There's this old man and woman - both widowed, both just enjoying each others company in their later years.

As they got on better and better the man finally suggests that they go away on holiday together.

"Ooh that would be lovely" she replies.

So off they go to sunny Spain.

On the third night there - they're at the bar, the mood is very romantic so she suggests that he comes back to her room for a night cap.

Soon they're both sat on the bed talking, the night cap takes effect and the woman suggests that he spend the night with her.

Undressed and in bed and cuddling, the conversation takes a surprise turning when the woman blurts out "do you know the thing I miss most about my Alfred? Oral sex! He used to go down on me and stay there for hours!"

Shocked the man keeps quiet.

"Would you like to go down there...............?" she asks.

"OOOH - that would be lovely" he says and scarpers down under the covers.

Not 10 seconds later he's back up gasping for breath.

"Whatever's the matter" she asks.

"I don't want to sound rude or offensive" he replies, "but I can't stay down there a moment longer - it STINKS!"

"Oh that will be my arthritis" she responds.

"Arthritis???? Down there??? I'm sorry dear but you can't get arthritis down there!!"

"No No No" she replies "Not down there - in my shoulder!"

"In your shoulder? How can that make it smell that bad?" he shrieks.

"Well" she says "I haven't been able to wipe my arse for three years!!!"