I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

1. I do physical labor.
2. I work at great depths.
3. I plunge head first into everything I do.
4. I do not get weekends and holidays off.
5. I work in a damp environment.
6. I work in a dark area that has poor ventilation.
7. I work at high temperatures.
8. My work exposes me to diseases.

Dear Penis, After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have raised, the management denies your request for the following
reasons:

1. You do not work 8 hours straight.
2. You work in short spurts and fall asleep after each brief work period.
3. You do no stay in you designated area, and are often seen visiting other locations.
4. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
5. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
6. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
7. You are unable to work double shifts.
8. You don't always observe the necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
9. You will retire long before age 65.
10. And if that were not enough, you have constantly been seen entering the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Management