The family is sitting at the dinner table. The son asks his father,
"Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?"
The father, surprised, answers,
"Well son, there are three kinds of breasts.
In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round & firm.
In her thirties & forties, they are like pears, still nice, but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like onions."

"ONIONS???"

"Yes, when you see them, they will make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter says,
"Mom, how many types of "willies" are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers,
"Well, a man goes through three phases.
In his twenties, his "Willie" is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his thirties & forties, it's like a birch tree, flexible but reliable.
After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A CHRISTMAS TREE???"

"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."