The Al Gore Virus causes your computer to just keep counting and counting.

The Clinton Virus gives you a 7-inch hard drive with NO memory.

The Bob Dole (aka: "Viagra") Virus makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.

The Lewinsky Virus sucks all the memory out of your computer, then emails everyone about what it did.

The Ronald Reagan Virus saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

The Mike Tyson Virus quits after two bytes.

The Oprah Winfrey Virus shrinks your 300mb hard drive to 100mb, then slowly expands it, to restabilize around 200mb.

The Jack Kevorkian Virus deletes all old files.

The Ellen Degeneres Virus disks can no longer be inserted.

The Prozac Virus totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.

The Joey Buttafuoco Virus only attacks minor files.

The Arnold Schwartzenegger Virus terminates some files, leaves, but will be back.

The Lorena Bobbitt Virus reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows.

The X-Files Virus makes all your icons start shape shifting.

The Spice Girl Virus has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop.

The Tim Allen Virus appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact.

With the Sonny Bono Virus, just when you get surfing the web, a firewall appears out of nowhere.

The Martha Stewart Virus takes all your files, sorts them by category and folds them into cute little doilies to be displayed on your desktop.

The AT&T Virus tells you every three minutes what great service you are getting.

The MCI Virus reminds you every three minutes that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.