Reply #1 mingsiang's post
It's worth knowing when a couple first get together both the guy and the gal get a boost in testosterone. This makes both of them hornier than normal ... and is a lot of fun while it lasts! It lasts about 3 months, after which their testosterone levels drop back to whatever is "normal" for them. "Normal" can be as often as daily (multiple times) or it can be as little as monthly. It just depends on your biological makeup, and it does change with age.
What does it mean? Just that the first three months will be hotter and steamier than later. Perhaps that's why swingers swing? To keep the juices topped up? No personal experience, but it's a possible payoff. It's as if our physiology is programmed to make us rut a lot for a while and then chill out and cut back.
It also means that if you're going into a relationship, it's almost impossible to assess your sexual compatibility until it's waay too late to fix a gap. "Incompatibility" is shorthand for divorce as a result of different levels of sexual appetite.
But a dropping level of desire is not a problem, unless it is impacting your relationship. If you're both satisfied, go with the flow: sometimes 'less is more'.
As Hunt says, the key is communication. The earlier you can talk about what you've noticed - "honey we're not fucking like we used to, have you noticed too?" - the less likely you are to get into an argument or feel blame or guilt. And the more likely it is that you stumble on something you both want, which you haven't talked about before and assumed was out of the question ... she may surprise you!
Other factors are easier to manage: workload is a biggie. If you're staying late at the office, or partying hard, that's where your energy goes instead of into your gonads.
Stress is another big player. Worrying, arguments, tension, disagreements, all use up energy that could (should!) be expressed in more fun ways.
And, hey, sometimes we just get bored doing the same-old same-old over again. Spicing things up with toys, different locations, different times, porn, role-playing, etc. can relight the fires.
It's not so much "how often?" that matters, "as are you in balance with each other?". Issues occur if one of you gets horny on a daily basis, while the other is on a monthly cycle (it happens). But if you both want to hump once a month, who cares if you don't want more?
Aunt Abbie | |
