One of my friends did basically what I did a couple months ago and got hammered and had BBFS with a girl from Neptune 2.  He freaked out just like I did about STDS.  Fortunately, since I had just gone through it, I was able to direct him to the clinic I went to and he got himself and the girl tested.  He went again two days ago for a second round of tests since it's been about 2 months now and he's clean.  This thread is not about STDs at all.  That part's already resolved.

The problem is that he called me up and said he has a niggling worry that he can't shake.  He said that even though he pulled out before he came, he's worried that he might have gotten her pregnant since it was BBFS, and that the girl would have the baby and try to extort him for money or otherwise fuck up his life.  Perhaps this was residual stress from all the anguish from the STD worries.  Either way, my first take on it was that it was pretty fucking crazy, but I guess I'm obligated to make him feel better.  He's not a seasoned monger and pretty young, so maybe that's part of it.

The first thing I said was "even if you got her pregnant, she probably can't find you if you avoid Wanchai so who cares?", but then he let me in on two major, dumbass, rookie mistakes he made -

1)  He used his real cell phone to call her when he arranged to meet to go get tested
2)  He gave her his real first name

I think that's part of why he's freaking out.  So, after he told me that, I told him I'd think about it and get back to him.

So... here's my list of reasons why he can just forget about it.  Would like some commentary on my list to make sure it's all legit or if there's holes in the logic.  Also, if there are other reassuring things about the situation I can note, that would be helpful to get him down from the ledge.

1)  The chances of you actually getting her pregnant are pretty small.  She would have to have been ovulating, and even then, it's not a given that you would impregnate her with one bang.  I'm sure having pulled out brings down the odds a lot.  I know it's not foolproof though but it's not it's a huge likelyhood that you knocked her up.
2)  The hooker lifestyle is not conducive to successfully carrying pregnancies.
3)  Even if she has your real cell phone and real name, it would be difficult for her to get your address and find you.  I'm not sure if phone companies give that information out just because you have a name.  Perhaps you need some legal backing.  (I'm not sure about this at all... maybe someone with experience with stalkers knows this better...)
4)  If she got pregnant, most prostitutes would abort without telling you because there's so much downside.  Particularly if they are freelancers and supporting people back home, which a lot of them do.  Can't afford to not work.  (Not positive about this one either...)
5)  Even if she wanted to keep the baby, she would have a very hard time figuring out if it was you as the father, as she sleeps with tons of guys and can't be sure a condom broke somewhere else or something like that.  What's she gonna do?  Track down 50 guys and hope one of them is willing to take ownership?
6)  If she was pregnant, she definitely would have tried to contact you by now as it's been over two months.  She has his cell phone number.  I can't possibly see anyone waiting this long to find the father if they are after money.  She would probably want to lock that down early.
7)  She can't prove you are the father anyways until the baby is born and you do a paternity test, and it would be very difficult for a prostitute to get a judge to authorize that, I would think.
8)  If she wanted to keep the baby, the fact that she's a prostitute would probably make her an unfit mother and lose custody.  If she cared enough to have the baby, she probably would not want to risk losing the baby in order to get money from you.  (a lot of gprostitutes aren't all that smart though, so maybe this isn't that legit)
9)  End of the day, there's nothing you can do about it anyways.  If it happens, it happens.  Worrying about something that you have no control over is pointless.

Again, I think he's totally loopy for freaking out about this but given that I just freaked out when I had my bad BBFS episode, I feel for the guy and would like to reassure him about how truly out there this niggling worry is.  Anyways, any feedback would be appreciated.  Probably I'll let him be worried overnight for being a dumbass, and give my list tomorrow so he can get over it.  Thanks.

You're right that just having his real first name (or even full name) + phone number would not allow her to trace who he really is and to get a judge to order a paternity test. She would need to prove that a relationship existed and that sex occurred. The shitty thing for your buddy is that it seems that he went the clinic with her and got tested together. That info can be easily retrieved (if the law permits such information to be divulged to the courts) and is pretty much slam-dunk evidence to prove the sexual relationship. Thus if she really has a baby and wants to get child support, there's no running from the paternity test.

But all said and done, it's just highly unlikely that she's pregnant from that one night. I've made the same mistake with civvies a couple of times but it turned out ok. Not that I would want to tempt luck again though.

Cheers.

She would know by now, and would have been after him already if she planned on doing so...

#6 is the key why he shouldn't worry.  She probably lost his number a long time ago.  But if she were seriously smart she could go to the clinic and get his information since they went together.  I assume he paid.

You know after a few weeks. She would have missed her periods and she would have known and called him. Chances are your friend is fine!

Theres nothing there next time, no matter how drunk your friend will remember to wear a condom! ;)

I don't know if he paid but I assume he did.  That would be the normal procedure I guess.

Yeah, I really think #6 is the kicker.  You have to be pretty crazy to have a kid and then hope to spring it on someone, meanwhile changing your whole life in the process.

Thanks for the feedback guys.  I sent him my list of reasons why he should stop flipping out, and I told him that I posted it on a forum and #6 came back as by far the biggest reason why he should stop freaking.

One thing I would like to chew on some more is the whole "I screwed up and gave my real cell phone out and I'm being stalked" issue.  From what I have seen, it basically amounts to harrassing phone calls and texts.  Has anyone ever seen this escalate to the person finding out your address and showing up at your door?  Back in the US, we have reverse phone lookups but I believe those are only for landlines and businesses, not cell phones.  I'm not sure if that service even exists here.

Why not give it a test yourself? Google his number and also it's variations (with/out country code). Quite scary what results you can find sometimes. A buddy once got intoserious shit with his gf because she googled his number and found it posted on a forum that Freelance WGs advertise in.

Wow... your buddy... ouch...

I just tried my own number on google.  Came up with nothing.  Nice.  Back to whoring...

If she is pregnant then HK has jurisdictional arrangements with many countries for tracing parents and collecting child support. Here in OZ they can trace phone numbers and have many other powers and they do not even need warrants to obtain info from banks, employers and many other parties.

Similar arrangements exist in many countries and if she Is either a hk citizen or resident she can contact the hk child support authorities and have the father traced (or suspected father traced).

Of course the father can insist on paternity tests.

Sorry to put a spanner in the works but best to be aware of this.

Incidentally, in the Philippines, if a girl gets pregnant to a foreigner the baby is often referred to as a million dollar baby, her good fortune assuming she knows who the father is.

Teltel

[ Last edited by  teltel at 17-7-2012 19:06 ]