A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.

If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.

Illusion is the first of all pleasures.

It is always a silly thing to give advice, but to give good advice is fatal.

One can survive everything, nowadays, except death, and live down everything except a good reputation.

The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself.

The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing.

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.

My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's.

I can resist anything but temptation.

Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.

What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to?

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

Never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software.

Sex... the pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable.