Hi all,

I have a bit of a problem with a friend and I'm not sure what to do.

My friend is mid 40s, good job and moved to hk around 5 years ago. He is married with children but his wife and kids stay in his home country and he flies back ever month to 6 weeks.

We all head out together to wanchai quite a bit and have a few beers and sometimes the odd meeting with a bar girl.

Around a year ago my friend took a bar girl and fucked her, however he then carried on seeing her. Recently he has taken her on holiday with him a few times and takes her out for meals and shopping etc.

She is a nice girl but in her mid 20s and she is a working girl, she is in the bar every night and I know she goes with other guys. My friend gives her some money every month and must be aware of what she is like.

Now he is talking about leaving his family and settling down with this girl - what the fuck do I do? While he has a good job he is not rich and a divorce plus child support would impact his income.

Anyone have any experience or advice on this? Am I best talking to him or the girl? Is it worth getting involved at all? His mistress is posting photos of them on her facebook so I don't think it will be long before he gets found out

Thanks

Your friend gives her money every month and she is still in the bars every night going out with other punters. Your friend knows this and he is still willing to leave his family for her?

I don't have any experience in this situation, but maybe he should try dating her exclusively first before he makes any rash decisions about leaving his family.

If he is a good mate talk it over with him, point out all the facts and make sure he understands what's at risk and if he is aware she is still working. If he still plans on going ahead just bitch slap the dick until he wakes up

My guess is that your friend has simply got fed up with his wife and children or addicted to his single playboy life style in Hong Kong (or both). The bargirl is a factor, but I doubt your friend will really marry her after his divorce. Your friend has been a nice family man all his life. Now he has tasted some freedom, and he wants it.
To me, being alone in Hong Kong most of the year, while having a wife and children back home, seems like a good deal. Absolute freedom seems good now, but if you have to go back a painful divorce to get it, it will lose most of the fun.
But your friend is a grown man. It's up to him. I have seen many friends going through this phrase. My advice is not to talk to him, or the girl, at all because they are not likely to listen to your advice anyway.

Hmmm, I know the feeling. Very well. Some thoughts:

- if he is your good mate, and you barpunt together, then you are in a good position to talk to him about this. And I bet he wants someone to talk to about it.

- as mentioned earlier, the single-expat-playboy in HK lifestyle can be VERY addictive. This young hottie is throwing lustful, ego-boosting attention at him that he likely hasn't felt in years. It is hard not to like. His "real" homelife (and wife) likely seems boring and stale by comparison. But its a false reality both ways -- seeing the worst in his "old family-man life" and the best in the single-stud life.

- does he know she is still a WG, or does he think she's quit?  Is she lying to him about it?  If she's lying you should say something -- he has the Wanchai Blinders on.  If he wants out of his marriage, fine, his call..., but if he's doing it because he's smitten and being deceived by a WG that is something else.  If you KNOW she is still working and banging other bros, and he believes otherwisem I think you should tell him.

- does he know she's posting pics of him on her FB?  How do you know, by the way?  You close to this gal?  

For a middle-aged western family man, being free to play all the time in the Wanchai experience can really toss a man off the rails. Suddenly you are a rockstar - Babes are throwing themselves at you - not just for a one-nite paid romp, but for your passport and ability to change her whole life.  It can absolutely get under your skin.

So yeah... You seem well-positioned to have a chat with the guy, and I think you should.

PS:  I had a good mate to chat to when I went head-over-heels for my beloved Joann (a former filipina Bargirl (she's married now)) and I am mighty glad I did.  He knew and played in Wanchai, so he could relate.  Very helpful. There was nothing he said that I didn't already know, but it was useful just to share with a sympathetic ear.

-

[ Last edited by  wander at 13-8-2014 23:52 ]

He should ask for his money back to see if she really loves him. Most hardcore working girls won't do it but offer empty promises

Some good advice here many thanks, meeting him tonight for a beer so will let you know what is said

Yes I know the girl very well, probably better than my friend does but he won't listen to me. To be fair to the girl he doesn't give her enough money to stop working and she runs a few regulars rather than going with a different guy every night

To be fair though. A working girl never has enough money

Ok so caught up with him last night, he wasn't pleased to hear what I said and made excuses for every reason I told him it was a bad idea

So what do I do next? Talk to the girl or just leave it? I can see this ending very badly, another friend of mine said I should fuck the girl and tell him, while he would hate me for it, it would help him see sense - bit ott I think but not ruling it out

Ahh, this is exactly what I saw where I commented on your thread two days ago. I have seen it too many times. Highly successful men, responsible husbands and fathers, suddenly got a tattoo and moved to Thailand with a 22 year old chick. It's biologically impossible to talk these men out of their decisions, as they have lived their whole lives making right decisions in the past. I have tried doing what you are doing so too many times. Success rate: zero. It's their lives, and they are enjoying it now.
Just leave it. Don't interfere. If you love your friend, remember he will need someone to stand by him when thing falls into pieces.Someone he trusts and who he knows will not preach to him. That will be you. Show your worth then, not now.
Oh by the way, the worst possible thing is to tell his wife. Please please please don't do that - don't play with fire. But I trust you won't do that.

You've done your bit:  spoke your mind before he had too much invested in her. It might take a bitfor your information to bounce through his grey-matter... And maybe it never will... But it is HIS decision now. Not yours.

You've said your piece, so best you drop it and let him make his own mistakes OR find his own joy, as the case may be.

Take him macau and some sauna hopping. The best cure is to fuk a hotter girl

Ok so went a different way with this, got smashed on friday and fucked my friends girlfriend. What the fuck do I do? Shall itell him?

You really his friend?  Clearly he is not your close friend.

There is no universe where fucking your friend's girlfriend is okay. None. First Law of being a guy. Didn't you get the memo????  You can pretty much consider your friendship over once he finds out.

But this thread has just got REAL juicy!  So tell us more -- what led up to banging her??  You pay her?  Or you both drunk??  Where was he??  How was she?

This is the best soap opera I ever read. I guess my sauna hopping advise didn't happen. Well, dating any working girl is basically a free for all. Hell perhaps everyone on this board give her pearl necklaces

Wow! This thread is a roller coaster!

Have to agree with Wander... what type of mate fucks a mates GF, regardless of if she is a WG or not?

On one hand though, you probably saved your friend a lot of grief. On the other hand, you may have lost a friend.

Tell us more

Lemme get this straight. You banged the WG to prove to your friend that she isn't loyal? Incredible. Now, we are all waiting for the rest of the story!

Well short version goes as follows.

I went for dinner with my friend, his wife my so and a few others. My friends wife got drunk and started having a go at me for dragging her husband to wanchai - my so got very upset and my mate sat there and let me take all the flak. My so ran off, I left got very drunk and went to go find my mates mistress - she didn't take much persuading as she knew my mates wife was in town

So that's where we are at, haven't spoken to my so, the mistress or my mate since

I give you props for saving a family. Yeah you fuk his gf with questionable ethics but coming from a guy that grew up in a broken family due to dad's hobbies( like father like son) I wish my father got yired of the scene and took responsibility for the family

Sex after marriage can be difficult to come by. Life has a tendency to get in the way. Careers, kids, and well, let's face it. You've banged the same woman for the past umpteen years, and it's hard to find excitement. And then along comes new pussy. Someone who strokes your ego (among other things), someone who's ready, willing, and able. Someone who's probably a little younger, who's a little more fun, that's also maybe willing to do things your wifey won't.
Sorry, I don't mean you as in YOU.

You're getting attention that you weren't getting previously. But....Chris Rock makes a lot of sense.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wRQiVyMg5I

Haha....

I never TELL people what to do. But understand what he really wants. Maybe he doesn't even know. What's important to him? Is it just getting laid? Is it excitement? What's he willing to give up? Everything decision we make comes with sacrifice. What is he willing to sacrifice? And for what? What does he REALLY think he's going to get in return?
TELLING people what to do often pisses them off. You're not them. You're not in their shoes. How DARE you right? Nobody likes being told they're wrong. Soooo....let them come to whatever decision themselves.

Of course....maybe this girl IS his soulmate. Are you going to stand between your buddy and his soulmate? I know you've played with this pussy too. Yeah, don't bring that up EVER. haha.

All right. serious shit aside.....now that you've gotten a taste of what he wants to sacrifice his marriage for....you tell us. is the juice worth the squeeze? hahaha =)~

~UD