family as a whole.  Meaning, Don't ever screw around if there is a possiblity that her friends, relatives etc would know.  You must want to know that your wife and family have pride - as respect for your family is paramount to a man's responsilbity and duty.
3. Don't ever get involved too romantically with your playthings.  They are ONLY your playthings, whether paid for or not - and you don't want your plaything to screw up your family and every thing you've worked for.  NOT worth it - and much better to get to a newer/better model if the old plaything restricts your independence in the matter.
4. Make sure you NEVER get any STD's;  keep yourself totally safe and if there's accidents etc i.e. broken condoms etc. get yourself fixed immediately.

SEAJ

Good advise SAJ.
Almundo, punting is a bit like rolling the dice. Every throw (punt) has the chance of snake eyes (getting caught).
It is your choice to throw the dice.

Play it safe, always be conscious of your surroundings and what you are doing.

SEAJ has raised some excellent points.  If you choose to stay loyal (for now), good for you, but men's eyes always wander - human instincts. If you choose to have a session, good for you, and remember to report. Sharing is caring.

Ask your wife directly, whether she allows you to do so. Its my honest. I did. Open to her, you dont wanna cheat her, but have the phantasie in your mind of doing....  

Women are more cautious about mental cheating. Men are more about corporal cheating. This was proven by psychologist several times already. This is for evolutionary reasons. Men are scared to pay for a child which is not their own -> hate corporal cheating. Women are scared to lose their financial support to grow up the child -> hate mental cheating which often results in quitting the relationship. Independently whether there are childs or not already this behaviour is in our mind.

Whenever you definitely point out to her it is ONLY about sex she might agree. Point out VERY clear you dont want to leave here or are missing anything. Its just a very basic, archaic demand of all men.

I did so, and can happiliy say my wife agreed. It's a luxury to go punting without any feel of guilt. If i just had more money

Wow,

I think you have a very unique situation. I would never ask my wife I think if you do she will never trust you after that. If you ask she will feel like you have cheated already and watch you where ever you go.


If you want to try it do it once and see how you feel. If you feel guilty just don't do it again and consider it a learning experience

Hey guys,

first of all thanks for the many answers. it´s really an amazing forum with many great members.

Sure I know that having sex with other girls/woman is very normal and had nothing to do with any mental relationship. Like Mickeyblue says is all because of the evolution. 99 % of the animals are not living with 1 partner anyway.

But this forum shows me clearly the experience of other married man. Thanks for that and thanks to SEAJ this will help me alot.

My wife is asian and very jealous so there is no chance to speak with her about this and she will never agree to this so I dont need to ask her. I think Mickeyblue got a very unique situation which is maybe 5 % of all other situation which goes in a positiv way.

I will try it in the next year and see how I feel. But I am also worried about getting to addicted what then ? If I have to go every 3 months to macau it will look super. Also what will happens to the sexual life between me and my wife does it has any negative aspect ? ( For example husband dont want to sleep with their wifes anymore ) ... Does this happen ?

Maybe I am to cautios in this section of life and maybe many of you guys say " do it Almundo, dont be a chicken " but I think I have to plan everything because it can be a road of no turning back.

Thanks for the next answers
Almundo

Under NO circumstances should you do what mickeyblue suggest you do - IMHO!

Most wives really couldn't care less what you physically do (ESPECIALLY if you follow all my 4 rules for then there is NO difference to her if you're really out working or screwing somebody else - think about it!) but they really do mind if they think that they've lost you emotionally - for when the emotion is gone, the person is also lost to the marriage union.

Another codicil to my 4 rules though is that you must continue or even be a better husband to her when you are with her - which BTW - should NOT be a difficult thing to do as you now have already cleared all the "cobwebs" from your system (the pure physical part of your male sexuality).  

This will allow you to learn to REALLY love her for much more than the pure physical part of her - which come-on guy - admit it; that what attracted you to her in the first place is THAT (most of us are like THAT - LOL!).  You'll find your wife as wonderful a person as she is a great lay! Really!

But to do what mickeyblue suggest (sorry mickeyblue - don't mean to ...??? your advise to OP - but giving my POV which unfortunately just happens to be diametrically opposed to yours!) you will destroy the very essence of what a marriage is all about to a woman. Exclusivity, devotion, trust, nurture and a comfortable feel of belonging to somebody she cares about - and that you also do belong to her under the same terms!  Women cain't think much more than that!!  Really!

Just my POV

SEAJ
sp. edits

[ Last edited by  SEAJ at 7-11-2010 10:17 ]

Thanks SEAJ and all other for the good answer / experience.

But is it dangerous to get addicted to having fun with WGs ?

ROFLMAO!!

Yes, of course!  
It's easy to get addicted to all things good!

But you're worrying about running when you've not even taken the first step!

Moderation Bro, Moderation!
That's the key!
Life balance and all that.

And BTW - even "moderation" in marriages - too much exclusivity is NOT moderation IMHO!

LOL!
SEAJ

if i had used that approach, you would have read about me in the paper the next day ... I would have been a dead man - it worked for you (not sure how as women still want you to stay loyal and don't want to feel inadequate) but definitely not sth to advise other bros to do. Bad advice actually.

I suppose your SO sits home watching TV while you're out punting? Have you considered she might be doing the same thing?

With all due respect Bro, unless your SO is a cute Thai or Filipina Gal who's favourite place to go dancing with her girl friends is called Neptune II... I think it is fair to say you situation is VERY unique and not at all "typical". Do you know the name John Wayne Bobbit?

I am pleased your strategy worked for you but I dont think as a general "rule" it is good advice.

And for the OP of this thread... I also dont think a forum called SEX141 is the right place to get morality advice. We're quite a biased demographic.

[ Last edited by  TonyToro at 7-11-2010 15:35 ]

What my wife did while i was in HK i dont know in detail. She was at home. Of course the arrangement with my wife includes, that she may do the same. If she had done something similar or will do so, i will know about it, very sure . Fortunately she's rather looking for experience with another girl. . Also the idea came up to go to thailand together when our childs are a little more aged, that we can leave them alone or with relatives.

Btw she's european like me. And actually, when I returned from HK I hade a week of very good sex. Must by any kind of "reconquering" .

Of course all this caused a lot of discussions in before and after. But in the end we are just closer together than ever before. Maybe i could only ask her, since i already knew/expected how she would answer. We can talk about really everything. For me THIS is the essance of a good meriage and not the points SEAJ bring up here. Further i cant follow your idea of "trust" SEAJ ;).  But reading all others here... it seems i'm a verly lucky guy.

Thanks for your reply - and indeed you ARE a lucky guy.  
And I REALLY do wish you all the best for the future - but I can see so many things going wrong.

The concept of marriage is of course exclusivity - and to me, involving anybody else within the framework of marriage is just too full of hidden dangers.  Yeah, you're probably saying - what about you? What about the gals on the side?

Well, yes I of course have "others" on the side - but such person(s)/relationships are definitely NOT within the sanctum of our marriage.

As far as trust is concerned - I'm just making do with what is available/the situation as it is;  the situation is that males are hound-dogs.  Period.

And as far as making do is concerned - well, no matter what I do on the outside, it does not/should not affect my marriage - as my outside activities is totally out of her realm...and our marriage.

Except for the part about being "exclusive to each other," I still live up to the rest of my marriage vows.  She's happy, I'm happy and our marriage still thrives.

Like I said though, my kudos to you - but I'd rather think that most marriages will NOT survive the conditions you and your wife has imposed upon it.   Except for the matter of keeping the family together for the sake of the children - what more is there in such an "Open" marriage? What's the difference with NOT being married? And "for the sake of the children" is also fraught with dangers/repercussions that may even backfire on the very kids you're keeping your marriage together for.

Respect and responsiblity - that is what I believe in marriage - and I am respecting my SO as best as I could manage - and I certainly do live up to my responsiblities to her and my family.

Just my POV - which I certainly do not want to impose on anyone else.

SEAJ
sp./typo edits

[ Last edited by  SEAJ at 8-11-2010 11:37 ]

I have been visiting WG's for around 4 years now. The first two years I was single as I had recently split up from my fiance.

I have been with my SO for 2 years now and when we were first together I didnt punt for a long time, the first time I did it again I did feel guilty, but my friends all did it and still do. They say exactly what the bro's say, just R&R - they work hard, long hours and to them it is just a way to let off some steam.

I am lucky if I see my SO twice a week and if I do it is only for a few hours because we are just so busy. To me it is just a way to let off some steam and enjoy myself for an hour. The guilt goes away.

You are a lucky guy!

My SO has brought up the point of a 3 some to me a couple of times but I just cannot bring myself to do it! Girl or Guy!

I think I would knock the guy out and I just think even with the girl it would just not be the same afterwards.