Bros, I really want to share my story here, but not sure if it is the right forum.

I am in my 40s in a decent paying job and in a loveless marriage where my wife only cares about her work and my in-laws. Sex has become non-existent as we now sleep in separate rooms. So I have been mongering for a few years to get my pleasure outside. So up to now it was always paying transaction and pure lust.

But recently I met a working girl a few months back from the mainland in her 20s who worked in a spa. The sex was amazing and she felt like my first love again. I kept seeing her frequently and eventually we both knew we kind of have feelings for each other. She lives in Shenzhen when she is not working so I started seeing her across the border initially just for the sex. But recently she has stopped working in the spa and told me wants to get a proper job in Shenzhen. The last few times I saw her it was more like dating. The reason why I can go up without the wife suspecting because my parents lives in Shenzhen and I have excuse to go and see them and spend the weekend.

The last month has really changed as I go up to see her to have dinner, go to the cinema, walk around the mall holding hands just like a couple. And then go back to her place to have the most amazing sex, but it is beginning to feel more like a real couple sex as I spend the weekends with her. She also works out in a gym and we have been a few times together to work out and also go to the pool in the club for a swim. All of this time she has not asked for any money. I just buy her meals and sometimes bring up some of her favourite food from HK.

I know this won't last as I am twice her age, but she and her friends all says I look like some 30 something guy and she enjoys being around me. Last week got even more interesting as she came down to HK for us to go to the temples together, and afterwards she asked me if I wanted to meet her aunt who lives in HK for dinner. Her aunt is also from China but seem quite well off, and she knows I am married but asked me to treat her niece nice.

So right now I am leading a double life as this girl is one of the few things keeping me happy and sane. Work is going great as I have great colleagues and a team around me. It's just the home front that sucks and somehow this girl makes me feel young again. I know if she starts to ask for money or I feel something weird I will just walk away. But right now I am happy and to be honest I didn't mind her working in a spa before.

This is the story I want to share and I just want to know if any bros have similar experience entering a relationship with a working girl or ex-working girl?

Good luck bro. Something is going to give eventually. Be prepared to be honest with yourself - Family or new relationship?

Your job might be smooth now but remember personal affairs will affect your work more or less. Good luck again.

I think you have it good and you should keep things on the home front just as they are.

1 You know your wife and she looks after you and is not out to ruin your life.

2 You are sleeping in separate rooms and that's a plus, You get the bed to yourself, can set the aircon to the temp you like and no one to interupt your sleep   

3 I'm sure your wife would not be pissed if she found out your mongering. ( she would if you get into a relationship though )



The things I would change is;

Don't see this girl as often and start punting with others more often.


The girl you have found is giving you that feeling when you go on a holiday and love it and say to yourself " I want to quit my job and move here "

Fucking up your life with your wife will bring much more hardship compared to the nice feelings you have now with this girl. Just remember you had the same feelings for your wife that you are now experiencing with this girl when you started out with her !

Are you barebacking the girl?

you should be very wary if you are..

Step back a moment. Have an objective look at the situation. While it is possible this is leading to "The Real Thing" (TM), it is important to rule out the possiblity it isn't first.

Young, attractive, friendly and great sex has an effect on the brain. It is supposed to, otherwise our race would die out. Are you seeing this for what it is? Even if you are, and she likes you, you may just be the best of the mongers she has met so far.

Also, many young asian women, while young and innocent in appearance, can be far more geared towards using their femininity to get ahead than non asians are used to. Given her (past?) industry, this is very much more likely.

Be VERY careful. Paying by the hour is far less costly in every sence than paying by the marriage.

As someone who nearly fell for this, you can still have great sex with your wife. It’s up to you to ask. Buy her some sexy underwear and ask her to wear it. Going back to my wife we had some incredible sex. It takes two to tango.

Thanks for everyone sharing their 2 cents.

First of all I want to clarify I have no intention of marrying her and she has no intention of staying in Shenzhen forever. So we are just enjoying the moment. Second, no money has been involved since we started seeing each other outside the spa in HK. Third I want make it clear that my wife and I have not had sex for 4 years now and the marriage happened not because I proposed to her, but because she kind of forced me to get hitched.

This girl I met is really different in many ways. Yes she was a working girl. But she shared her past with me. What really touched me last week was she showed me her wounds from her wrist when she nearly took her own life at her lowest point but she made it through and is now quite well off. When she showed me her wounds, I also showed her mine as I also nearly took my own life a few years ago and I showed her my wounds. We hugged each other and shared that sadness promising each other we would never give in and stay strong no matter what.

What has happened since we both told our mums that we are together and they both understand and approve. Even her aunt knows I am married but asked me to treat her well and don’t hurt her. Like I said it will just be a chapter in my life but I want this to be a happy chapter and treasure the memories we share together.

Two things I also want to make clear, I have no intention of divorcing my wife but there is no love left, and I have no intention of throwing my life away by trying to marry this girl now as it will be a messy ending. I just want to enjoy the moment!

Hey Rob, that is the exact problem. My wife is always tired and just lies on the sofa and sleeps at weekends. She doesn't like even the simple things like going to the cinema, concerts, dinner, holidays... the simple things that couples are suppose to do.

I am completely the opposite, I am active and go to the gym every day, I like wining and dining, drinking a good bottle of wine, going to concerts and just let my hair down and have a fun time (not Canto concerts, but like Maroon 5, Bruno Mars etc...). I like going on holidays and experience different cultures and food. But she doesn't like to do any of this. She seems to have her own life and her own group of friends and is a workaholic. I can't share any of my feelings with her cos she always shouts and has a go at me, but I have to listen to her complaining the most pointless things. Hence I have sort of given up on her cos I really tried with her before but she just takes it for granted.

We don't have kids, I am 48 but looks and feel like mid 30s, so I want to enjoy my life whilst I can as I just want to live the moment. My dad had a similar experience when he was in his early 50s but he is still with my mum today. So I don't see a future with this girl but right now she makes me happy and it is no longer just the sex. And I have not monger for 2 months now because physically and emotionally I don't get happiness or satisfaction from it anymore. I end up saving more money by not punting and just see this girl a few times a month.

Doghead - the emotional turmoil episode for me was nearly 20 years ago so I have been a fighter and optimist ever since.

I was in your exact situation 20 odd years ago. I felt the same thing with my ex wife, tho some of it was my fault. She was a workaholic and I like venturing to the unknown. Lucky you do not have kids now or else you may think differently. I am now almost 60 and had the time of my life back then with working girls. Good luck.

Hey theworm, thanks for sharing your experience as well.

Another bro was asking whether I was doing BB with this girl, of course not as she was a working girl before.

I also want to share what was happening before I met this girl. I was mongering on average 2-3 times a week. Each time it was $600-800 as I was going to spas mostly with some HGs and sometimes walk ups. So this works out to be $6,000-8,000 a month pretty much for 5 years. All of this time it was just pure physical release but something was missing as each session was only an hour long.

With this girl, I can spend less than $1,000 for the whole weekend, lunch and dinner twice over. Going to the cinema is pretty cheap in Shenzhen, I buy her some clothes now and again, but it is like $100-200 each time. The sex is total GF experience now as there is lots of sweet small talk, passionate DFK and just hugging each other before and after falling asleep together. When we go out we take a lot of selfies, do really silly things, hold hands and kiss like two teenagers. It is part lust and part love as she reminds me of my first proper GF I had over 30 years ago.

I have met her aunt for dinner in HK already with her as her aunt knows I am married but ask me to treat her nice. She told me she doesn't know how long she will be in Shenzhen for, but right now I just tell her lets enjoy each other's company and live the moment. I can control my emotion and don't need to think about her all the time whilst at home and work, but when I am with her it is totally bliss right now. And to be honest she is a lot less demanding than many of the typical local HK girls.

The last couple of months I stopped mongering and just don't feel the urge anymore. I end up saving $4,000-$5,000 a month. And come the weekend and during my days off I have something to look forward when I see her. Right now I am planning to take her to Macau for a long weekend, go and see a concert together, and just have some fun!

While I don't agree with your recent gf reports in this forum I will give you a bit of advise …

Sure the gf experience is way more and better then with going to random WGs and sure your expenditure is way less at the moment, this will not last long, at most a year, maybe year and half … if you want to continue with your relationship for the long run you will end up paying way way way more then your previous mongering life, I say this with 100% certainty !!  By that time it all depends you continue or be a dick and dump her

The beginning of any relationship is always well and good and that's about it ! And since you're here asking about life with a WG I dont want to see you come back crying about losing the love of your life … you have been warned !

Thanks for the heads up as I am aware of the dangers. This is the 3rd such cases for me in the last 10 years and each time it ended just the way I wanted in friendly terms. Sooner or later these girls go back to their hometown or another city to start another life, so I know there is no future with them. When it ends It will be some nice memories and some fantastic sex thrown in. That’s the way I look at tit.

Like I said, I don't agree with this kind of "reporting" and you just confirmed it …
If you already knew all that and you're well experienced with previous like relationships then why are you seeking other people's opinions here ?
Or is this a good place for you to brag ?

All are doing punting for various reasons and especially those “married.”

Those that are married and stay have their reason but the reason is the same for punting they just got other things in their life.  The question for everyone personally is cost / reward to stay in marriage, leave.   

You staying out of duty, no kids why?
Staying for cost of divorce to you?
I smell you are staying as she supports you, that is fine and   

All or any totally reasonable, I think you just like this as it has happened to you more than once, milk it
and saving $$$$$

Some like variety, some like the search and score, some like the pretend intimacy.  What’s not to like got wife, got job and got love, got hot intimacy and   and you will move along when the time comes.

Or if she is special can you bear to lose and be back to mongering in your 50s dreaming of rediscover that magic wife who’d be in her 30s but instead paying for a false   and a few K per month.

No wrong answer just make sure you are sure you don’t want her, what’s in it for her?  Who’s to say she do t got three to four guys like you on the hook waiting for any to take her in

You have been doing this cheating for 10 years but haven’t have had sex with your wife for 4 years?  You said you cheat because you get no sex from wifey, but that does not seem to be the reason since you had mistresses before that became an issue. You do it because you are middle aged and want to feel young and enjoy the chase. That is the underlying reason. Been there, done that. And yes, you will eventually get caught. Been there too. You probably already have, which probably explains why you are sleeping in separate rooms. Women know when something is up. Make no mistake. You enjoy the attention of young hot things (who doesn’t) and you enjoy the attention you get here, which is why you started this thread. .

Hi everyone,

I apologise if my replies got more offending as time went on. I didn’t set out to brag in the first place and just wanted to share my experience and wanted to see if other bros had other similar experience to share, and how they treated the whole thing. This is a very sensitive subject as mongering seems to be a normal past time, but as soon as any form of feelings or relationships are involved it becomes the danger zone.

When a marriage becomes loveless and sexless it is hard to reverse the situation. Many of my friends have gone through it also, some ended up getting divorced, some try to work on the marriage, some escape through other means. For me escape is the best way for me. I tried to end it and I also tried to work on my marriage before but the other half just wasn’t responding. So somehow we have both come to an arrangement where we live under the same roof but just lead very different lives. It sucks and I wish there was a better way, but right now this is what I need to keep me sane.

This will be my last post on this subject and I sincerely apologise to anyone if I was seemingly bragging or offended anyone in anyway. Whether you are a monger, happily married, single, divorced or whatever status you are in, do what you feel is right and live the moment, enjoy it. We all only live once so make the most of it!

I had flings with girls (escorts, masseuse without sex), and what can I say... it helps in your life, your couple, if you can make it work. You need some glue for your couple too... the hard part is that you two need to find a terrain of mutual benefit (spiritual).

Flings are flings, girls understand that it can't be their life too. They let it fade, then let them go. If you like them, you have to let them go too.

I exchange a few words a year with an old fling, she's now a single mom, have a decent situation, and doesn't work the meat anymore...it means also that if you keep that kind of relationships, you have to deal with the taboos & skip the sex.

No love, no sex no happiness in marriage, nothing to salvage, divorce is the only reasonable option, kids or no kids, and no matter the financial issue.